haze

dead

i feel so dead

wanna be alone

be invisible

study without anyone bugging me.
go shopping alone with a sour look

walk around with a sour look

wanna go out late at night. n dun come back.

wanna tell him. scold him. ask him.

since when is lying to ur children the right way to bring them up?
since when is their needs inferior to yours.
since when is progeniture still practised today?

couldnt' sleep yesterday..Talked with Him the whole night.. i promised Him a christmaS present i m not sure i could give. i m so small. will He really be there for me.

not that i want His company.

i always thought that those who follow Him are those who doesn't have a purpose in life.. thereforE they seek one. i have always have a purpose. a purpose i didn't question.

study hard. get rich

leave this family. make my own.

dun come back.

now. how can i leave. something that is crying silently for me to save.
but how could i savE either.

i losT all direction... i lost my grip of life.

i even lost all my friends. cuz i changed too much. n i m different from them now. i cannot be happy around them anymore. not like old times.

i cant turn back. my old life is not suitable.

yet i miss them. those happiness .. the happiness of not knowing anything or not following anything.

now i haVe to replan everything.

n i m lost.

i wanna be alone. from everybody. be silent. like i used to be. but they'll blame me. cuz they care. n they want to help.

i do not need anyone.

what i need is space.