haze

last night i had yet another dream. almost similiar.. still that scary.
i had so many dreams nowadays that i was too troubled by them to care bout anything else.

now that i remember... the previous dream bout the lion dance.. it occurs twice..the first time it caught me.. then i couldn't accept the fact that i got caught. u know..like when u get 60% for the exam which u tot was pretty easy n u r going to get like 100%? u get the feeling like.. how come like this!!??? then i got thrown back to the beginning of the dream... n i dreamt the whole thing again.. n it ended i never get caught the 2nd time.


last night.. maybe because of my argument with my bf.. he was in my dream.

i dreamt that i just came back from an outing with him.. n got into my house..after he went off. i was happily running up the stairs..it was nearing night then.. my dad shouted at me, "come to my room at 1 am!"

i was puzzled.. he seemed angry, in the mood of "i want something". i decided to ignore him.

when 1 am comes, he banged on my door and ask me to let him in. i said " NO!! i wanna call my bf now!"

he became more agitated n banged the door so hard. then the thought suddenly occur to me...he wanted to rape me.

then silence......... no banging. he is gone to get the key!!
i pushed the radio to my bed, rammed open the window steels.. n push the tiny key beside the window sill into the lock.. i pushed away the window and climbed out quickly.. i pulled the blanket n throw it out the window.. i climbed down quickly.. and run n run..
i caught a taxi halfway, n told the man to send me to my aunt's place... i had no money with me, i planned to pay when i m at my aunts using their money.

when i m at my aunts, i climbed up the stairs.. but there was no one in.. n i had no money. the taxi driver left me there anyway.. i knocked at the door again.. it opened.my dad was standing there!

i ran n ran.. until i reach a shopping complex... it was blue n grey.. with glass panes n walls.. he was there.. i jumped over the hedges at the top floor. i fell n fell til i hit something.. i got up.. n saw a glass towering above me.. with a door right in front of me. there was a lift inside the tower...my dad n my step mom came down n opened the door.

i was doomed. he pulled me into the tower.. it was made of glass, i repeat. n he raped me over n over again. he used me so many times i lost count, tears were running down my cheek, i know that jx wouldn't want me anymore.. i couldn't accept the fact! i couldn't!! and then, i was thrown back into the beggining of the dream again.


i ran away from home... taxi. to my aunts.. couldn't get her.. but this time the taxi driver was kind enough to send me to town, where my aunt usually is. i ran on the rainy streets when i got off ( i told the taxi driver wat happened back at my home, he believed me) i ignored the fish scales on the wet ground.. i ran n ran to my aunt.. n told her wat happened.. she believed me n took me back to her house where i was safe.

i woke up. feeling afraid.


y these 2 dreams?
same running away from a house to another house.. same thing. i get caught, i couldnt' accept n get thrown back to the beginning to change things.


wat m i afraid of? y m i running away?


.. sex? my results? the sg trip??

i dunno.