bored until want to die
nothing to do
i miss my ah b

dishwalla-every little thing

let me in to see u in the morning light


to get me on n all along the tears they come


see all come. i want u to believe in life


but i get the strangest feeling that you've gone away


will you find out who you are.. too late to change


wish i could be every little thing you wanted all the time


wish i could be every little thing you wanted all the time.. sometimes


lift me up.. just lift me up don't make a sound


let me hold u up before you hit the ground


see all come. say you're alright


but i get the strangest feeling that you've gone away.. go away.


will you find out who you are.. too late to change.


wish i could be every little thing you wanted all the time


wish i could be every little thing you wanted all the time.. thing u wanted all the time


dun give me up
dun give me up tonight
soon nothing will be right at all


salvation is when you find out who you are


too late to change
wish i could be every little thing you wanted all the time
wish i could be every little thing you wanted all the time..
every little thing you wanted
but i get the strangest feeling that you've gone away.

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i found it

i wan


i want.

i want



click for larger image

why does it have to be for mens!!!!! I WANT IT ON MY HAND!!!!!!


i m having orgasm already... my goodness....... i want it.



but wait!!!!!!!
GOT WOMEN's section!!

oooo...look at this beauty..



i want to cry.................................... its so nice.


i shall stop dreaming n take out my hp when i want the time.


why.. because it will only ship in march 2006.. n also because its 325 bucks. in usd

i want to cry............ i m so sorry babe.. u were meant to be mine.. but.. we just doesnt have the fate. to cross paths. if u were mine i'll carress u day n night n look at u lovingly for the rest of my life.. but u r so far away. n not even born yet.... baby........... oh baby..




last time i had a lover.. the hands couldnt move. only the screen does. it was swatch.. the hands are always at the position of 10.10 .. so only i can tell the time.. cuz others just thought its a watch with tokyo time. its black n white. elastic strap.....

n i was stolen when i took it off while i played volleyball...

sob.......... after that incident.. i simply do not have the heart to find another.. i was heartbroken. only unique watches impress me... n i do not like those too feminine.

tan verbally raped me
tan made me crash my car
tan is fat
tan instructed me to write like this.
snecx: really?
snecx: faster do la
snecx: promote me..
tan is going to kill me
because he is a curious little mao

i got tagged..... :(..

tan so fat.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

1. haze
   
2. yen
3. ah b
   
4. Nikki(I know!!)
   

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:

1. hazy glade
   
2. haze
3. nikki_911_macgyver... i know..
   

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. ma humps
   
2. ma lumps
   
3. ma nails
   

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. height...
   
2. scarred skin
   
3. big belly
   

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

1. if i bang my head... i m afraid i'll be stupid n' a moron
2. people actually liking me
   
3. growing old without friends
   

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. Internet n pc
   
2. music
3. ah b
   

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1. audrey's pants that i have not returned
   
2. capo's shirt that i have not returned
   
3. bracelet stepmom bought me..YAY!!
   

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:

1. jay chou, lee hom n david tao
   
2. chopin
   
3. random bands
   

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS: (for now)

1. leehom - yi shou jian dan de ge ( a simple song)
   
2. system of a down - violent pornography
3. nickelback - photograph
   

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:

1. honesty n faithfulness
   
2. laughs
   
3. ah b
   

2 TRUTHS 1 LIE:

1. i can drive liao
   
2. i m still fat
   
3. my bra size is 40f.. so is celine's. mahaha
   

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
preferred sex????

1. sideburns n unmatured moustache
   
2. length.. i mean height
   
3. nosebridge

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

1. surfing web
2. piano n music
3. ice skating
   

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

1. ice skating...
   
2. go toilet n shit. sorry. suddenly got urge
   
3. go see cheng yee n tell her i m sorry
4. make hols end so that can be with ah b n twelve n friends
   

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED:

1. spy... i know. shut up
   
2. architect.. sigh. still wanna be
   
3. random artist. 3d 2d web flash doesnt matter.
   

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

1. italy- florence's duomo church
   
2. japan
3. mediteranean sea's islands
   

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

1. win more than 5 competitions
   
2. own a grand piano. white one .
   
