haze

i finally understood it all

i finally see thru ur eyes
i know now wats going on in ur place
n how hard it is to trust women.

n i finally realized that wat went on last time were all tests.
even the hotel.
was a test.
n i failed.

but i m gonna say it loud n clear. i failed not because i m one of them women.
i failed because its for you. n cuz i felt something in my heart.
u tested me. now i know why.

maybe things would have been better if it happened now. if i realized wats going on. if i have been more matured. more experienced. maybe it would have been wonderful.

but u shouldnt have tested me. i was innocent. i was pure. i was new. u spoilt it all.
n made me one of them by testing me.

now i understood.
n i wanna thank u. for not taking what i offered.
but paris though seemed ..... logical now. i still wont go. or austrailia.

i knew now u had loved me.
sorry...


i wished u will explain everything to me. in truth.
i know now u lost faith. so did i..

if u asked me now.. wife or mistress.i'll choose mistress.. its teh wiser choice.. wife.. u clean the house. babies.same bed. nag.. pay for the bills.. mistress..no need to clean house.. no need pay bills.. get pampered all the time n no need to face in laws.

i no longer believe

i m no longer innocent.
but i was. u did not believe.when i believed in u.
i m disappointed.. really.

but at least.. now i m happier.. in a way..
with someone else.. in a way.. used to have 4 blogs just for u.. cuz u would not listen.. now i only have 1.. cuz he listens.. n he trusts in me..
i know we'll all think we r in love.. go out do some silly things.. grow up part then cry.
wats the point.

y start something when its gonna break n tarnish anyway. why love when someone bound to make mistake n cheat. when theres lies n deception. expectations n disappointment. control n lack of control.

u see. thats how YOU think. n cuz of that, u tested me n distrust me.. n in return u MAKE SURE that that theory is true.. n u ethced that theory in my head as well. u made me bitter like how u r.
sorry. i wont do the same to him.