haze

CAGE OF LOVE
i really can't take it.. i really need to let everything out.. its better saying everything out here than to lose my temper on him

i suddenly thought of the past...and it really made me upset.
...seems to me that everything is just an illusion thats all..
these past few days.. i didn't dare to go online.. because i wasn't ready to face him yet.

sometimes... i really wanna talk to him.. but when i call him.. i have nothing to say.. and i remember vv well what happened when i tried to start a new topic with him. ... makes me more depressed.

there is just one thing i really need to know the truth.. but i m also afraid of finding that out.
because i really don't understand.... why must he still talk to her.. let her sit beside him ...lend her stuff... his digicam.. when she is the one who spread my photos around..
doesn't he care?? ... m i that invisible??... sometimes i wonder if its worth it for me to lose so much because of him..
i wonder if he loves me..

unless..the truth is she didn't did it. if she didn't..then of course its him.

i don't wanna find out.. i really don't wanna find out.
i really wonder if he loves me.

i lost so much for him.. and i remember vvv well that not only did he not support me, he suspect that i like kiaki. what a way to stand up for your gf in bad times.
and he did nothing.. in times that i needed him most.


i really wonder if he loves me.
all he know what to think is whether i will leave him for another guy.. whether i two time him onot..
he was the one FREE FOR CHAT that day.. and he said that i m free for chat.


i can't stand it anymore!!!!! i felt like hurting him back.. getting back at him...
everytime we talk on the phone, he kept hinting that i m talking to guys..that i have other guys behind his back.
why can't he just think of himself first?? he and his girl-friends.


it really hurts alot!!!!! ... I can't talk to my friends... and i can't tell him either... and its even wrong to type it here... i wonder what can i really do in this cage of love.
who can i turn to???....

all these while...evon kept thinking of what a good bf he is to me.. because of the way i talk bout him.. and she kept having the impression that i don't love him at all.... but i really do.. i really do...
i just wish he stop hinting to me that i m flirty .... and for god sake, kill that bitch.

if i go sg and see him talking to her.. i SWEAR i will stab her to death.. I SWEAR.

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i m still upset. i haven't calm down yet...


25082003 MONDAY