haze

UNFORGETTABLE..........

i had moved on..woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heart, body n soul babe!.. so happy for myself..

oh wait.. that has nothing to do with the title........ out of topic... thank god this won't be marked or seen by any english examiners...


okok..i'll get back to the topic.... ish.

can't wait to get back to campus.......... i actually miss the food there..someone pls take a pan n plonk on my head.. i actually miss campus food.......... weird....

ok. still out of topic. yes. dun nag me..i'll get to the topic soon enough..


today .. i stayed at home..n did my work... 2 years ago.. i would have still go out n have some fun... somehow the habits i picked up during my relationship with jx still remained til now, i got used to staying at home n doing my work n being alone.. now i dun feel like going out n having some clean fun with both sexes... still i felt better staying at home.... wonder if its a good thing or a bad thing?

yesterday i read some of my past blogs... it amazed me to see how pathetic i was before.. putting in optimism into this blog eventhough i m at my lowest.. writing positive 'honest' thoughts even when i felt otherwise..

thats really weird.. because now that i really feel happy, i have a hard time finding words to describe how i feel cuz all those happiness that i penned here previously before are somehow made up.......? yea... made up.. not that i do not feel happy last time, i do..but in a more somber mood... not so light n .. easy as it is now..

see wat i mean by difficulty in finding words...........................


anyway.. back to that.. i really felt like changing my blog.. because i really do detest it.. its dishonest, existed only to please.. n to hurt.


but no, i'll keep it. somehow i'll keep it.. just like how i keep away all my past n lock them in a hidden unseen drawer that only those closest to me will have a chance at trying to unlock them. n it was unlocked yesterday.


i had never felt better in my life. i felt bare n naked n exposed telling the truth.. so much so that i felt innocent once more. just like a child..

but worried.. yes.. of cos.. worried that the truth will only be understood, n never be accepted. risks must be taken, yes? no.. i rather not. i rather them still in that hidden, unseen drawer that remained unseen til the day i die.


yes.. i have DRIVEN myself out of topic into nowhere... heck cares..


the song for me is no longer deep n sad with heart pulling cello... its a high n melodious sweet cascade of notes just like a soft waterfall...

melodies of life.... haha..


the memoried of the past few days kept going on n on thru the built in camera of my mind.. taunting or seducing...i do not wish to choose either word to describe..haha..

[curves dazzling smile n eyes interwining of limbs milk short jeans handphones red box singing high heels sweat traffic crossing hand round my waist heartbeat smelly mouths mozarella taxis slaps under rams jerks sluts socks piano songs i love you]



but i regret nothing in the past ..past that has happened. whether izzit decisions..or things i did too rashly.. i do not regret. i only fear that they would hurt the one i love right now.

everythings dizzy... happening too fast.. spinning too fast.. that all that is left in this world is me n you.. how weird.. how to explain.. i do not know..


happy? thats in the topic. now i m leaving.