haze

COMPLICATIONS


y must things be so complicated. cant everything in this world not matter. cant they all just disappear. y work. y money. y clothes. y sex. y parents. y feelings. y feelings. y feelings??

i kept trying to tell myself.. not everyone is like me. they are not as sensitive. nor as efficient. nor as fast. nor as foolish. but i can't help getting frust .. at them for not being as sensitive, efficient, fast or foolish.

.. i got the full impact of my stupidity just about 7 minutes ago. i m reminded of how tactless n how demanding i m. not that i do not realize i m that, i do. seriously i do.

i was brutally reminded of my past relationship where anything n everything he did cause me no anger nor hatred but just pure pain and saddistic physical pain too. suddenly at that moment, i just felt like laughing.. saddisticly at myself.


somehow i know. by being reminded so cruelly will cause guilt n pain to him too. he's probably remorsing now. thinking of how to console me back. n by knowing this, it cause me more pain.


i wonder how long this would last before we actually shout n yell at each other because of our differences. n after that our conscience would sink in n we would regret. wat the hell for. i wonder..


this is getting more n more ridiculous by day. when differences are set aside, i felt such ultimate happiness that i have never felt before n all i wanted was that happiness to last for more than that mere moment of it happening. cuz after it is over, i would start to ponder n wonder whether did he felt the same way too..did he feel the happiness that overwhelm me so much that i even felt like i m dreaming?

alone for a while.. i been searching thru the dark..for traces of the love u left in my lonely heart.
our paths. they did cross..though i cannot say just why..we met we laugh we held on fast n then we said goodbye.
in ur dearest memories. do u remember loving me?
was it fate that brought us close n now leave me behind?
if i should leave this lonely world behind, ur voice will still remember our melody.
now i know we'll carry on.. ...


its really amazing.. now that when things is quiet... no words.. nothing being expressed.. its the most expressed moment. everything just started flooding in. containing me in the huge rush of feelings that arouse every once or so.

no mood to do anything already... heck care....... aih...

wish he's by my side... like those days..those days where i took time for granted. now i barely have time to truly appreciate him. miss him so much.....