haze

speaking of disasters..

i brought my sister to ice skating today, i had hoped the day to be enjoyable.
but it was of anger.

she was a spoilt brat losing temper and giving faces while i was a scowling sister who almost hit her.
i do not understand when she was 5, she seemed fine. but now she well, isnt. since she fell down on an average of 4 minutes once in that ....1 or 2 hour we skated. while i did not fall at all, well because i was tagging her all the time n blowing insults at her.

oh well, there goes her interest and my only possible skating partner. where oh when oh how can i have someone to go ice skating with me.

hard to love something without sharing the joys of it with others, but it seems like it can be such pain for others instead.
ice skating is a thang where some people will jump n plead to be there but also a sport where others see that its a ALIEN, a risk of losing face n warmth when they fall.

first went with my cousins, whom slowly dropped out of interest i do not know why since the girl cousins netted their first shoal of boyfriends there and the boy cousins eagerly helped the fallen girl victims.
then i finally managed to plead my girlfriends in high school, but who happily agreed that it was too crowded when they were there.
and then i went with a certain someone that was a severe case of patience testing and really a risk of losing face and warmth.
now finally its zeek and celine or tan. but its hard to time with them.. i mean our money. sometimes i dun have it, sometimes its others. i dunno.


been a long day being a sister. it would be easier being a mother cuz i would not feed her nonsense like this one was.
tired of keeping good relations, i find myself having symptoms of smokers trying to quit. i see bad qualities in people around me.

my sis is not the smart, bold to the hilt, independant girl i wanted her to be. she asked me for opinion for everything even when she have to throw the rubbish. she couldnt do a thing on her own without asking 2000 questions. she couldnt cross the road without looking 10 secs left, 10 secs right then looking at me FOREVER until i gave her the cue to cross.

well i m being too much, cuz she ain't me. she does not lie like i do when i was a .....2?, she did not sneak out to shopping complexes after school like i did when i was ... 9. which was why i know how to cross roads after 3 bloody accidents. in fact she is much better n less troubled than me. i m after all, problemed. and she is.. sheltered, still sheltered from this world's gory.

off post- omg i just saw 5 minutes of 'requiem for a dream'. its blardy good. damn good.shit i cant stop previewing it .. haha... its really nice
and the kiss because i m a girl is not subtitled. CRIES