LINKIN PARK FAINT
I am
A little bit of loneliness
A little bit of disregard
A handful of complaints
But I can't help the fact
That everyone can see these scars
I am
What I want you to want
What I want you to feel
But it's like
No matter what I do
I can't convince you
To just believe this is real
So I let go
Watching you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here
'Cause you're all that I got

I can't feel
The way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't take
This damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I am
A little bit insecure
A little unconfident
'Cause you don't understand
I do what I can
But sometimes I don't make sense
I am
What you never want to say
But I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you
For once just to hear me out
So I let go
Watching you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here
'Cause you're all that I got

I can't feel
The way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't take
This damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

No
Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me
Like it or not
Right now
Hear me out now
You're going to listen to me
Like it or not
Right now

I can't feel
The way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I can't feel
The way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't take
This damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I can't feel
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't take
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

LINKIN PARK NUMB
I'm tired of being what you want me to be,
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface,
I don't know what you're expecting of me,
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.

Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you.
Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow

I've become so numb,
I can't feel you there,
Become so tired,
So much more aware,
I'm becoming this,
All I want to do,
Is be more like me,
And be less like you.

Can't you see that your smothering me,
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control,
'Cause everything that you thought I would be,
Has fallen apart, right in front of you.

Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you.
Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take.

I've become so numb,
I can't feel you there,
Become so tired,
So much more aware,
I'm becomming this,
All I want to do,
Is be more like me,
And be less like you.

And I know I may end up failing too,
But I know you were just like me,
With someone disappointed in you.

I've become so numb,
I can't feel you there,
Become so tired,
So much more aware,
I'm becomming this,
All I want to do,
Is be more like me,
And be less like you.

I've become so numb,
I can't feel you there,
I'm tired of being what you want me to be.

I've become so numb,
I can't feel you there,
I'm tired of being what you want me to be.

ANNIE LENNOX WONDERFUL
I want to have you, cause you're all I've got
I don't want to lose you, cause it means a lot
All the joy this world can bring
Doesn't give me anything
When you're not here

Idiot me
Stupid fool
How could you be
So uncool
To fall in love with someone
Who doesn't really care for you
It's so obscure

But I feel wonderful
Yes, I feel
Don't you know I feel
Wonderful

(Chorus:)
God it make's me feel so good
Everytime I think about you
All of the heat over my desire
Smokin' like some crazy fire
C'mon kid look at me where I stand
Can't you see my heart burnin' in my hand
Do you want me, do you not
Doesn't feel cold, baby doesn't feel hot

I want to hold you, then be so held back
Don't want to need you, but it's where I'm at
Thinkin' about you everyday
How come I was made that way
So surreal

But I feel
(you know it makes me feel so, you know it makes me feel so)
Wonderful
Yes I feel
(you know it makes me feel so, you know it makes me feel so)
Wonderful

SANTANA feat. ALEX BAND WHY DON'T YOU N I?
Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking 'round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies...(oo)and it's alright
Bouncin round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you'd know I'd lied

Pre-Chorus
Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

Chorus
So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together and take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in

When's this fever gonna break?
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasin you around
(oo)And it's alright
Bouncin round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you'd know I'd lied

Pre-Chorus
Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

Chorus
So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together and take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in

( Only second time through)
And slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna end
Right about the same time you walk by
And I say 'Oh here we go again' oh

Pre-Chorus
Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

Chorus
So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together and take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in

So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together and take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in



STACIE ORRICO THERE'S GOTTA BE [MORE TO LIFE]

Yea, yea
Oh ohh, yeaaa

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
I'm wanting more.....

I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life...

Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life....life..
ohh...more to life..life..theres gotta be more to life...
ohh...more to life....theres gotta be more to life...ohhh


SIMPLE PLANPERFECT

Make dad look at me think back and talk to me
Did i grow up according to plan
And do you think im wasting my time doin things i wanna do
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now i try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
Im never gonna be good enough for you
cant pretend that im alright
and you cant change me

Cause you lost it all
Nothin lasts forever
Im sorry, i cant be perfect
Now its just too late
And we cant go back
Im sorry, i cant be perfect

I try not to think about the pain i feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero
All the days you spent with me now seem so far away
And it feels like you dont care anymore

And now i try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
Im never gonna be good enough for you
cant stand another fight
and nothings alright

Cause we lost it all nothing lasts forever
Im sorry, i cant be perfect
Now its just too late and we cant go back
Im sorry, i cant be perfect

Nothings gonna change the things that you said
Nothings gonna make this right again
Please dont turn your back i cant believe its hard just to talk to you
But you dont understand

Cause we lost it all nothing lasts forever
Im sorry, i cant be perfect
Now its just too late and we cant go back
Im sorry, i cant be perfect
(x2)

so what if everything i felt is like , lust , luck , loneliness , loyalty , pity , unconfident , infatuation , friendship , lie , charity , and LOVE ????

so what... i m still heartbroken.

