haze

5 people u meet in heaven

i was laughing n feigning fake anger with ah b one minute n the other i was crying uncontrollably when reading the book..

when i was reading the book.. i tot it was lousy... its not even as tear jerky as the first one.
i didnt even batt an eyelash when he cleverly wrote... all parents damage their children.. it cannot be helped..yada yada

but when he stepped into the wife part.. suddenly one great whoosh of wave took over me n i was crying so badly like i never cried before in my life.
no its not some kinda reminder of me n my love encounters..but more of my dad n my mom.. n all that i lost after shes gone.. all that he lost.. though he still love her..


during valentines.. i was in high spirits.. but after i talk to someone.. i suddenly had to fought back tears... n ah b took it wrongly... n thought it was him.. naturally.. but of cos not..

i was fucking torn. yes i sympathize.. i know the pain. i understand it been thru it fought it got over it.
but i still envy. she got another chance while i dont. i lost it. n i didnt want to sympathize. she ought to be happy. ought to be jumping mad with relief. i would.

part of me wanted to be in her shoes. give her wat she need. part of me wanted to stand aside, like how everybody stand aside when i lost her. thats how i gotten strong.
ok.. to make a long emo story short i dunno whether to be selfish n woe in my own pain or to step in her pain n make them go away.


why she got another chance n i dont.

how selfish can i be thinking of this at that time. when mine is already over so so so so long ago.