haze

do you love
or are you only in the habit of loving

....

what has happened to me.

this is not myself.

i have not been questioning myself. why. how. how come. i do not expect. i do not seek..


... why do i not search for the one. why do i always wait for them to come to me. why do i not be like others. n count the Xs n the Ys that i need for the equation of a boyfriend.

.. since when did i change into if-i-ask-for-too-much-those-less-perfect-won't-have-anyone-to love-them attitude.

since when did i stop goo goo ga ga over cute guys.
since when did i stop LOOKING.

no.. not jx...not him .. but further in the past.

yee chen.

i have stop asking. cuz he's all i ever wanted. n ..um.. sadly.. i m loser enough not to make effort to get to him. n when i failed. i knew i will never find another like him. so i stop asking. n expecting.

but thats years ago. if i were who i m now then.. i would never have even look at him.


since when did the right one didn't matter to me.

aiya. i dunno la. dun care. dun wanna care.


.. maybe thats y.

hehe. * scratch.. he...he..............................


then again.

since when i stop caring bout my future. since when i rushed into MMU thinking it would suit me.
since when i stop yearning to go abroad to study.

since when i stop planning bout my future. bout who i wanna be with.
bout what i wanna be.
bout how i m gonna get teh money since nothing is gonna go to me after my dad dies.


since when did i lose my mind.

since when did i rush into a relationship thinking he would suit me.

one thing i din rush. i din rush choosing Him.


at last.

one right thing i did correct.

phew.