haze

perhaps its better this way.

i had a dream last night. i dreamt that chin kuan asked me out to shopping. i agreed n i went out the next day, waiting for her to turn up.. when suddenly yee chen came n said that chin kuan actually helped him arranged the date for me n him. i got blur.. but since i was out.. i go shopping with him anyway..

suddenly..wheile walking.. my bf was there. he came all the way from singapore. n he looked at me, really hurt while i just stared at him, too shocked to do anything. yee chen was like asking me.. ' u know him?'

i started to walk towards my bf.. halfway thru, i stopped n look back at yee chen. yc was holding out his hand to me. n my bf was doing the same.

i walked towards my bf n took his hand..n intro him as my bf to yc. yc looked hurt but i didn't really care.


yc made up some excuse n walked away..leaving me n my bf alone. when yc was out of sight, my bf flinged my hand away. n turned his back on me. i apologized. but he kept quiet.

then he asked me y did i choose him. i told him its because he's the one i love.

n all of a sudden.. he started crying. it hurts me alot to see him do that.. never seen such a sight before.. he started asking me why did i go out with yc?. did i choose him because of the relationship.. n all sorts of questions which i din have the chance to answer. n he got so angry n upset that he started shouting.. although he looked vvv vexed.. i know its because he was really hurt enough to shout in a public place.

n the dream got cut off.

i woke up.. heart feeling so painful..so painful..


i put so much in this relationship.. so much.. but yet what happened in the end is he getting hurt.
after yee chen came to my shop that day, i became numb again. like in the past.. dunno how to laugh..dunno howt o smile.. feel nothing. felt as if no one care for me once more. but when i talked to my bf that night, i realized someone do care for me. no matter how hurt he felt after listening to that story, he still cared for me.

i know no matter what i say now, he would not forgive me.