haze

m i dreaming?.. haha..

can't believe he replied back. and the funnee thing is the way he replied doesn't show that he is that old..

anyway.. yesterday went to my cousin's wedding dinner.. thank god thank god i fixed my hair if not i would have lose out to yeng yeng n li peng..
well.. fai tried to intro a guy to me and i said hello without looking at him... fai scolded me..say i m proud. lcly wor..

and miraculously.. kiat n ah lai treated me so well.. let me sit on their chair.. ... and ah lim... ..i dunno.. everytime i went there.. he seemed so happy to see me.. yesterday too.. he was the first out ouf the 5 that i saw first.. teh others disappear dunno go where.. he was grinning widely at me..

when i wanna go.. i went over to say good bye to him. the music was blarring..and i guess he must have heard wrongly..i told him.." i have to go lor.." he must have heard.." go lor"
and he stood up and walk towards me.. he must have thought i want him to send me back...aiyoo.....

when i tell him that I HAVE to go.. he grinned stupidly at me and waved his hand... sigh.. still the small kid i used to know.. never change a bit..

.. flashback flashback... bout 4 of us..

they used to be my friends..closest friends... me.... my cousin, yeng yeng.. her mum's bf's children.. li peng.. kiat n lim..
2 girls.. 2 guys. i used to give them tuition.. they are mandarin educated.. kinda hard to communicate with them..

...what's so pathetic is.. i tell them my true friends is in school...while i tell my friends in school that they are my true friends. the fact is.. neither of them is.

....yeng is the one who always throw up tantrum... make everybody upset and get them into trouble..
lipeng is the cinderella... pretty...n vv nice...
kiat.. is the handsome one...the one that i m not close with.. he only hang out with pretty girls..
lim.. is the joker.. the one i m close with.. he is so funny that i can cry with laughter..


as years goes by.. everyone change..
i seldom go there liao...
yeng got worse.. lipeng got prettier..
kiat got uglier.. and gay i think.
lim got more handsome.


............................................................

back to yesterday..yea yea.. everyone was saying how pretty i have become.. all those crap.. and everyone was treating me so nice... kiat let me sit in his chair.. when i wanna get up he make me sit back down.
wa since when he treat me that good har?
and his bf.. hehe.. ah lai.. he's an indian. btw .. ...talk to me so nice.. what the heck.

and ah lim... well.. i didn't even talk to him.. he didn't talk to me... he kept silent all this while... but when i was talking to lipeng i suddenly felt someone pulled my hair.. i looked back..and he grinned stupidly .. i noticed he had grown sideburns... like nicholas tse... he IS getting more n more good looking..
he pulled my hair for 2 or 3 more times..and kept giving me that usual grin... he never change at all.. ish.


well...at least he didn't treat me differently.. if he did i would have hated it. like how i hated the crowd for their sudden interest in me.. all the uncles kept smiling at me..talking to me... .. when last time all they can say is how ugly i m...


the other guy who treated me the same is ah boon.. as usual la.. aiyo.. i shake hand with him...with his right hand.. ... 2 fingers chopped off that one... eee...so geli..imagine holding only 2 fingers in your hand... ee..
n i can't believe i let him hug me twice..not hug hug that kinda hug.. he just put his hand over my shoulder.. so tight i could fall.

and my aunt.. ..she put her hand over my shoulder and carress it... reminds me of what jingxiang did during our first date, only that hers din make me aroused.


when i went home.. my head was so full with that night's dinner.. i couldn't sleep properly.. i kept thinking of how they treat me.. i woke up at 3 am half talking..half moaning... felt like vomiting.. i kept thinking bout the dinner. i kept counting.. i dunno.. i just kept counting.. but count what???.. i dunno..
i couldn't take it.. i was twisting n turning on the bed... i pick up the phone.. and called jingxiang.. hoping he will pick up but he didn't.
i still can't sleep..kept thinking n thinking non stop.. crying liao that time.. i opened the door and went down to the living room and search for my dad's hp.. but DAMN it.. he took it up to his room liao.. sob sob...

i went back to my bed and tried to calm myself down but couldn't. just kept thinking bout the dinner.
bout why did he drink...why???..why????
.. i calmed down a little when i force myself to think bout jingxiang.. no.. actually it calmed me down a lot.. feel so much better...and can sleep liao..phew...
i wished he had picked up. but when i think back bout everything between me n him.... i get so hurt and i felt like hurting him back..and i wouldn't deny that the stuff i m writing here is just to hurt him.


...why must he drink...

n can't he tell me the truth?????