防空洞( song playing)

还记得那一次你将你的手
小心的放进我的口袋　　轻声的说不要颤抖
还记得那一次你擦干我的泪
还坚持将我低下的头　　紧紧的贴进你的胸口
我有多久没感动过　　若不是你那么强烈的保护我
若不是你的那一句　　你有的不多
却愿意把最好的都留给我
你要我住进你心里的防空洞
不让无谓的思绪暗涌
再多纷扰也都没有用
你决定了我所有的喜怒哀愁
你把我带到一个停泊的港口　　让回忆可以避避风
仰望着夜空　　听潮起潮落
为你我不再向往着漂流

forgiveness

forgave all the rainy days u took away during nights when i suddenly awoke..n realized that my tears have finally dried.

forgave all the eternity u took away.. time is bringing tomoro forward... the pain finally has gone..

will u miss those old days? those days when i left the door open cuz i miss u... n those days when the air felt warm with love.

n when i close my eyes.. i can feel my heart burning with the love i have for u...

everyone told me... i m better off alone...

ur promises... i have never doubted them...

back n forth.. the familiar warmth of ur love keep coming back...

u r the one i love... can i blame u...

forgave all the rainy days u took away..during the old past which i grew fond of.... everyone has to say goodbye in the end.

forgave all the eternity u took away... all the laughs and love in each day...

maybe... i have matured...

n when i close my eyes... i can remember it all..

stop telling me... i should be alone...

ur promises.. i have never doubted them..

back n forth... have u actually loved me...

i tried hating u...but all that came into my mind was ur smile.





i m sorry.. i m the one at fault. u brought me into a world i cannot follow.. though there were times i woke up in the night, plagued by my nightmares n u were there to wipe my tears... n times when we laughed... i had to go.

i dunno what made me fall out of love. i dun feel sad. or painful. or happy. i m sorry i did not warn u.. cuz the flittest air of love i still have that time was enough for me not to hurt u with the news. but i realized i was wrong.

its not just a chemical reaction gone sour with the timeline of a relationship. i have really fall out of love this time.

i m sorry i cannot give u one more day with me... i cannot bear it.

i m disgusted at myself. really. at the cold blooded girl that i m. not crying in funerals. not feeling anything for anyone. but u believed in me anyway n tried to melt me.

love is never enough. we r never meant to be. n we are not good enough for each other. its too late for u to suggest forever now. too late. u had one year... i m sorry..

yay.. i won a competition

here are the entries

a personal blog

see the pyramids around the nile.. watch the sunrise from a tropic isle...
just remember darling all the while... you belong to me..

see the marketplace in old angier...send me photographs and souvenirs
just remember when a dream appears.. you belong to me..

and i'll be so alone without u... maybe ...you'll be lonesome too?

fly the ocean in a silver plane... see the jungle when its wet with rain..
just remember til ur home again...u belong to me...



this years love had better last... heaven knows it high time...
i been waiting on my own too long..but when u hold me like u do..

it feels so right... i start to forget...
how my heart gets torn...when that hurt gets thrown..feeling like u cant go on..

turning circles when time again... its cuts like a knife...

if u love me... i gotta know.. for sure...
cuz it takes something more this time... than sweet. sweet. lies.. before i open up my arms and fall.. losing all control..

every dream inside my soul... n when u kiss me.. on that midnight street.. sweep me off my feet..
singing... aint this life sweet?

this years love had better last...

so whose to worry.. if our hearts get torn...
when that hurt gets thrown

dont u know that life goes on.....





our love are etched on places we been. memories are locked safe there. n u'll always belong to me ... always..

a day in my li(f)e

1. kakak..kenapa mammy tak sayang jie jie? mammy macam sayang saya dengan di di. kenapa?

mammy dengan daddy married 10 years. jie jie 19 years old.


2. jie jie.. who is this woman in the photo??

what the heck m i supposed to tell her?? my mother?? my aunt?? telling her its my mother will spoil the relationship between us. telling her its someone else means i m unfilial, denying my mother's existence.
kept quiet. til she lost her temper n bang the door at my face.

went down n asked the maid.

maid told her its my aunt. dad's sis.




one day she'll find out. n she'll feel differently towards me.

why must there always be obstacles when it comes to people i love?? distance, death, differences of opinions, statuses...

doesn't love stand alone???

asking my stepmom to love me is like asking a cow to love a baby tiger.


never could bring myself to read articles on the newspaper about dad's love. stumbled upon one.. real story bout a father remarrying after the wife died..
the stepmom mistreated the daughter.. n he divorced her.

..

i live to make life for him better. cny.. her relatives mock me.. i kept quiet n kept my temper down for the sake of him.

damn it. live to make life better for people. people think otherwise. n this are not things u can boast to them..

'oh u know i didnt stand up for myself so that i would not make u lose ur face'
' n that day she made herbal soup for the rest of the family, leaving me out'

why the heck m i so damn kind. can never survive in this family

i m still sane/

still kind

still happy]

n i m proud of it.

friends.

miss them. want them. cant see them.
past.
old.
somehow no.

somehow no.



alone. again. i chose it.
its ok.
i m happy
i have got new found friends
again

til the cycle repeats.