haze

if taking care of my sis meant making all of them hate me n find faults in in i rather not give a damn bout her.

i m so sick of every damn fault they find in me.

now there she goes again. just few secs ago.. i carried my bro cuz he was crying... n when he was in my arms.. he stopped. n she told me not to carried him cuz he might puke out milk.

i put him down n he cried again.


wat the fuck!


if i dun give a damn, they will say this too. if i do give a damn, they find faults in every damn i give in this family. from the fish to the dish n from the sis to her sick.



i brought my sis out for swimming.. wat did i get? .. an accusation that i caused her flu n cough which came 3 days after the swim. how is that fucking related?

everytime i bring my sis up to bed. everything i did or din do become an issue.. if i wipe her body, she will say that she bathe liao.. there'll be no need.

only after i bring her up to the room,she started listing all sort of things i forgotten to do. the jacket. the socks. her urine.

.. yea. n they say i dun give a damn in the family. how could i give a damn when everything i do is wrong.



like last time.. tried to offer to cook but got shooed away from the kitchen.

they dun trust me with everything i do. everything i do, they will recheck. what the fuck. like when i lost my IC, i went to the police station n i got told that i dun have to make a report.

i told this to my parents... they dun fucking believe. wat they do? they make numerous phone calls hoping to prove me wrong.



everytime she got sick... i get blamed for it. for feeding her chocolates../ ice cream... hot stuffs...


yea.. she will get cough easily. canno eat cold stuffs... she give then no problem. if i give her eat, then all the blame comes to me.

yea.. she cannot shit come out, so cannot eat hot/fried stuffs... suddenly all the hot dogs n hams n frensh fries seemed like my fault liao.


hot cannot. cold cannot. fried cannot.. eat wat? eat shit.


my sis just now went up to my stepmom ..and said.." sis is sick"

wa. yesterday.. midnight also bring her daughter go out see doc. now i sick who the fuck cares?

n u know what she do when my sis tell her that? she give a "mm" n walk away.
my throat pain like hell..my body so hot n pain all over. who cares. who bring me see doctor.!!

my sis cannot shit. wat happened? buy enema for her. maid n me watch her shit in that stinky toilet room.

i cannot shit wat happened? i screamed in my own toilet room. who come n ask wat happen? no one.

then in the morning..tell my dad bout it. get wat? get scolding.

everytime eat sushi must come back and say eat macdonald or chicken rice. eat western food must say eat mamak.
buy things for me must say i pay half.. he pay half.
buy this fucking laptop say my godfather sponsor all. but actually he pay half. godfather pay half.

wat i dun fucking understand is the things he bought for me. though i lost them i still go to all ends to get it back for myself. today i bought back the sunglasses he bought for me but i lost.

wat for??? i also dun understand.


if he can't love me infront of everybody why bother to love me at all!!!!??
if she can't accept me in front of the public why can't she just be stratightforward bout it.. instead of saying bad things bout me to my sis.!!