haze

yet another argument. bout tim this time. guess its no use i explain to him or even here. i m too tired.

but i swear i wasn't being unfaithful.. i was just logging into my msn explorer..the messenger pops up.. tell me i was added by a few people.. i kept pressing enter n enter... n i guess that makes me add them too. i dun care.. then i was surfing.. someone msg me.. i ask who izzit. he ask me back the same thing.. his name sounds familiar. might have him in my icq contact list before..but it isn't there now.. i dun remember.. ask him his nick in icq.. he ask me mine.. n i remembered. then i told him i gtg... but i put myself invisible. the bad thing bout talking to people that u chose to ignore is that u dunno how to explain the duration of ignorance.

blabla.. then at night.. my internet explorer was failing me again. me n my bf were not on speaking terms that moment.. i opened my msn.. the messenger pops up again.. then i was like......looking at the names there.. found out my bf's wasn't there.. went to add him.. then remembered he dun like to use his hotmail account.. so i din bother to add him ..

i surf awhile..then wanna go offline.. close everything..saw the messenger.. felt like adding him n see wat happens...meaning did he still use msn messenger or anything.
i added him.. n it was successful..i felt a twinge of suspision of wat he is doing with the messenger when i m not using it all this while.. but i pushed the thought out of my mind.. i was too troubled by other things...and i off the thing immediately.. n shut down my pc.

went to sleep.. woke up.. afraid n sweating from that damn dream.. happily thinking bout my bf..then memories of last night sinked in n i was angry with him once more.. happens everytime we were upset with each other.
went down..maid told me there were 2 phone calls at 3 am.. i was shocked.. i expected him to call..but not that late. i tot he wanted to console me or something..n i go softhearted, wanted to go online asap to mend things up between me n him.. then i go online..found out that he called probably because he want some explanation bout the tim thing.



sigh.




so much for mending things up.

so here i m.. alone once more.. upset once more. desperate to get him back once more .. n failing once more.


GOD BLESS ME