i m so content with my life now that i had nothing to complain and nothing to say about it.

but i know i can be happier... only.. how?

argh!!!..who sang this song???? ish.. i don't understand the language but the song's great. how can i find out who sang it???...

its a korean song... sent to me by a friend... or rather..a temporary friend.... .

if theres anyone who know the korean singer who sang the song.."i love you" please email me.

... i wish i knew how to speak korean.

...i have never been so confused before.. not at him..but at myself..
yea.. i wanted something. and i wanted to get it.. but why can't i tell him?? ... was it because i still feel i m not close enough with him?..no.. i felt close.. but why??
and because of my stupidity.. i think i hurt him... no.. i m SURE i hurt him.. damn it!!
but like i said.. everything happens for a reason.. why m i saying this at this hour..

sigh... i wonder if he will ever call again... sob..


...feel as if i m too demanding.. hmm......... hell..

its so deja vu...

all these while...i thought he will never miss me..or think of me cuz he's always so busy with his life... and i m the only one missing him..wanting him.every minute of the day...
but yesterday...he msged me.."you may not think of me much daily cuz you have so much to do... but i do"

i was speechless... too surprised to defend myself against that line..

hehe... he seemed to be more n more ME.. i dunno.. i just start to see myself in him more n more.. the sudden outbursts of emotions.. sudden blues..out of no apparent reason at all... he seemed to be getting more n more clever each day.. while i.. i just wanna love him the way he wanted me to. i don't mind giving up anything for him..

there was another deja vu...but i forgot what it was... well..he always made me surprised whenever he did something out of the ordinary.. notices things and remember stuffs that even i dun give a damn about.. and when he does that...i m either too happy that he noticed .. or too surprised that i forgot bout myself..


he bought a phone card and we talk for like an hour and half... our first long phone talk since we got back together in april... nothing much had changed...just that.. matured liao.. but i m still stupid and dumb enough to say things that i m not supposed to say... but well.. its the price for honesty...


he can be really sweet n funny at times... but most of the time.. he's too busy.. or..its just that i felt that i m a nuisance to him..


....bout trust. ... i think.. only time can prove it.


he's unpredictable nowadays...n i love it.

i have so much on my mind that its impossible to express it all out in words.

... i know what i need to do is just to pretend that its the truth i m hearing and just beg him to come back to me... but... i dunno .. i feel..compelled to keep quiet.

i was too naive.. no one will give up the whole forest just for one tree.. no one but me..the foolish me.

i m disappointed in myself..in my disabilities to make him love me.. disappointed in my vulnerability to him.. all the tears that wet my pillow these few nights..

for the first time.. i felt guilt drowning me instead of anger... as usual..for the first few seconds i m upset and wanted to end everything...but after that.. i felt vulnerable again..

...maybe i was in debt of him in my previous life... repaying mydebts now...

love leave for somewhere,
heart goes for nowhere.

i have been thinking day n night bout what this means....
does it mean that when there's love..then there'll be motive..there'll be an aim in life?
and the heart chose where it wanna belong without any reasons?

...does it mean.. our heart will just simply choose to belong to someone else..and with love.. we will have an aim in life??

what the heck does it mean???


whoever who know what it mean..please email me..at hazy_glade@hotmail.com

UNWELL

All day staring at the ceiling..making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something.

Hold on! Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown and I don't know why...


But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see a different side of me.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care but soon enough you're gonna think of me and how I used to be...me.

I'm talking to myself in public, dodging glances on the train and I know, I know they've all been talking about me..I can hear them whisper and it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking, somehow I've lost my mind

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me ..yea... they're taking me away

I'm just a little unwell

i miss him so much... sob..sob...what is he doing now.... i wonder..