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another evolution of my sleep cycle has begun. last time when i was a lil kid it was alright sleep at any time can wake up at anytime. then it was sleep late wake up late. then it was sleep late wake up early. then now, its sleep at anytime wake up 5 am.then after that stone until 1 pm sleep til 5 pm.

ang paos slow this year..

another thing i dread.. is being away from the computer for so long. 5 days damn.
no internet. no books. no shopping. no ah b. no tv. wtf m i to do?? sit n meditate??

n one more thing. i fucking hate it when people disrespect me. whether its friends, parents, bf, old people, aunts or relatives, even strangers. condemn me once n u r dead.
losing temper has its advantages, it gives u control of the situation. people finally respond the way u wanted them to in fear.u can push them around watever, people wont mind. besides its not my first choice to come here in the first place.

as expected i m in a bad mood. n i reacted the way i expected myself to. i hate the way these people make me feel, cruel rude lil black sheep.

cant wait to come back.

to top it all up my hp is still.. wet. i'll be getting a nu one when i visit my aunt.. probably a 2nd hand.. preferably sony walkman hp. 1k i think .. too expensive.. i'll probably limit my budget to 700+-..i'll be smart this time n get a nokia...cuz when its old i can still sell it for some cash.

anyways... this coming sunday..12 february... i'll be drawing portraits again.. black n white 15 bucks each. for the cny extravaganza. i have plans to come around the 10% of the profits that i have to give away to the cls committee. its legal n logical??? so ya know.

well this post is pretty much centred around me. its not like i do not think of other people's feelings i do, thats y i m so misuhrabul.

dad tries too hard, mom gives cold shoulder being herself, he'll probably laugh it off in front of everyone... n go out with his mistress once this cny is over in his depressed state. while mom wont say nothing cuz she once said ' u will not listen.. so i rather not say anything.' n cant she understand that all the temper my father has n all his flings is to make her LOSE HER temper n show that for once n for all she actually give a damn about him. he's lack of attention cant she see. well n he is so blind to her needs. putting money in her pockets?? crumpled money?? n he scolds her for that. just buy her a wallet for christ sake??instead of scolding her. buy her a bag. clothes. n u should also buy him clothes. he havent bought any cny clothes for 3 years. doesnt middle age people know how to love???????even idiots like me can see thru all that.

i m lucky my bf isnt like that. at least he's an idiot like me who know how to get me something when something is spoilt.. instead of scolding me.. i mean.. AFTER scolding me.

well..its 1 pm. i m going to sleep yo.

okok. pics

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uncle n dad...

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flowers taken at this 2 mil bungalow of my aunt that we went... reasonable isnt it? 2 mil for a house. 5 bucks for angpao

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sister playing sand at golfcourse

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i really really really like this picture

u know.. this really reminds me of..nvm

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click for larger version. i m a different breed ... obvious isnt it. ahem... it really really reminds me of...

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okok i'll stop being so emo. i cant help it u know??

my dream came true!!!!!!!! like angel playing piano ha. lmao

all the other photos taken

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do u know that his first words ever is miao miao fat?

my sister take wan. at the golf course before we got chased off. dun ask me why i wear slippers... oh anyway this shirt ah b buy for me wan.. hehe


chinese new year

going back to ipoh... 4 am later..
coming back probably sunday or monday.
gonna take lots n lots of photos.

gong xi fa cai.
hope everyone get lots of money in their ang paos.
of cos if i get alot, i'll get a new hp.


light shines down on me**

do u know why i feel lucky?
do u know why i feel happy?
do u know?

paces around back n forth**

stops suddenly, looks directly in ur eye**

cuz i have the most wonderful -est bf in the world.
he's hot.
he's loving.
he's funny.
he's bold.
he's smart. sometimes.
he's willing to give up anything. for me of course.

i think i'll stop here cuz he will kembang if i praise him anymore.