3. travel n enjoy life with my other half
   

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:

1. i m fast, i dun waste time in toilet or in front of the mirror being vain
   
2. i look at girls..
   
3. i wanna do extreme sports but no opportunity
   

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:

1. i like to be fussed over
   
2. i m wearing a bra
   
3. i have alot of skin products. or.. i wanna have alot.
   

THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:

1. keanu reeves
   
2. nicholas tse
   
3. nicholas cage
   

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:

1. Twelve
2. tze, lie yuen,zen, timmy n cheng yee
   
3. xiaxue. if she happens to drop by

jay chou new album out this coming tuesday
titled.. november's chopin


see?? even jay chou same idol as me.
chopin..
mahahahahahaa

great minds think alike


fixed dennis's bike for 12 bucks.
did u know that ur front wheel no nuts???? ha??
do u know that cuz of that we could have died?? ha??
the wheel could fall off when we are cycling.
luckily din happen.

my dad possessed the bike. aarrgh
claimed he wanna learn for trialthon
i started on my work...

when words cant describe how i feel.
when honesty is gone.
when my art is too conceptual.
i draw.
so that i can express myself.
n cuz no one will understand but me.
cuz i wanna be honest.

i feel good.


jaymee ong from gen x cops.
her character name was haze.


paris hilton. cuz i realized her blue eyes are actually contact lenses. no one is perfect.


looking for the spot the sun rays hit. jump there. n sun bath sprawled eagled.

a series of unfortunate events

today. i thought i'll give my sister a lil treat at macd's

i changed. opened the door. n the lock dropped on my 4th left toe.

n i couldnt walk for 12 minutes.


then when we are at leisure mall. i wanted to buy socks.... i accidentally kicked the metal bar. n my 4th left toe got jammed between the metal n the floor.

i could only open n close my mouth like a half dead fish.


then when we are at the hair accesories stall. a malay lady twice my size stomped on my 4th left toe...
n in shock n pain, i grabbed her hands n squeezed it to stop myself from falling.



sob

ended up buying books for my sister.. no socks to protect my feet. n no hair accesorries either.

ouch.

tomoro is coming. n i'll be happy.

tomoro is coming. n i'll be alright.

tomoro is coming. n i'll be understanding.

tomoro is coming. n i'll have more.

tomoro is coming. n i wont need anyone anymore.

tomoro is coming. n i wont have the old ones with me.

tomoro is coming. n i still have not done anything.

tomoro is coming. n i m not ready.

ah b's operation....

i woke up..feeling peaky...
went to the toilet.
sneezed out phelgm.. but turned out to be a thick clot of blood.
i coughed.. another thick clot.
n i panicked.

cancer. tumor. aids! stds! um.. i mean.
nvm.

gtg see ah b.

walked out. mom asked me to wait til like... 9.. cuz of the traffic.
waited. played piano.. got a feeling that today... i might be able to touch a real piano. without electricity buttons. n i got a funny instinct i should bring some piano books. ignored it.

reached liao. ah b still in surgery..
i wandered around.. found a piano shop!!.. and a friend!!!
went inside to play piano... n rejoiced. n rejoiced. at the mellow sound of the real keys.. changing each time i press... n the thick sounds of vibration resonating in the small room...
wa................ i m in heaven...

n i regretted .. cuz i did not follow my instincts.

after that i went to see ah b..

went in... saw him sleeping.. he looks as if he's a starved refugee stranded in the dunes of hot n dry egypt. mouths dry. white. cracking. face white. screwed up in a pain expression even as he sleep.. n i felt his pain.

he woke up... n for a patient his humour is ............ top notch. talking crap. laughing n then doubling in pain . ... after some water... he look so much better..

a while later. his parents came... then ah b ate a lil.
n go toilet.

