one can't have all

finally felt the satisfaction of playing in a music band today... the high you get when the applause comes.. and the high you get when u realized u can play every decor in your musical notes without flaws.. and the high you get from the resonance with other instruments.. the rapport with band members.

but i m lacking behind in other things
i missed the yearly ancestral routine.. is she disappointed i did not come see her this year...
did she expect this from me so early and also in my coming of age year.

i have been confused lately.. of love and of need.. of want and of routine... of companions and of friends. deep down i m just the same girl i m inside, the same one who would feel lonely without people around her.. same one who yearns to break free from norms.. same one who walks away quietly without celebrating success.. same one who keep wanting to find more and more people to celebrate with..for success without celebration is not success... and celebration without people of the same dream is not celebration..

i will keep moving on.. working harder than ever.. trying to get an A in my work.. my life.. my love..my family and in everything else.. for i know i fail in everything else except for work.. cuz there is no one there to grade and guide me in all the other aspects of life..

promises is but a whim at a moment.. and like contracts, can be void after some time.