...mild. update

yesterday, i was so angry at someone i sped back home n i banged my car. hard. at 120kmh too.
but theres no dents. or scratches. i do not understand why.
n for the first time. ah b was quiet.


shes always on my mind from the time i wake up til i close my eyes
shes everywhere i go.. shes all i know
though she's so far away..
it just keeps getting stronger everyday
and even now she's gone.. i m still holding on..

so tell me where do i start... cuz its breaking my heart..
dun wanna let her go..

maybe my love will come back someday..
only heaven knows..
maybe our hearts will find the way
but only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
cuz heaven knows...

my friends keep telling that if you really love her you gotta set her free
n if she returns in kind i'll know shes mine

so tell me where do i start... cuz its breaking my heart..
dun wanna let her go..

maybe my love will come back someday..
only heaven knows..
maybe our hearts will find the way
but only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
cuz heaven knows...

who says i cannot do photo-retouching?


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original pic

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face before..

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sorry... i thought all these while u were there for other reasons.
now that you have gone.. pursuing your dreams.
its a lil too late for me to make it up to u.
good luck in everything!!


devil's advocate is a demented showcase of devil meets god thru free will.

so what did u choose..

power gel=a drink to boost ur energy
power bar= a malt bar to boost ur energy.
....frequently drank by marathon-ers to keep them going...

dad- and i was.. yadda yadda yadda n the powere bar was so awful to eat..

me - why izzit awful??

dad - its full of malt n sugar n sticky .. but it gives the boost in like 13 minutes


dad- if you wanna know u can eat it or drink the power gel. you know at night when u wanna keep awake, you can drink it. can boost ur enery level.

me- oh. like VIAGRA????

dad n mom ........................... dot dot dot

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second hand. 80k $
here i come

my dream car. wait for me my darling.
i'll carress u n shower u with love while we race to the horizon each day.
ur mine. i know it.
its ok.. i'll get u away from the shop asap.
muah muah. wait for me my darling... together we'll kiss ass n kick booty.

------reedited--- sorry bout broken link. it looks fine in my blog draft ya know... so.


personally i m disgusted at my sudden urge to work at such things.
on second thoughts.. its just money anyway.

no one needs to know.... no one needs to know..

**web designing never been more fun**

i cannot believe it i cannot believe it

even malaysia???
zouk/?? hello???
thai club???
cherry blossom???

dot dot dot.

especially in penang too. maybe theres some in mmu ???

forget it. i m off the idea.

once again.. haze's sudden rush of enlightenment is shortened after reality bobs down on her so heavily............

wild night

while my ah b partied out with his group of friends at some high class club.. i was left in cheras' chinse restaurant with a group of uncles thats either wanna savour me or make me their son's wife.

the night couldnt be good when i went in n already i saw 11 bottles of wine, champagne, martells, XOs, n dr andrew on the table. in15 minutes time i have 2 glasses of booze in front of me.

in 20 minutes time everybody sang happy birthday for no reason. for about 20 times. omg.

n suddenly everyone became matchmakers whenever they see me. u see. the youngest one there had a break up. wat a great timing.
suddenly i m forced to drink with every uncle there.

when the yee sang came.. the poor waitress kena bully.
the fish got disinfection anot?
got sterilized onot?
why put so much oil. put less. less.

n suddenly everyone discuss with my dad bout their son's marriages to me.
oh my god la.

n then the fried rice had to come in a wooden tub.
which became a gong.
a fucking instrument.
a drum in like 20 minutes after the rice ran out.

the poor waitress dunno wat to do with us.. the old lady chased my father round the room trying to get the tub n the cockscrew. wat cockscrew?? read on n u'll see.

n my dad. who asked me to come along in the beginning cuz he planned to get drunk n let me drive him home... didnt get drunk because i drank everything n i did not get drunk.

n suddenly people asked me.. why i cannot get drunk. i can drink so well.
n more funny. where u usually drink?

i was like..... i wanna go home............................

