if taking care of my sis meant making all of them hate me n find faults in in i rather not give a damn bout her.

i m so sick of every damn fault they find in me.

now there she goes again. just few secs ago.. i carried my bro cuz he was crying... n when he was in my arms.. he stopped. n she told me not to carried him cuz he might puke out milk.

i put him down n he cried again.


wat the fuck!


if i dun give a damn, they will say this too. if i do give a damn, they find faults in every damn i give in this family. from the fish to the dish n from the sis to her sick.



i brought my sis out for swimming.. wat did i get? .. an accusation that i caused her flu n cough which came 3 days after the swim. how is that fucking related?

everytime i bring my sis up to bed. everything i did or din do become an issue.. if i wipe her body, she will say that she bathe liao.. there'll be no need.

only after i bring her up to the room,she started listing all sort of things i forgotten to do. the jacket. the socks. her urine.

.. yea. n they say i dun give a damn in the family. how could i give a damn when everything i do is wrong.



like last time.. tried to offer to cook but got shooed away from the kitchen.

they dun trust me with everything i do. everything i do, they will recheck. what the fuck. like when i lost my IC, i went to the police station n i got told that i dun have to make a report.

i told this to my parents... they dun fucking believe. wat they do? they make numerous phone calls hoping to prove me wrong.



everytime she got sick... i get blamed for it. for feeding her chocolates../ ice cream... hot stuffs...


yea.. she will get cough easily. canno eat cold stuffs... she give then no problem. if i give her eat, then all the blame comes to me.

yea.. she cannot shit come out, so cannot eat hot/fried stuffs... suddenly all the hot dogs n hams n frensh fries seemed like my fault liao.


hot cannot. cold cannot. fried cannot.. eat wat? eat shit.


my sis just now went up to my stepmom ..and said.." sis is sick"

wa. yesterday.. midnight also bring her daughter go out see doc. now i sick who the fuck cares?

n u know what she do when my sis tell her that? she give a "mm" n walk away.
my throat pain like hell..my body so hot n pain all over. who cares. who bring me see doctor.!!

my sis cannot shit. wat happened? buy enema for her. maid n me watch her shit in that stinky toilet room.

i cannot shit wat happened? i screamed in my own toilet room. who come n ask wat happen? no one.

then in the morning..tell my dad bout it. get wat? get scolding.

everytime eat sushi must come back and say eat macdonald or chicken rice. eat western food must say eat mamak.
buy things for me must say i pay half.. he pay half.
buy this fucking laptop say my godfather sponsor all. but actually he pay half. godfather pay half.

wat i dun fucking understand is the things he bought for me. though i lost them i still go to all ends to get it back for myself. today i bought back the sunglasses he bought for me but i lost.

wat for??? i also dun understand.


if he can't love me infront of everybody why bother to love me at all!!!!??
if she can't accept me in front of the public why can't she just be stratightforward bout it.. instead of saying bad things bout me to my sis.!!

felt as if i m the ugliest person in this world.

..i dunno y... everytime when i give too much, did too much. said too much...it all comes back to me being hurt.

.. y must all this happen only when i have started to give everything i have got in this relationship.

BAD AdMISSIONS

i m sure by now almost everyone out there have been to a certain hopeful dream college or university, impressed by the advertisements../ mouth-to-mouth says by others, n expecting some quality treatment by the hoard of cows that manage a certain institution.

n i m also very sure at least 3/5 of u guys n gals out there have been mistreated in one way or the other. which despite the fact that the hoard of stupid cows are desperate for business n money to put food on their own table, they can't help being rude or stop themselves from belittling us little folks out here.


what a hoard of commoners. n to hide the fact that if we did choose their pathetic institution, we would be paying their god damn salary n feeding their hoard of baby pigs n cows...why the hell must we put up with their mistreatment n still go to their institute?


CASE 1
as first timers to a university's Open Day. a certain couplet was eager n impressed by the show they were monkeying around with that they decided to get the application form. they got it n tried to left. but they were stopped rudely..n demanded that they pay a miserable 10 bucks whome they of cos were misunderstood they tried to get it for free. n to top things up, a certain malay lady who seemed to think that no one else except her, understand the language shbe was saying started cursing n talking bout god regarding the couplet.

n the couplet was still sweet n happy bout everything.

what pathetic cows of rudeness.


CASE 2
in a college which is famous for its popularity of chinese students... which implements the usage of mandarin college-wide, which includes both lecturers n students is really a disgrace to those who is english educated.
but of cos, other than the language it is quite famous for its courses which is the main ingredient of its otherwise failing recipe, a certain person went to the admissions during the Open Day as well.. requesting for counselling, which resulted in a mandarin-speaking-geek cum lecturer repeating... 'wo bu zhi dao' for the last 14 mins regarding any subject matter.

which isn't important enough, cuz that certain person went to the counter n got a application form.. when that person started to leave, she was suddenly requested to pay 10 bucks.
she happily filled in the application form, which she handed in to the counter again there after.

she was suddenly requested to pay another 15 bucks. dropping all courtesy n formal manners, she insisted on taking the app. form back home first.


y must everybody be sweet n nice to those who think that they are great n better off.