................have u ever seen a patient's clothings?... its... a piece of blue cloth reaching the knee.. n then... with strings for u to tie.. to the back...
aiya. in english it means if u din tie. it will fall n u are naked la.
he stood up. walked to the toilet. ... n ......


ah nvm.

its uninteresting..really..

went out lunch with his parents..

then when ah b came back to his house.. n he slept like a baby...

my progress..

i will fix the lighting when i m done with the hair n the eyes

i desperately need to work on my portfolio!!!!

i changed my banner picture. i wonder if people will view it as i m refering myself as different.
or lonely.
or weird.
or egoistic.

photo was taken.. near my house.. was feeling really down at that time ..went out to take photographs though it was raining...


it was an accidental approach. wanted to test shutter speed.. caught the reflection of the condos.. looks as if the fishes are swimming around the condos...


pineapple baby crawling with ants

i started another character... which is annoying.. cuz the one i passed up for assignment one week late i spent like a month just on the face. wherelese i did this for a few hours only..
nurms modelling..


looks much better too..oh well..mistakes cannot be undone..



staying at home. i feel myself dying. slowly.. torturously.
will i never be strong enough to light up my home.

wilbur smith ..hate him n love him.
.. his books always make me wanna practice abstinence.. and stay single for life. the way he discriminate women leaves no room for me to even be grateful for what i have. showing how realistic n ugly everything is. n beautiful endings are in procession after uglier processes. which makes me wonder whether now i m part of the uglier process or m i part of the beautiful ending.

no one said that ending cannot come when you are 19.

still everytime i read his book i feel like breaking up. n being single, cold n aloof. just to protect myself from the other sex. n even beautiful memories became puppy love's fire which will be doused into ashes soon in life.

rebecca bennbrok.. the high classed young woman who fucked every single men character in the book. he murdered her status and beauty by writing her seductions of ballantyne and courtney. which followed in succession, of her capture by the Arabs, whom exposed and molested her in public before giving her to their king, Mahdi. on whom she practised fellatio on for goodness how long until he died of cholera and she was passed like a whore to another warrior, osman atalan. who fucked her like a chicken n make her bear him children again n again.

n with a furious coincidence, ballantyne n courtney went on to marry rebecca's respective twin sisters. who have to make do with their sister's leftover. will any man be whole before they marry??? ..

the book started with the usual gore and horror and honest cruelity of the Arabs as smith wrote bout how they mulitate and kill their prizes. their holy jihad involves severing windpipes, slicing off scrotums n placing them into their victim's mouth to stop them from shouting while they are amputated limb by limb -inch by inch and then finally left to stream to death or beheaded.

it shudders me to have it happening here in malaysia durin may 1969.. though all descriptions of waht actually happened was conveniently deleted out of our sejarah books.. remmeber jihad?? saladin??mahdi n abdulahhi the many conquerers of islam??? ah. this book is bout mahdi n abdulahhi. our sejarah book did not publish how holy the arab women is by the way they torture the fallen victims. even worse than all the men put together. n pray.. i might be executed n tortured the same way if this blog post gets on teh newspaper.

but all was sufficable and even swallowable by a girl like me until rebecca's father death. which includes amputation of his ears, limbs and his head... n a high finale of thrusting his single, severed head into rebecca's face.
whats worse is the description of the stoning of Arabian girls with the sin of adultery.
every stone goring the eye out. the nose broken. the skull broken until she lie limpless while they continue lining up n stoning her..
n the height of everything was when a slave was brought in. in chains. amputated limbs that were drenched in hot black oil to stop the bleeding... she was crawling in the stumps...her eye sockets empty... blood spilling from them.. body so severely mulitated n thrashed by leather that bones began to show.

at that point i was at the verge of tearing the 89.90 bucks book to pieces, claiming i will never read his book again. he wrote nothing of the trauma of any of the women that been thru these situations, but plenty of how to please a man's tammy. n how a man pleases a woman's quimmy. this fucking book is a badly put together history book with fiction in between. fiction too inconsiderate , doing him little justice.

and fuck. this has turned into a bloody book review.

n sadly.. smith is not a bad writer..for all he wrote are of reality. with no such thing as love.
... n woman's rights. the endless, pointless fight between holy brown men who disembowel their captives n holy white men who practice adultery. oh bother.