n then the karaoke.
that was bad. people were smoking. n i was dragged to the .. um. floor. n more matchmakers.
but theres matchmakers n also saviours
a few stopped attempts of others to drink with me.
n one even scolded the uncle next to me.. cuz u know wat. he open his arms for a hug. i was next to him. some dude ran over n hug him. n since his arms were behind me. i was like in the hug.

i was like. wtf.

the next time it happened. i ran. to one of the woman's side.

oh my god la.

n they sing jiwang jiwang songs... n pretend to wipe each other's face.
then tong hua... omg they spoiled the song

n someone started making jokes bout buying lottery numbers. mai ji.
n it turned into chao chee bye.

oh no la.

n that woman suddenly kissed another girl. n another girl. n me! n then suddenly big ugly men ran to kiss me.

but of cos didnt happen. AS IF I WOULD LET IT HAPPEN.

n my father fucked the wooden tub. ya thats him.
n he used a cockscrew to sodomise a guy from behind thru his pants. ya thats him.
n then he tied a beer to a man's backside n then dance provocatively behind him.
n then he placed a cake flat on a man's face. in return he also kena.
in the end he put a filled ang pao on the ceiling between the light n the ceiling.

-_-!... i feel so mature... beside these kids..

oh my god la.

quote from one of the uncle to my dad 'arent u afraid next time ur daughter grow up to be worse than u'

n he din protect me also. knn ccb next time wont go out with them. gila siao wei.
n i will only get drunk when ah b is around. if not i won't.. dangerous. all bout the mind.

wonder what's happening in ah b's side of the party.


i made a doll.. that looks exactly like me.
not the prettiest doll i can make.. but i slave thru thousands of faces n hairs to get the same one as mine.
n i even got mao maos!!!! OMG IT IS SO CUTE U HAVE TO TRY IT. ALL THE MAO MAO SO CUTE>
even got penguin!!!!!!!

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make ma.

so cute. ee. mao mao

click here for mao maos


official end of sem2 beta

yesterday was the last day of sem2 beta for me. i woke up feeling hot. then cold. then hot. then cold. n then i got sick.

n someone.. was telling me.. dun pretend to be sick!...
n few hours later. ended up feeding me porridge n tablets.

thank u to the guys for the book.. its really wonderful.. though on my bday u gave me a book bout death.. but i really love it. best book i have ever read. i cried buckets.

thank u to the girls for the necklace.. i wanted to get one like that for a long time since i lost mine 2 years ago...

n thank u. for everything. everything. for being patient with me. forgiving n loving.

n happy 7 month anniversary.

nice semester. bad start for this year. meaning it'll get better each day.
underestimated design process...thinking that i do not have to work since i m so good already.. forgotten that good can always be better.. better can always be better. n better. got rejected damn bad on my first attempt. whoever will paint tiger zebra racoon giraffe elephant in all PURPLE?????
hello???wat happened to me?

malaysian studies sucks. sucks. sucks.

multimedia authoring would have been fun if i have gone to all the classes. grateful to dr hew for giving so many chances. n stressed cuz he placed too high a hope on us.

proud of ah b. scripting so geng. but of cos..without me.. he where will be geng.

chinese new year coming. sighz. need to get a new hp. there goes the money.



1. earn alot like 200 bucks this week.. oh. :D i lost 150 . dropped them? stolen? watever

2. lost my atm card

3. dropped my handphone into the toilet bowl.

4. serious Pre n post menstrual syndrome

5. no money yet didnt know bout it.

6. dad got car accident.. yet i din go back.

7. hurt someone real bad. yet i din apologize.

8. not enough clothes. all worn.

9. one more assignment to go.

10. stumbled upon blogs that gave me shivers, answers, fears, and pain.

