haze

.. guess its just me n u diary from now on.

i'll try to be happy but these tears won't stop falling.. i wished i knew wat really happened cuz things happened rreally fast for me to make sense of them.

i think tomoro, i'll keep myself busy.. by returning all the things i borrowed from my freinds.. the pepper spray n the piano books..

my heart's really pain now. nothing could be more painful. maybe i'll end my life. cuz i know now if i do,no one will cry for me. not my dad, not my cousins.

my friends are all gone into their own future..

i m all alone.. all alone.. i feel really cold.. i have a towel over my legs to keep me warm.


maybe i'll confide to my father bout everything n he'll make it ok for me with a hug n a kiss. maybe he'll understand n let me stay in malaysia next week.




i finally know what the dreams meant. the insecurity of me being alone. the thing that was chasing me is the break up. it occured twice to me in my sleep cuz it hurt twice as bad. being warned didn't help. i kept running away from the breakup, thinking that he'll still love me back one day. but now i had to face it.

in my dreams, it occured twice with the 2nd time for me to make ammendments.. cuz i wasn't willing to give in.
right now, i have no 2nd chance... n though i didn't wanna give in... i m forced to move on.


it hurts real bad diary, n i want a shoulder to cry on, but i guess i only have my bolster.



diary, i really love him. with all my heart n soul. but why do things turned out to be like this.. theres no one to help me. i have told many people i love him, but all the people... they r gone.


y diary.. y?
he is my first love. y do i have to screw up.

i wish he's mine again. my heart's so in pain.. i dun feel like living anymore. i dun feel like facing the world anymore. all the buildings.. n the wide blue sky.. all doesn't seem to matter anymore.

... he's gonna move on.. like how he did when he first be with me. i m going to be his past..his history..

y.. i tot his love for me is strong.. i tot he would believe me when i said i love him. but he don't anymore.. he don't.

.... pls. won't someone tell him that i love him. won't someone remind him of wat i did for him.


pls... won't someone. won't someone.. anyone.