Unscientific Answers

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught within your chest?

It isn't Love, it's Like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?

It isn't Love, it's Lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?

It isn't Love, it's Luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there?

It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?

It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.

Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don't want to hurt them?

It isn't Love, it's Pity.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?

It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?

It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?

It isn't Love, it's Friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?

It isn't Love, it's a Lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?

It isn't Love, it's Charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?

Then it's Love.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?

Then it's Love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?

Then it's Love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?

Then it's Love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?

Then it's Love.

But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?

Then it's Love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?

Then it's Love.

Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so,
why do we Love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?
Because it's...
Love

.... i have nothing to say.
for the first time.. i don't feel like blaming myself.
so its solitude once more gal!

joey yung's "xi guan shi lian" ..USED to BREAK UP.

..not holding your hand .. maybe i'll feel a little bit warmer.
once i hold your hand, doesn't mean the suffering will be less.
its too fast.. i haven't even enjoy the happiness, now i m already heartbroken.

i can't remember how warm is the love you gave me.
i can't think it thru.. i don't have the rights to make you softhearted.
but i know how sour my heart feels right now.

you thought that its my wrong..my fault last time that made you leave me, without even looking back at me.
why do you have to judge me so quickly..until our ending have to be like this??

i know i m not a good person, the only moment of my pride is when i m in love.
when i look back at the past, i can only question myself helplessly.
m i really that hateful that you have to hate me so much?

i know my tears will not touch you.
i only know how to hurt you.. why..why must i stay close to you?

you are not lonely.. maybe i m just a fool.
m i really not good enough..? or izzit because i don't know how to give you passionate kisses?
its enough to make you get fed up with me, can't give you happiness.

i m not worried, just feeling my heart getting bitter n sour.
i m only worried i will finally understand myself..understand the hopeless that i m.
i m afraid that next time i will soon get used to breaking up.

i m more afraid i will find out that we were never that close.
i m not attractive enough, you did not reject me hard enough.

did this love story ever exist onot?
why must i take all the blame when my heart is shattering and breaking?
can i still hold you back?
will i finally understand in my weariness.. understand how to love you?
loving someone is difficult..but i m willing to learn.
i m sure i can go on loving.

m i dreaming?.. haha..

can't believe he replied back. and the funnee thing is the way he replied doesn't show that he is that old..

anyway.. yesterday went to my cousin's wedding dinner.. thank god thank god i fixed my hair if not i would have lose out to yeng yeng n li peng..
well.. fai tried to intro a guy to me and i said hello without looking at him... fai scolded me..say i m proud. lcly wor..

and miraculously.. kiat n ah lai treated me so well.. let me sit on their chair.. ... and ah lim... ..i dunno.. everytime i went there.. he seemed so happy to see me.. yesterday too.. he was the first out ouf the 5 that i saw first.. teh others disappear dunno go where.. he was grinning widely at me..

when i wanna go.. i went over to say good bye to him. the music was blarring..and i guess he must have heard wrongly..i told him.." i have to go lor.." he must have heard.." go lor"
and he stood up and walk towards me.. he must have thought i want him to send me back...aiyoo.....

when i tell him that I HAVE to go.. he grinned stupidly at me and waved his hand... sigh.. still the small kid i used to know.. never change a bit..

.. flashback flashback... bout 4 of us..

they used to be my friends..closest friends... me.... my cousin, yeng yeng.. her mum's bf's children.. li peng.. kiat n lim..
2 girls.. 2 guys. i used to give them tuition.. they are mandarin educated.. kinda hard to communicate with them..

...what's so pathetic is.. i tell them my true friends is in school...while i tell my friends in school that they are my true friends. the fact is.. neither of them is.

....yeng is the one who always throw up tantrum... make everybody upset and get them into trouble..
lipeng is the cinderella... pretty...n vv nice...
kiat.. is the handsome one...the one that i m not close with.. he only hang out with pretty girls..
lim.. is the joker.. the one i m close with.. he is so funny that i can cry with laughter..


as years goes by.. everyone change..
i seldom go there liao...
yeng got worse.. lipeng got prettier..
kiat got uglier.. and gay i think.
lim got more handsome.