... i m sorry i din mean to be clumsy all the time.. din mean to lose things or drop things all the time.. especially gifts. i spoilt n lost mp3 players.. sunglasses worth 500 .. clothes worth 50 .. accesories.. necklaces.. rings.. earrings.. everything.. IC.. passport. gold pendants...cash. watever.
thing is. i dun feel a thing when i lose them. i do not panicked. i guess i m just numb.
i do not even attempt to search everywhere for them..

watever i touch. i spoil. or lose it.

sounds familiar. works with living things too.



after the portraits episode.. i have alot of mixed comments. for most, most that gave me good big clear photos are satisfied and those that gave me hand photos, small ones, complained.

but most came back n wanted more.

to be honest i do not want more. one very obvious reason i cannot write here.. i slaved myself horribly.. not enough sleep. no time to do assignments..n one big reason is no time for my bf n myself.

and i m doing black n whites for the cny extravaganza.. on the feb 12.. after that i will not be doing portraits anymore..
but those who really want it badly can send me their pics... n when i m free i'll do it.. at my own pace.. when i feel like it.. dun rush me. no deadlines. pls dun bug me to faster finish them. for close friends .. it'll be free of charge but dun rush me either.

thats all..


n for those who havent collected.. wait til after hols.. my hp konked out adi. need to get new one.. sigh. there goes my cny money.

i finally understood it all

i finally see thru ur eyes
i know now wats going on in ur place
n how hard it is to trust women.

n i finally realized that wat went on last time were all tests.
even the hotel.
was a test.
n i failed.

but i m gonna say it loud n clear. i failed not because i m one of them women.
i failed because its for you. n cuz i felt something in my heart.
u tested me. now i know why.

maybe things would have been better if it happened now. if i realized wats going on. if i have been more matured. more experienced. maybe it would have been wonderful.

but u shouldnt have tested me. i was innocent. i was pure. i was new. u spoilt it all.
n made me one of them by testing me.

now i understood.
n i wanna thank u. for not taking what i offered.
but paris though seemed ..... logical now. i still wont go. or austrailia.

i knew now u had loved me.

i wished u will explain everything to me. in truth.
i know now u lost faith. so did i..

if u asked me now.. wife or mistress.i'll choose mistress.. its teh wiser choice.. wife.. u clean the house. babies.same bed. nag.. pay for the bills.. mistress..no need to clean house.. no need pay bills.. get pampered all the time n no need to face in laws.

i no longer believe

i m no longer innocent.
but i was. u did not believe.when i believed in u.
i m disappointed.. really.

but at least.. now i m happier.. in a way..
with someone else.. in a way.. used to have 4 blogs just for u.. cuz u would not listen.. now i only have 1.. cuz he listens.. n he trusts in me..
i know we'll all think we r in love.. go out do some silly things.. grow up part then cry.
wats the point.

y start something when its gonna break n tarnish anyway. why love when someone bound to make mistake n cheat. when theres lies n deception. expectations n disappointment. control n lack of control.

u see. thats how YOU think. n cuz of that, u tested me n distrust me.. n in return u MAKE SURE that that theory is true.. n u ethced that theory in my head as well. u made me bitter like how u r.
sorry. i wont do the same to him.


birthday girl
pornstars alert**
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i m so touched... by the lengths men will go for me..haha.. thank you all of you.. muax muax
happiest bday ever. *sniff sniff*


happy new year.

will post all of the photos when i m feeling better.. n a full account of what happened.
it was dinner n a show really..
wanted to go carmens but was too boozed up to walk.. sorry. u guys were just a street away.

was damn wasted. wasted wasted.

went home n puked.. while my dad lay drunken on the sofa.
in the morning..

me : so did u get drunk?
dad: yea... did you?
me: yeh.... i vomited in the toilet.
*dad gives funny face*
me: omg. i bet you thought that YOU vomited.
dad: yea. i thought I vomited. so its you. not me. haha
me: so you were more drunk than me i supposed.
dad: i din vomit. you did
me: how do u know for sure... hah!

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>top : david, teck aun, marcus, teck aun's sis ( sorry i din get your name...:( )
bottom: me, chuen's friend( hey, actually they din tell me all the girls' name), chuen

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on the way to booze land

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oh we are in booze land alright..

more photos coming up.. prolly tomoro.. when i got time to photoshop..