haze

today.. i look at my fingernails.. long and white, and i thought "i will crop them off, it is time i return to my piano"



i see my stiff fingers dancing with effort across the keys..and i was thoroughly disappointed.
m i never good at what i love?


i tear out a piece of art canvas, and watch the pencil in my hand move timidly. unconfident strokes came upon the paper. a disfigured visage of a lady stare back at me with eyes too big for a face too small.
i was disappointed.
m i never good at what i love?


i turned on the radio.. and chose my favourite piano solo which used to make the tears well up in my eyes. as the music unroll.. i felt nothing but distaste for the music i had once love so much.
m i tired with what i love?


as the minutes pass like a boat on 1 knots.. the house slowly silence itself..and emotions took over me in my loneliness... i suddenly recall the spirit of my old self. i recall how to sit patiently by the piano, listening to my hideous attempts to perfection to the praises i will receive. i also recall how i used to see my father turn up his nose at the sight of my portraits to the confidence that i didn't lose til today when people crowd around me to see my deft strokes.
i remembered how the piano solo was the only thing in this world that has given me emotions, emotions that i thought will never be greater.


then i weep to myself and ask, "what happened to me?"


i fell in love. that's what happened.