haze

I WAS WRONG ABOUT MYSELF

its over and done..but the heartache lives on inside.. and who's the one u r clinging to instead of me tonight?
and where r u now??? now that i need u..
tears on my pillow..wherever u go.. i'll cry me a river that leads to ur ocean..
u'll never see me fall apart..in the words of the broken heart its just emotions..taking me over..caught up in sorrow..lost in the song.. but if u don't come back.. come home to me darling.. there'll be nobody left in this world to kiss good night..
nobody left to kiss me..
good night...



new skin!!!!! like it?? i designed myself.. instead of getting them at blogskins.com ..like my old ones... this one is more personal.. i m going to add more and more pics in the bottom.. when i finally can upload from my hp.. this page will be loaded with photos..


things isn't going too well... nothing's funny anymore... nothing make me laugh anymore... no.. i m not talking about him.. i m talking bout life in campus.. somehow i can't click with others.. i felt isolated.. just like old times.


now all i wanted to do is just keep to myself n give no damn to shit they talked.


what makes me happy.. yea.. listening to my father's words after i told him i m going back yesterday which is thursday.. he seemed elated.. happy.. n cheerful.. he will always be someone who welcome me home no matter when n where i m.. felt so much better.


i wonder if someone will ever felt like that about me..



i miss them so much.... i can't keep track with them anymore.. one by one they drifted.. to north to south..then back here again..

will life always be like this? things n people that we cherish and laugh with now are just meant to fade away in the end? pointless to cherish them now..izzit? it will only make us feel worse... lonely..


now that i think of it.. people who are pretty are just the same as those who are ugly.. those who r ugly get unnoticed.. they are in the shadow.. no one wanna talk to them..or get near them.. but they have friends.. that stay true..
those who r pretty get noticed..but not all the attention they get is good.. some are admiring... some jealousy.. some hatred.. some love.. everyone wanna talk to them.. except the same gender... they have friends.. but not all true.. n they have people who purposely treat them as if they are invisible..



how ridiculous.


haha... first 5 years of my life.. i hate everything that my parents tell me to do.
next 5 years of my life.. i hate everything my teachers tell me to do.
another next 5 years of my life.. i hate everything about me.
now, during this 5 years of my life.. i hate everything around me.


maybe one day i'll hate everything so much that i would just end this spark of fire in me and lay cold n blue on a slab of stone that will be lowered into a brown box that will be cremated in front of people i hate.


if its not for the people i love.. i would have been so cold n blue that no slab of stone will want me.

the christians have their God to live for.. to love and to lead them on.. i somehow can't fit in to that category. somehow God won't answer. i wonder if its because i m too stained and unworthy for that.


m i being dreamy now.
no i m not
i m being myself.


its hurting..really... the see the effect of my existence upon certain people...it appears that i hurt him so much that the mere existence of my name in the ONLINE list of MSN can make him purposely go offline to avoid me... it hurts to know that he couldn't bear to even let me see him online..


perhaps i should explain..

those who laugh are not exactly happy.. they can be sad too
those who cry might be happy...
and not saying anything doesn't mean they are not angry...
and those who dump their gf/bf doesn't mean they feel no pain...
and those who got dumped doesn't mean they are innocent...
those who listen to gossip but shut up about it doesn't mean they are doing the right thing...

and those who are being loved doesn't mean they have to love back.




i felt like changing my wardrobe.. i m no high class baby queen.. perhaps i should wear my father's clothes to campus... muahahaha.




You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very
creative but never show your work to anyone.
You may smile a little but sadness or
loneliness surround you and other can feel it
when they're near you. You have a dark or
unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and
you probably have a lot of secrets that you've
never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging
and unorthidox but the real thing that makes
you special is your eyes. Something in them
makes them like Diamonds in the Rough.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla



.......late at night when all the world is sleeping.. i stay up n think of u.. n i wish on a star that somewhere r u thinking of me too..
cuz i m dreaming of u tonight..til tomoro, i' be holding u tight..n there's nowhere in the world i rather be than here in my room.. dreaming about u n me..
wonder if u ever see me.. n i wonder if u know i m there....m i there? m i?
if u looked in my eyes..would u see whats inside?
would you even care?
i just wanna hold u close..but so far all i have are dreams of u...
so i wait for the day to take courage to say how much i love u... yes i do..
i'll be dreaming of u tonight..til tomoro i'll be holding u tight.. n there's nowhere in this world i rather be..than here in my room dreaming about u n me..

sweet heart..i can't stop thinking of you... how i need u.. my love..how i miss u..

late at night when all the world is sleeping..i stay up n think of u..
n i still can't believe..that u came up to me n said i love u..
i love u too..

now i m dreaming with u tonight..til tomoro n for all of my life..n theres nowhere in this world i rather be ..than here in my room..
dreaming with you endlessly.....