haze

cherry's words


Doing some cleaning up, digging out piles and piles of all those past memoriblia hidden neatly under covers of boxes stacked up at a corner of my room..

Found letters.. diaries.. and sketches.. and this remind's me of her..dear, remember a potrait of a local artist you sketched for me instantly..the day you nearly lost your precious cd? .. It brought back everything.. Remember when we started to get close? .. You read my blog that day, bout my life.. you sent me emails and called me out.. I think it all started from there..

.. but things are a lil messed up sometimes.. when I wanted to understand you so badly.. wants to know what's going on in your mind .. and gets worst when envy.. turns into jealousy.. it's all inside of me which I've never let it out..

The Confession: You're everything I see myself in.. and hates it when you said you're not satisfied.. I'm so proud to have a friend who's so talented and yet so beautiful.. and that is why I feel so small everytime I stand beside her.. I don't have a big heart..I feel so ashame and guilty for having such ugly thoughts.. and that is why I chose to stay away, just to make myself feel better.. by not comparing myself to someone I'll never be able to compare with..

I always thought I knew you from the start.. but guess I'm wrong.. cuz I never did.. silly me..

but what I really wish to know.. who am I to you.. ? .. Another stranger that passes by like every other day?

.. .. I apologize, and I missed you.. We missed you....

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its pathetic how much she sees in me n how little i saw in me last time. i wasnt even aware that i was any good to induce such strong thoughts insome one..

i still remember those shopping sprees.. our money jsut won't run out!. we ate everything. bought everything. after school lunches near her house. and late outings. i havent forgotten them. not one.

i remembered everything u said.

but somehow.. now we dun share as much anymore. could it be the time. the distance or just us?

she was envious for things i coudlntsee in myself.. n i was envious of her for things i wanted that blinded all my other things in me.
i never could understand why others talk to her so easily.. and she could just respond as easily.. why was it so hard for me to do the same?

why when i talk to someone, all i see is them hurrying to walk off, hurrying away, n turning away their heads?

i hae always acknowledge that she is beautiful... i wonder why she didnt know. perhaps she is just like me..
my heart is smaller.. had more bad thoughts.. but in the end friendship prevails.

n one thing of her i could never have.. her beautiful handwriting. dang... mine can never be good. :)


thinking i have nothign during high school.. i went thru it having nothing. when i already had so much.