perhaps its better this way.

i had a dream last night. i dreamt that chin kuan asked me out to shopping. i agreed n i went out the next day, waiting for her to turn up.. when suddenly yee chen came n said that chin kuan actually helped him arranged the date for me n him. i got blur.. but since i was out.. i go shopping with him anyway..

suddenly..wheile walking.. my bf was there. he came all the way from singapore. n he looked at me, really hurt while i just stared at him, too shocked to do anything. yee chen was like asking me.. ' u know him?'

i started to walk towards my bf.. halfway thru, i stopped n look back at yee chen. yc was holding out his hand to me. n my bf was doing the same.

i walked towards my bf n took his hand..n intro him as my bf to yc. yc looked hurt but i didn't really care.


yc made up some excuse n walked away..leaving me n my bf alone. when yc was out of sight, my bf flinged my hand away. n turned his back on me. i apologized. but he kept quiet.

then he asked me y did i choose him. i told him its because he's the one i love.

n all of a sudden.. he started crying. it hurts me alot to see him do that.. never seen such a sight before.. he started asking me why did i go out with yc?. did i choose him because of the relationship.. n all sorts of questions which i din have the chance to answer. n he got so angry n upset that he started shouting.. although he looked vvv vexed.. i know its because he was really hurt enough to shout in a public place.

n the dream got cut off.

i woke up.. heart feeling so painful..so painful..


i put so much in this relationship.. so much.. but yet what happened in the end is he getting hurt.
after yee chen came to my shop that day, i became numb again. like in the past.. dunno how to laugh..dunno howt o smile.. feel nothing. felt as if no one care for me once more. but when i talked to my bf that night, i realized someone do care for me. no matter how hurt he felt after listening to that story, he still cared for me.

i know no matter what i say now, he would not forgive me.

你不在 You're Not Here

當世界只剩下這床頭燈 你那邊是早晨已經出門
我側身感到你在轉身 無數陌生人正在等下一個綠燈
一再錯身彼此脆弱的時分 如果渴望一個吻的餘溫
我關了燈黑暗把我拼吞 wo

你不在 當我最需要愛 你卻不在 wo
無盡等待像獨白的難挨 wo

你不在 高興還是悲哀 你都不在
我受了傷在偷偷好起來 但你不在 不在

時間再按下許多次快門 沉默裡聽見轉動的秒針
一個人吃飯這個凌晨 孤單一人份 你低聲說你有別人
我的話筒只有自己的體溫 怎樣認真也不一定成真
你說的對 我不得不承認 wo

你不在 當我最需要愛 你卻不在 wo
無盡等待像獨白的難挨 wo

你不在 高興還是悲哀 你都不在 wo
我受了傷再偷偷好起來 但你不在 wo
Bridge 那些搖擺 我都明白 都明白
但你不在 愛已不在 不在

你不在 當我最需要愛 你卻不在 wo
一個人分飾兩角的戀愛 wo

你不在 高興還是悲哀 你都不在 wo

像空氣般不存在 再沒有痕跡的愛
你不在 當我需要你的愛 你不在

LIFE FOR RENT dido

I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't lean to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought that I would love to live by the sea, to travel the world alone and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent...
..................................................................................................................

i got a job!!!!!!! woo hoo!
you know.. i think my life is for rent all these while.. perhaps my case is worse.. i pay others so that my life get rented.

... i did something soooo wrong!!!!!

.. i m a bad gf.. i hope he's alright.. i m worried sick. i dun dare to do anything fearing i might worsen the situation... this is difficult..

what m i supposed to do??

he basically wanna handle it himself.. aiyo............... i m soo worried.!!
pls dun let anything happen to him. pls dun.

.. if he would only trust me to handle the situation. but logicallyhow can he trust me after what happened? ... this is entirely my fault. me n my bloody mouth.

i wonder does he still love me...
i m feeling rather weird....both of us love each other... n often try our best to be the best gf n bf there is.. then how come we screw up so often?
i know most of the time..its because of jealousy.. before i had a bf.. i picture myself as an understanding gf...like not getting angry because he had girl friends.. or talk on the phone too much.. or going out with other girls..
but now.. i realized.. it hurts to find out bout any of those things. n.. i do get angry..

but surprisingly... i can forgive as easily as i get angry.
but no matter how i try.. i can't forget. i can't forget those mistakes..

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ADDICTED enrique iglesias
Have I told you how good it feels to be me,
when I'm in you?
I can only stay clean
when you are around.
Don't let me fall.
If I close my eyes forever,
would it ease the pain?
Could I breathe again?

[Chorus:]
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.

I am wasted away,
I made a million mistakes.
Am I too late?
There is a storm in my head;
it rains on my bed
when you are not here.
I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of losing you.

[Chorus:]
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.

When you're lying next to me
love is going through to me.
Oh it's beautiful.
Everything is clear to me
'till I hit reality
and I lose it all...
I lose it all...
I lose it all.
I lose it all...
Nah nah nah
nah nah nah....
Nah nah nah nah nah nah.....
nah nah nah nah nah nah....

You're the only reason,
Yeah, you're the only reason I'm trying,
Oh, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying,
Don't want to lose it all,
Don't want to lose it all,
I'm trying, I'm trying..
I'm trying ...
Yeah, you know I'm addicted,
You know I'm addicted,
Yeah, you know I'm addicted....