haze

THE PRICE OF LOVE

some love too deep ....n were caught in it. n never could get out.. he was one of them..
some love too deep.. but felt unworthy of love.. so she ran away.
~Original Sin

what m i to think..that u could live in my world. of dirt n lies.
what m i to think.. that i could live in ur world.. of the Holy n the pure.

no matter how i pretend.. how i wanna fit in.. nothing good will come out of it. but if i stay long enough..a miracle would happen.. they always do. He always reward those with patience dun He.. wat bout those that sin..

if i had stolen.. kill n rape before.. n i tell u so.. but i tell u also that my mother is dead.. i was sexually abused.. n i was exploited by my own family.. could u find room to punish me?

so now if i tell u i m not wat i seemed to be..i did things that i have not forgiven myself.. but i tell u also that i have changed.. n that my feelings for u is real.. would u leave..

.. if i tell u that i have done more wrong than i should.. i did things that i dun care whether i should repent.. but i tell u that i really want u to be my friend.. would u still hug me when i needed u?

this is not a love story..
this is a story about love..
~Original sin

if today u know me as haze... i know u would love me... but tomoro if u know me as yen... would u love me?.. a love story has only 2 personas in them...they are always kind.. gentle .. their personality won't change..
while a story bout love.. has love.. between 2 souls.. souls change... they do.. i do.

would u love yen....?...

... .would u have believed me if i tell u i multilated part of my face.. would u..

i feel good.. writing it all out.. for people to see n console me.. but would u still come to me if i tell u that all that has happened to me before.. in the past.. NOW.. n the future doesn't matters to me. even what i m writing now.. as if they really matters.. as if i really care. as if i m being honest.

thats wat i m.. do i repel u now?..

wat matters to me now.. no.. not grades..not money... not career.. not u. not me.. not everybody... not Him.. nothing matters.

make it matter... please make everything matter to me.. back again.. i have lost my feelings once more... tears are dropping.. but i m not feeling painful... felt sadistic.

no..not because of u..not because of wat i did.. or wat u did.. even if it didn't happened... i would still be like this...its just the season.. not only u changes accordingly.. i do too.. n i have a feeling its worse..
cuz honestly.. i miss being alone.. miss being independant n miss looking annoyed n cool.

nothing interests me..

but i won't shut u out.. no.. cuz u r my friend.. when i needed u..u were there to hug me..n to remind me that there is someone there by my side... now i dun need u.. i'lls till be there.. not cuz i care.. but because u r important to me.. very important...

won't shut u out too.. of cos not.. no Y light zone... at least not in front of u... can't do that to u... won't.
pardon my stage act these coming days... blog's the only place i can write.. n i will write even if no one sees.. even if everybody sees.
even sometimes on the stage laughter can be real... n tears can be real..

if there were no tears.. no way to feel inside.. i still feel for u..