haze

eruption


"I have a right to my anger, and I don't want anybody telling me I shouldn't be, that it's not nice to be, and that something's wrong with me because I get angry."
Maxine Waters


finallly i erupted.

i dunno what to say for my action. if u guys think that i m cruel for taking out my frustration on him. then scold me.


another time.. yet again my dad asked me for help.. but when i tried to help, he brushed me off with a swatter when i was halfway thru.

i lost myself. i totally lost control. i said "fine, everytime u asked me for help u are always like this. i m so tired of it"

n i went down to the base ment.


was venting my anger on a bowl of cornflakes kokocrunch.

when i went back up. he was all nice.. gave me an apple.. an all..

n now he didn't even ask me for the internet line.


too late!!


y must i always tolerate all these nonsense.. n when i made noise, i m considered as 'talking back'.. n 'unfilial' n ' angst'


wat gave them the right to blow their temper on me in the first place???
blowing temper doesn't nessecarily meant shouting n cursing, giving black face, glaring, pretentious attitude, ignoring others, crying in front of others n mistreating others is also forms of blowing temper.


y must i tolerate all? if they blow their horns can't i do the same? i have every same right with them.

just now he was using my laptop.. my msn msg was open.. ARES was open.. AI opened.. when i came back up.. it was all closed. yea.he read my private stuffs.. probably even pitied me for my recent pitfalls.

u know wat? i dun need any pity.

cuz in my life.. in my relationship with my family or with my bf. they are the ones making the deals. the decisions. with just one single word.. they can cut me off..n expects me to accept it in watever way of mine.

even him. just ignore me n expects me to adapt to all the changes.

yea. i know. writing this. those guys contacts in my list right now. those conversations.. games. will make him mad. but tell me, isn't that wat he wants? for me to move on n find someone better?

if i held on..n continue pestering him.. wat good will it bring ?.. he won't msg me back or contact me. he might feel good cuz i m still having the hots for him.


wat bout me? wat m i really supposed to do? wat is the right thing to do?
can i be upset too n ignore someone for a change? can't i tell somoene off too just because i dun like the way they are, or the changes that happened to them?


can't i? y do i always have to be the one who adapts to the changes they made to my life? y must i adapt to being alone now? y must i adapt.