haze

nowadays...which is really rare... i actually get ideas bout wat to write in my blog. there is a certain blog out there written by a certain someone with good english, with OOMMPH! that relightens my memory and my own OOMMPH!.. it gave me the anger and the humour that is needed for me to spill it all out in the most effective way.
now i m not going to name the blog because
1. it is not relevant.
2. the blog is not mine to circulate.
3. i found the blog while i surfed, no lies bout that. aint nobody that i know. aint no friend.
4. i like to keep the good stuffs to myself.


i m thankful really.

ok. i do have trouble. trouble conifining the huge and short temper of mine in the tiny little box inside me.

i was blinded by my own desires. maybe sexual. maybe just some childish fantasies. blinded so much that stupid plans came up to support the happenings of my fantasies.
and when all that i planned failed in the worst way, i blew.

perhaps i m hurt upset. angry. or watever feeling there is. but i m curious, curious y i put aside all these feelings to care for his feelings first. i chose to keep my mouth shut for the longest time i can managed to.

its that we are both different kind of species... it seems. i dunno. its not as if i m thinking this way, i have always thought that we were both kinda.... united.. if u know wat i mean..


but. BUT. .. i guess the lack of understanding makes things tougher.


eventhough wat is said may not be lies.. but i know that deep down inside.. i m the one who doesn't deserve him. not the other way round. n i m the one not good enough for him.

i m not jumping to conclusions .. i have been thinking like this for the past few months already.

i don't know. perhaps no matter how i try i m never going to be good enough.


- if we are willing to hold on and never give up on each other, a miracle will truly happen. -