haze

wilbur smith ..hate him n love him.
.. his books always make me wanna practice abstinence.. and stay single for life. the way he discriminate women leaves no room for me to even be grateful for what i have. showing how realistic n ugly everything is. n beautiful endings are in procession after uglier processes. which makes me wonder whether now i m part of the uglier process or m i part of the beautiful ending.

no one said that ending cannot come when you are 19.

still everytime i read his book i feel like breaking up. n being single, cold n aloof. just to protect myself from the other sex. n even beautiful memories became puppy love's fire which will be doused into ashes soon in life.

rebecca bennbrok.. the high classed young woman who fucked every single men character in the book. he murdered her status and beauty by writing her seductions of ballantyne and courtney. which followed in succession, of her capture by the Arabs, whom exposed and molested her in public before giving her to their king, Mahdi. on whom she practised fellatio on for goodness how long until he died of cholera and she was passed like a whore to another warrior, osman atalan. who fucked her like a chicken n make her bear him children again n again.

n with a furious coincidence, ballantyne n courtney went on to marry rebecca's respective twin sisters. who have to make do with their sister's leftover. will any man be whole before they marry??? ..

the book started with the usual gore and horror and honest cruelity of the Arabs as smith wrote bout how they mulitate and kill their prizes. their holy jihad involves severing windpipes, slicing off scrotums n placing them into their victim's mouth to stop them from shouting while they are amputated limb by limb -inch by inch and then finally left to stream to death or beheaded.

it shudders me to have it happening here in malaysia durin may 1969.. though all descriptions of waht actually happened was conveniently deleted out of our sejarah books.. remmeber jihad?? saladin??mahdi n abdulahhi the many conquerers of islam??? ah. this book is bout mahdi n abdulahhi. our sejarah book did not publish how holy the arab women is by the way they torture the fallen victims. even worse than all the men put together. n pray.. i might be executed n tortured the same way if this blog post gets on teh newspaper.

but all was sufficable and even swallowable by a girl like me until rebecca's father death. which includes amputation of his ears, limbs and his head... n a high finale of thrusting his single, severed head into rebecca's face.
whats worse is the description of the stoning of Arabian girls with the sin of adultery.
every stone goring the eye out. the nose broken. the skull broken until she lie limpless while they continue lining up n stoning her..
n the height of everything was when a slave was brought in. in chains. amputated limbs that were drenched in hot black oil to stop the bleeding... she was crawling in the stumps...her eye sockets empty... blood spilling from them.. body so severely mulitated n thrashed by leather that bones began to show.

at that point i was at the verge of tearing the 89.90 bucks book to pieces, claiming i will never read his book again. he wrote nothing of the trauma of any of the women that been thru these situations, but plenty of how to please a man's tammy. n how a man pleases a woman's quimmy. this fucking book is a badly put together history book with fiction in between. fiction too inconsiderate , doing him little justice.

and fuck. this has turned into a bloody book review.

n sadly.. smith is not a bad writer..for all he wrote are of reality. with no such thing as love.
... n woman's rights. the endless, pointless fight between holy brown men who disembowel their captives n holy white men who practice adultery. oh bother.

i admit. if i m a man. i'll screw all the girls in my class. ass n all. even I discriminate girls. as people often see me shake my head n sigh 'girls..'
.. but unfortunately i m a girl. therefore i shall pretend that men are gentlemen and they presumably marry as a virgin. presumably will not cheat on their wives. n i shall be presumable happy.

i very much prefer to read his egyptian books.. where love still exists. n love is not about a choice whether ur wife with an arab bastard in her stomach will survive in society, n whether she can meet ur friends n parents or not. guys who read this may protest, if i love her i dun care. but admit it. u do. u do u take account of all those unsaid requirements. in fact u must!

if theres something uncomfortable for instance her looks or an arab bastard that existed before u even marry her. after u do. u will start to detest her. n later on even hate her. n life would be hell if it already isnt. so spare her the pain alright.



i shall return to earth away from brutal reality cuz i m still young n wilbur smith's books are just after all. books. n dwell on my ah b. whom i must say i taken quite a mite liking to. n remember back those times when we cannot sleep each night thinking of each other. n remember the tiny lil power i have over him that cause him to pout just cuz i din smile at him or did not talk to him.

i must say i m quite delighted at the way he looked at my funny lip shape n the way he drove me all the way to mid valley for dinner and a movie just cuz i was depressed. n that was during teh day before the submission of 2 assignments. although sometimes he requested me to cook for him, n when i ask, what of me? n he replied coldly.. up to u what u wanna eat... he made it all up by cooking for me n feeding me lovingly often enough. such things cant be taken away by words of a rotting old man like smith.

and of cos.. miao miao so fat. ee!!

i m also convinced that both of us will not part because of an Arab bastard in my tummy or because of any amputated limbs or severed windpipes. n i shall push away thoughts of breaking up cuz of some silly book cuz after all, we do love each other deeply. there would be no need to protect myself from him as he did not protect himself from me. i will also tell myself that i have crossed all my ugly processes already n my ah b is my happy ending.

therefore we shall live happily ever after.

my ah b so fat!! ee!!