what can be done

now that i finally realized.
the person I really am..
i guess if I am written in fiction.. I would both hate and love my character.
perhaps that's the problem. the fact I could still love this kinda character.

I am addicted to people. their faces.
their imperfections. yes this is my first point.
their perfections.
and loved them all.
hence i loved to talk about them.

i do not have secrets. perhaps at young, my all was already bared. to everyone.
and my philosophy is :
'if i have a secret, then it means I am still in pain.'
'a secret is no longer a secret when you tell the first person.'

and sometimes.. people wouldn't announce that something they said is a secret. they expected you to know.
and more than often enough, i do not know what is a secret and what is not.

back to talking bout them. I blatantly and ruthlessly bare all.
the disrespectfulness of this i still couldn't comprehend.
cuz i thought u only reveal the secret hidings to people important to you.
perhaps I never thought that i was.
why. i supposed thats another issue.

i could cry now knowing the pain i caused others.
but i guess i should keep it inside to remind me not to do it again.
whether how i view them... i do not know if i can change.
but i do know that this is the way to stop the damages i befall upon them.

now i see the pointlessness of apologies.
but i guess punishments are in call.
just so i will never do it again