haze

Calmi couri Appassionati

i do not understand.. why they have to hide.. all they are feeling inside.. n just keep quiet while i do wrong.. can''t they just tell me...do i not deserve at least a word..of consolation? or explanation?

i know i m not good enough.. but i will try... i'll try to be good..n be better.. cuz i know i can be better..but why didn't they gimme a chance? y always when i get fed up only they start to show signs..signs that i should have done more

wat m i talking about... nothing to do with any that has happened

can the freaking nightmares stop coming?

feel so sick.. wanna be alone from everyone... dun wanna care bout anyone.. like in the past.. do watever i wanna do.. duncare shit bout what others can't do.. n the fact that they need help... go eat whenever i wanted to ....instead of waiting for people.. n tagging along n wasting my time.. wanna read those books i wanna read... n wanna play piano when i reach home..not on the laptop..n waste my time chatting away with people that i dun really care about but i had to pretend i care cuz thats wat i should do.

feel so bad... can't have bad thoughts.. cant do bad things.. controlled in every single way i can be controlled.. wanna be free once more...

n do i love? have i loved??

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught within your chest?

It isn't Love, it's Like.
no they are not.. guess i dun like u....

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?

It isn't Love, it's Lust.
ok fine. lust then.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?

It isn't Love, it's Luck.
no.. guess its not luck..never was luck

Do you want them because you know they're there?

It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.
ok..guess i m lonely..just lonely..

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?

It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.
no... of cos not... of cos not..wat bout u?

Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don't want to hurt them?

It isn't Love, it's Pity.
i'll think bout this if it is real...if confessions of love exists...but wat bout u?? u pity me?

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?

It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident.
do i feel more confident with u holding my hand?.. yes i do.. but do i feel less confident when u don't? no i don't.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?

It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.
if my heart skipped one beat..i'll be dead already.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?

It isn't Love, it's Friendship.
who says lovers can't be friends?....they can? can they??

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?

It isn't Love, it's a Lie.
only that its the truth..... ok..most of the time..97% of the time..that is.. but still..

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?

It isn't Love, it's Charity.
of cos.. then its charity?? ..

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?

Then it's Love.
not really... not really.. dun even know if i care..

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?

Then it's Love.
yes..of cos i stay... without regret. but u? wat bout u..

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?

Then it's Love.
yes of cos... learnt to love them even more then ur positive side.. but still..why do i feel like theres something missing..

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?

Then it's Love.
no i don't.. but when they cry.. i cry too.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?

Then it's Love.
yes it hurts... never stop hurting.

But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?

Then it's Love.
i told u that love's painful..n happy.. now do u believe me? no pain..no gain... i m suffocating in my own pain n my own happiness.. yet can i call it love?

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?

Then it's Love.
heart stolen. life given... death not taken yet.


....do love only exist when love is given AND taken?
if u r the one for me.. arent u supposed to feel the same?
if i m the one for u.. aren't i supposedly flawless to u?
if love's so complicated..could it be i dun love u.. n u actually love me?
if i love u... n u love me back.. why m i not feeling that incredibly high feeling of happiness?
so does that means u don't love me back? or i dun love u?

if i dun love u.. why do i think of u before i sleep.. n when i wake up.. could it be because u r the only one i hang out with so often? or could it be u r important?
if i dun love u.. why do i keep holding u close n not letting u go.. when i could actually have the strength to leave n feel nothing bout it..could it be i m stubborn? that i wanna show others we are long termed? or could it be i can't live without u if i choose to feel that way..
if i dun love u.. why do i feel sad everytime i see u afar.. n wanna feel u near.. why do i get upset when u chose to talk to others.. n refuses to talk to me.. could it be i m just possessive of u? n that i wanna show everybody u r mine? or could it be i can't spend one second away from u?


if u dun love me.. y do u tell me u can't bear seeing me without u by my side?.. could it be u can't bear seeing me sad? or could it be u r feeling guilty of causing my sadness.
if u dun love me.. y do i see u so happy when u r with me?.. is that laugh for real? or for fake?..
if u dun love me.. y do u always think of us n cry cuz u can't be perfect n can't be wat i want? y do u even care? if i do not love u.. would u stay? would u still not let go?

but if i do love u.. y m i frustrated at u for being u?
n if u do love me.. y won't u tell me?

if there were no words.. no way to speak.. i would still hear u..
if there were no tears..no way to feel inside i still feel for u..
n even if the sun refused to shine.. even if romance ran out of rhyme..
u would still have my heart until the end of time.. cuz all i need is u..my valentine..

all of my life.. i have been waiting for all u give to me..
u opened my eyes.. n showed me how to love unselfishly..
i dreamt of this a thousand times before. in my dreams i couldn't love u more..
i would give u my word until the end of time..
u r all i need my love.. my valentine

actually.. do i hear u?.. or m i imagining things?
i can't feel anything inside now... do i feel for u.. i guess i do..
the romance is long gone.. but is my heart still with u... ? well.. if i can't feel anything inside.. of cos its with u. duh.
.. all i need is u?.. only u?