............................................................

back to yesterday..yea yea.. everyone was saying how pretty i have become.. all those crap.. and everyone was treating me so nice... kiat let me sit in his chair.. when i wanna get up he make me sit back down.
wa since when he treat me that good har?
and his bf.. hehe.. ah lai.. he's an indian. btw .. ...talk to me so nice.. what the heck.

and ah lim... well.. i didn't even talk to him.. he didn't talk to me... he kept silent all this while... but when i was talking to lipeng i suddenly felt someone pulled my hair.. i looked back..and he grinned stupidly .. i noticed he had grown sideburns... like nicholas tse... he IS getting more n more good looking..
he pulled my hair for 2 or 3 more times..and kept giving me that usual grin... he never change at all.. ish.


well...at least he didn't treat me differently.. if he did i would have hated it. like how i hated the crowd for their sudden interest in me.. all the uncles kept smiling at me..talking to me... .. when last time all they can say is how ugly i m...


the other guy who treated me the same is ah boon.. as usual la.. aiyo.. i shake hand with him...with his right hand.. ... 2 fingers chopped off that one... eee...so geli..imagine holding only 2 fingers in your hand... ee..
n i can't believe i let him hug me twice..not hug hug that kinda hug.. he just put his hand over my shoulder.. so tight i could fall.

and my aunt.. ..she put her hand over my shoulder and carress it... reminds me of what jingxiang did during our first date, only that hers din make me aroused.


when i went home.. my head was so full with that night's dinner.. i couldn't sleep properly.. i kept thinking of how they treat me.. i woke up at 3 am half talking..half moaning... felt like vomiting.. i kept thinking bout the dinner. i kept counting.. i dunno.. i just kept counting.. but count what???.. i dunno..
i couldn't take it.. i was twisting n turning on the bed... i pick up the phone.. and called jingxiang.. hoping he will pick up but he didn't.
i still can't sleep..kept thinking n thinking non stop.. crying liao that time.. i opened the door and went down to the living room and search for my dad's hp.. but DAMN it.. he took it up to his room liao.. sob sob...

i went back to my bed and tried to calm myself down but couldn't. just kept thinking bout the dinner.
bout why did he drink...why???..why????
.. i calmed down a little when i force myself to think bout jingxiang.. no.. actually it calmed me down a lot.. feel so much better...and can sleep liao..phew...
i wished he had picked up. but when i think back bout everything between me n him.... i get so hurt and i felt like hurting him back..and i wouldn't deny that the stuff i m writing here is just to hurt him.


...why must he drink...

n can't he tell me the truth?????

Nikki....

i. why is your mailbox at yahoo.co.uk and not local.....as it takes a longer route that delay delivery and may cost more!

ii. is butterfly kisses a song?
Cause I am not prepared to marry you off yet!
You r still my little girl....full of surprises, emotional and sensitive
and bet that Daddy is still around, caring to fill the gap of your lost mum but retarded with the physical barrier

Cheerio




Long Thin Kay
AVP, Data Center & Disaster Recovery
Information Systems
Maybank
Tel: 20747798 (D)



nikki
06-09-03 11:34 PM

To: tklong
cc:
Subject: butterfly kisses



There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she's daddy's little girl.

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and I thank god for all the joy in my life

Oh, but most of all for butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair;

"Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."

In all that I've done wrong, I know I must have done something right to deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet sixteen today,
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.
But I remember...Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy,
But if you don't mind
I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right to deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."

She leaned over and gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there, sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

"Walk me down the aisle, Daddy - it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy?
Daddy, don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right to deserve your love every morning and butterfly kisses-
I couldn't ask God for more,
man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go,
but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

what bout chloe?
does it sounds nice?

honestly. i hate it.
i still prefer either haze or nikki.

yes.. i m trying to distract myself.. failing.

he hung up on me.

and i supposed i m the one to be blamed.

it does seemed nonsensical for him to ignore me when i haven't even tell him anything yet.. at least it would have seemed more sane if i told him and he ignored me. even so, i still can't bring myself to tell him.

no matter what... it is still my past which causes this.

i would have told him if he did not take it so seriously.. the more he is forcing me to tell..the harder it is for me to tell..cuz i know he will think alot bout it when i tell him.. if he would just take it easyit would have been easier for me to tell..

nevertheless... what's done is done. its my fault for not telling and his fault for asking.


the irony is.. today my dad brought back his camera... and he's gone now.. that means i can upload..
when i wanted to use it.. its not here...now that i dun want to upload... its right here in front of me.

i see those photos i feel like deleting all of them. to hell with my face.
and he make it worse by caring so much bout it. ....no. correction. I made it worse by caring so much bout it.

....i m trying to take it easy.. but i can't.


i can't believe he told me that i don't love him as much as he do.. when he said that, i just went blur and shut my mind off the conversation. even when he hung up on me, i felt nothing cuz it wasn't as hurtful as that line.

i did so much for him..how could he say that??... just because i chose not to tell him my past..

i thought he will just accept the lie i told him.. but i didn't expect myself not to accept it. .. now he finally know how it felt like hearing a lie.. i accepted all the lies he told me as truth.. maybe that's just me.

...he always wanted me to love him like how he love me... but i have my own way of loving someone...i know he wants me to be possessive, to give up my friends for him, to test him, but i m not like that. i can't be like that.

...thinking back..all i did was call him and be a nuisance to him.

yes. i wanna lie. and i will continue to do it until i m ready to tell you the truth. so you might as well not ask.