haze

weekend of hell

it was perfect really. the timing. why did i bother to make it back to go to the party on friday night. n find out bout it all. that i m not worth staying for. the whole family's not worth staying for. that u r leaving us.
n this is the first time u cried. the first time i see how weak and i m disgusted by u. the first time i feel that i m smarter and more intelligent than everybody else including u. who is older than me by 40 years. n i m actually give YOU love advice.
telling u not to give a fuck bout this GIRL who is older than me by 3 years ONLY. she will grow up though u took her virginity away. wtf man wtf.
be a man.

i couldnt take it n i told her everything. after so long. so blardy long. n then both of us could not sleep the whole night.
the next day i went shooting.

blur, battered, cheated and cold.

n she went to her daughter's sports day.
blur, battered, cheated n cold.

n he went to his parents and his old wife.
unhappy, old, pathetic and in tears.


why did i tell her. cuz if i don't he will never stop.
cuz if i try to stop him myself. he would have lied to me.

n i realize that every man cheats. n men will group together to butcher a wife verbally with lies.
everyone she ask, theres a diff story.

shooting was actually busy enough to keep me off these things..
rain where there wasnt supposed to be any.
happy accident. haha

miscommunication.... back stabbing. arguments.
plus my family stuffs.

somehow din feel anything at all. not the least troubled.
gotten used to chaos since i was little.