haze

he hung up on me.

and i supposed i m the one to be blamed.

it does seemed nonsensical for him to ignore me when i haven't even tell him anything yet.. at least it would have seemed more sane if i told him and he ignored me. even so, i still can't bring myself to tell him.

no matter what... it is still my past which causes this.

i would have told him if he did not take it so seriously.. the more he is forcing me to tell..the harder it is for me to tell..cuz i know he will think alot bout it when i tell him.. if he would just take it easyit would have been easier for me to tell..

nevertheless... what's done is done. its my fault for not telling and his fault for asking.


the irony is.. today my dad brought back his camera... and he's gone now.. that means i can upload..
when i wanted to use it.. its not here...now that i dun want to upload... its right here in front of me.

i see those photos i feel like deleting all of them. to hell with my face.
and he make it worse by caring so much bout it. ....no. correction. I made it worse by caring so much bout it.

....i m trying to take it easy.. but i can't.


i can't believe he told me that i don't love him as much as he do.. when he said that, i just went blur and shut my mind off the conversation. even when he hung up on me, i felt nothing cuz it wasn't as hurtful as that line.

i did so much for him..how could he say that??... just because i chose not to tell him my past..

i thought he will just accept the lie i told him.. but i didn't expect myself not to accept it. .. now he finally know how it felt like hearing a lie.. i accepted all the lies he told me as truth.. maybe that's just me.

...he always wanted me to love him like how he love me... but i have my own way of loving someone...i know he wants me to be possessive, to give up my friends for him, to test him, but i m not like that. i can't be like that.

...thinking back..all i did was call him and be a nuisance to him.

yes. i wanna lie. and i will continue to do it until i m ready to tell you the truth. so you might as well not ask.