OHFUCK IT. IF THEY ARE SO GREAT, THEY WOULDN'T BE BURIED IN THE TOMB OF COLLEGE BEING A LOWLY COMMON TEACHER INSTEAD OF EARNING BETTER BUCKS IN OTHER FIELDS. N WE ARE PAYING THEIR ASS TO BE WASHED.


CASE 3
a certain admissions persona was retelling n retolding the faults of a certain customers over n over again .. over n over again..non stop. when all courtesy was dropped m the customer just tell him to shut up n tell him wat must he do.



ALL COMPLAINING N NO SOLUTIONS. WAT LOW CLASS COMMONERS. LOUSY SERVICE.

MY ANGEL

diary

sometimes when the love grows too much and too fast.. i tend to be afraid that i'll lose him. that he might not be talking to me the next day. that he might not be here anymore.

i m sure i will never be able to find someone else who will love me like he does. he is the only one that deserves all the love that i m willing to give. so when he said that he isn't worth it, i can't quite understand.


eventhough we r not close by now... i m not the least upset.. i do not know y...


he is the only one who is able to tolerate all the weird ways of mine n even made them into praises...

it seemed impossible, i talked to him almost every 10 hours once... n i still wanna talk to him n know him more... n of cos... we can talk of the same thing over n over again without getting bored.. :p.. he knows wat i mean.

i really can't live without him in my life...

i m beginning to love him more n more..yet i m afraid my future would not have him.. but right now... i'll do my best..

dear diary

there are times when i felt overwhelmed by my strong feelings for him. like right now, i felt that i can't quite contain the huge amount of love i felt for him in my body n soul. felt them pouring out.

wat m i talking bout.

so this is love.

.. i m so bored at home. can't do anything on my pc cuz of all those virus in it. tomoro i be sending the pc to my dad's office to fet it cleared.

oh yea. bout the bad incident. its time i post it here to warn the other girls.


its like this. that day it was 9 pm. me n cheng yee took the train back to her house. reached there bout 9.30
then i go opposite the road to catch the bus.

time passed.. 10 pm. no bus.... 10.30 ..still no bus.. i was getting restless. in fact all the people there are getting restless.

... the next bus came.. still not the one i m looking for. no choice i had to get a taxi.

the taxis.. have a deadly dangerous aura bout them that i dun dare to go into. i have my penknife with me.

i inevitably got into one of them. i had no choice. its a malay man with a turban. i was still holding my knife when i sat down.

as usual.. like all the other taxi drivers.. he talked bout the traffic.. i did not respond.

then he asked me where is the place i m going. i told him somewhere near ketumbar heights..

then he asked me.. do i have a bf.

i din know how to answer.. cuz that time, we broke up.. n all those happenings.. but i said i have a bf. its much safer this way.

n he kept quiet.


suddenly, when he came to the road up the hill to my house.. he said...(in malay) " miss, i like chinese girls. chinese girls very pretty."

i kept quiet.

he continued talking..."miss, do u know where to find chinese girls?"

.. i was silent for a while.. then i said " i dunno, on the street lor!"


then he continue " chinese girls very fair, very pretty"

i din say anything.

he continue " miss, u r very pretty"


ALARM BELLS RINGGGGGG!!! in my head liao.
i said "i m not pretty"


he continue "i wanna find you sometime."

i keep quiet for a long time.. i pulled out the knife from the penknife.

he laughed n said.. "so how?"


i said," GO STRAIGHT"

because we were going uphill.. n still no turning. i changed the subject n told him to go straight.

fuck! i was damn scared. n i was wearing a L size t shirt with pants only. dunno wat he sees in me also.


suddenly he said." miss, u r very fair"

i was really shocked n i snapped back at him rudely " i m dark. not fair"
i was thinking.. u dun have to go this far to get a piece of cunt. just fucking go to chow kit n get some whores to stuff ur mouth wtih their cunts.


and do u know wat the mother fucker did? he turned around n tried to touch my leg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


my knife was there. i hold it n tell him to back off.


thank god. thank god he backed off.


n its not me thats thanking god. its him. cuz he will be stabbed by my knife if he continue to advance.



and he still have guts to said that HIS WIFE WOULD BE MAD IF SHE FOUND OUT BOUT THIS!!

wat the fuck!!!.

i got out of the taxi. after i paid him, i practically snatched the change back without touching his hand.. oh its so disgusting!!!!!!

i ran all the way back home. my dad was furious to see the knife in my hand. he scolded me non stop.


so to all the girls out there. get a penknife or a pepper spray!!!

GIRL POWER!