haze

i have so much on my mind that its impossible to express it all out in words.

... i know what i need to do is just to pretend that its the truth i m hearing and just beg him to come back to me... but... i dunno .. i feel..compelled to keep quiet.

i was too naive.. no one will give up the whole forest just for one tree.. no one but me..the foolish me.

i m disappointed in myself..in my disabilities to make him love me.. disappointed in my vulnerability to him.. all the tears that wet my pillow these few nights..

for the first time.. i felt guilt drowning me instead of anger... as usual..for the first few seconds i m upset and wanted to end everything...but after that.. i felt vulnerable again..

...maybe i was in debt of him in my previous life... repaying mydebts now...