i admit. if i m a man. i'll screw all the girls in my class. ass n all. even I discriminate girls. as people often see me shake my head n sigh 'girls..'
.. but unfortunately i m a girl. therefore i shall pretend that men are gentlemen and they presumably marry as a virgin. presumably will not cheat on their wives. n i shall be presumable happy.

i very much prefer to read his egyptian books.. where love still exists. n love is not about a choice whether ur wife with an arab bastard in her stomach will survive in society, n whether she can meet ur friends n parents or not. guys who read this may protest, if i love her i dun care. but admit it. u do. u do u take account of all those unsaid requirements. in fact u must!

if theres something uncomfortable for instance her looks or an arab bastard that existed before u even marry her. after u do. u will start to detest her. n later on even hate her. n life would be hell if it already isnt. so spare her the pain alright.



i shall return to earth away from brutal reality cuz i m still young n wilbur smith's books are just after all. books. n dwell on my ah b. whom i must say i taken quite a mite liking to. n remember back those times when we cannot sleep each night thinking of each other. n remember the tiny lil power i have over him that cause him to pout just cuz i din smile at him or did not talk to him.

i must say i m quite delighted at the way he looked at my funny lip shape n the way he drove me all the way to mid valley for dinner and a movie just cuz i was depressed. n that was during teh day before the submission of 2 assignments. although sometimes he requested me to cook for him, n when i ask, what of me? n he replied coldly.. up to u what u wanna eat... he made it all up by cooking for me n feeding me lovingly often enough. such things cant be taken away by words of a rotting old man like smith.

and of cos.. miao miao so fat. ee!!

i m also convinced that both of us will not part because of an Arab bastard in my tummy or because of any amputated limbs or severed windpipes. n i shall push away thoughts of breaking up cuz of some silly book cuz after all, we do love each other deeply. there would be no need to protect myself from him as he did not protect himself from me. i will also tell myself that i have crossed all my ugly processes already n my ah b is my happy ending.

therefore we shall live happily ever after.

my ah b so fat!! ee!!

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?


yay.. huzzah to les n gays.!!! wat did i just say

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get. You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them. The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase. You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away. You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance. Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't! You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors. Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor. You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

yao mou gum geng. i dun wanna call is because i no guts nia.. real test over liao

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

ask my ah b.

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

man..this one is like super wrong... yea.. i like to lead.. only when theres a need to. when there isnt. i just let others do the dirty work. oops.

miao miao fat!!!


i come back liao
i slept thru ipoh. due to stress. not enough sleep. period. which cause back pain. stomach pain. headache.


anyway... i taught my brother how to say miao miao fat already..

on teh way back from home...


i shouted.. MIAO MIAO!!!

he replied.. NGAO NGIAO!!!!!!

i shouted back.. MIAO MIAOOO!!!

he replied... FAT!!!




AHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO CUTEEE!!!!

miao miao.

collection 1=baby brother's expressions

i got miao miao tail
ahhhh miao miao!
why put me with girls???
i dun like...........
i wan leng lui
i want i want
i wan i wan my leng lui jeh jeh
i wan i must wan!!!(baby also know product. i so pretty cannot blame me ok.)

collection 2=baby brother chase after monkeys
eee so cute !! miao miao chasing after miao miao!!
WAI!!! u monkey dun chase after monkey!

collection 3=baby monkeys
oh why do u look so sad.. tears are in ur eyes.. come.. i cheer u up..
see i can fart anytime i wan!!!
lets play choo choo train!!

collection 4=mother's love
armph!! bit ur nipple!!!!
why u bit my nipple??
okla.. i play with ur feet lor..
dun be angry mar....
wat r u looking at...
nothing there also
where are we going?? are we there yet??
r we there yet??
what are we waiting for..
y never tell me visitors.. i vv shy mar... go away... only i can suck my mama's nipples

collection 5=greedy monkey
wat is this? can eat one ar?
armpgh!!!
not bad har

collection 6=fleas for lunch
u!! come here n catch my fleas... no no no. go into the open
thats right... !! U !!! stop holding the camera n come here catch my fleas...(me??? u know what is this??? -gives hand sign in shape of bird n shake it around-)
nana.. my replacement.