haze

TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHER

why m i frustrated??


i m amazed by myself.. i wonder how i did it.. weirdness.. apparently.. doing something calls for the preparation of accepting it.. n apparently i m ridiculously unprepared.

BE CONTENT.

ok.
i m content...

wat??

i AM content..

... i m content..

.....................................................................................................................


yesterday night.. walked into the shop..ordered pan mee... both me n my father..

... u know.. ur mom...she loves eating this.... she likes it torn.. not machined rolled...


.....

..

do u still love her?


....(nods his head furiously)i miss her alot.. like crazy...

.....


....is there... any way to let go?..


...(shakes his head furiously)... no.. it can't be.. why should i?
why should i forget her?... husbands n wives dun forget.. if its puppy love.. i don't give a damn..
its all about choices..[i jerked my head up violently..choices??]... but when it comes to husband n wife.. its no longer a choice.. its fate.



the met when he was 16... 10 years..they lasteD..then they got married.. ..n 10 years of marriage... then she left us...

now 10 years has passed.... n my dad still remembers.... wat she like to wear.. what she love to eat... everything....


after 10 years.. will i remember u?
will i remember the songs u sanG to me... n how u fed me?.. or how.. ah. watever


..........................................................................................................


how can he remember her so much more?.. when i don't?
does that means i love her less?

i supposed it does. 8 years with her.. yet... how she fought n defend me from my father... i have no where in my heart to appreciate it.

the most vivid memories.. .. when he beat me....... she coaxed me... carried me in her arms.. n fed me butter from the container.. i hated butter then.. but somehow after that.. i love it.....

.. remembered once.. when i was such a bad kid... n then i realized wat i had done.. she was cooking in the kitchen.. n i just ran to hug her... n tell her 'thank u for everything'... i must say i m not a very emotional person when it comes to words.. n whenever i do say something like that.... sigh. not a pretty sight.. conclusion is.


n of cos.. silly times....

there was once.. where my mom n dad wanna have some ..er.. private times in the bathroom.. she Gave me the excuse.."na.. now mammy had to rub daddy's back for him in the bathroom... if anyone comes around... please tell them we've gone out..ok?"

.... moments later... someone rang the doorbell....
salesman..... hallo.. where is daddy n mommy??
me... i dunno wor.. they gone out adi....
salesman...... gone out where?.. when will they come back?
me..... i dunno. mammy she..rubbing daddy's back.. need vv long one...
salesman... laughs weirdly..... ok..ok....i'll come back later..


after that.. i told them...wat happened n wat i said... my mom couldn't stop laughing.. n my father looked annoyed..

haha....din understand wats going on til much much later.


of cos..there were bad times.. when they fought.. n wouldn't talk to each other.. me.. trying to play midde man.. would purposely cry.. n moaned.."mammy.. dun be angry with daddy already... dun fight adi.."......n it works everytime....at leaSt in front of me..


..............................................................................................................................

i supposed its ok.. its alright.