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portraits for ah b's illustration board

progress with meeqa

day 1
meeqa arrived home.. after i set up everything.. the whole house get to hear... the awful noise of crabbing when we open the zip.
hear it http://www.sugarglider.net/images/loudcrab.wav

it was awful. scary. fucked up. dude
put him in the cage.
he did not come out to eat. to play. no nada.

late at night i got worried n i went to feed him some strawberry jam.. which he loves he came out to eat.. i have to use my armpit hair tweezer to feed... T_T

day 2
i bought some grapes n started feeding her. she still crabs everytime when my hand tower over her.. my hand go near her..
have to use tweezer..

when he eat. damn cute!!! he will lick lick. his tongue damn long. then he will bite the grape off the tweezer to eat inside the coconut.

then i took the coconut home out n put on the table. she climbed out after a while n played... all of us dun dare to touch him incase he crab again.
he peed on the telephone
he shitted on the telephone. he went into his pouch

as ah b go sleep in the room
i sleep with the pouch on me in the living room
after a while... he climbed out of his pouch n on me..
i woke up. called out his name. he was scared out of his wits n ran to my toe ...
then he jumped to the sofa
he climbed wires
jump to ivans pc table. then i gave him the bag. he went back in

day 3
today.. ivan fed him grapes with his finger n he ate it!!!
i tried. yay!! can
he even liked the jam off my fingers.
he ate differently now... he uses his hands to grab the grape this time.

ah b made the mistake of holding the coconut shell n blowing onto meeqa
meeqa crabbed... i ran out n hold the shell while ah b go away
then suddenly meeqa climbed out of the shell n onto me!!!
for the first time!!
n the he peed onto my shoulder.. i was frustrated
he shitted on me
i changed t shirt
he peed again

then i research.. he was marking me. aih.
i went to the room
he jumped everywhere.

to ah b also jump. then he bite ah b!!!!ahahahahahaha
he bit his ear lobe.
n peed on him too haha
then we bring him to street mall while ah b n lesly print things
ah b blew onto him again. n meeqa crabbed again

day 4
ah b fed him.. n he jumped on ah b...
we repeated the routine... feed.. put him on the table to play..
then i bought watermelon for him.

he crabbed at me when i try to feed the watermelon to him with my hand...
aih. guess he taught that i smell diff or something
so i used tweezer
he dun like it much
just eat a lil

he glided today. from the sofa to ivans table. it was amazing. he jumped everywhere n anywhere
like crazy
n he will go onto me when i offer my hand . provided he is outside of his cage.
inside. he dun care bout me

day 5
dunno why. today back to zero.
i feed him he turn away.
i go near him he go away.
maybe everyone leave di he lonely.

at night he active that time.. i went out to play with him.. i put the jam all over my hand.. he lick n lick then he climbed onto me a lil. then back away.

later on.. i open the cage.. i offer my hand.. he nip a lil. then he jump onto me n then from me glided to dennis's canvas
which he slided down..

Aih. bodo

i rushed to shut the balcony door... but then i din close finish
he ran out!!!!!

OH NO!!!!
i screamed for ah b
ah b try to catch him.. when he did.. meeqa crabbed n crabbed n bit him 5 times... T_T
then i rush to get a pail .
still cannot catch
ah b clever take a cloth n catch him.. then he still bite. ah b put him in our room
we close door. close window
he ran everywhere
peed on me again
he climbed onto ah b.. ah b got scratches on his back cuz of that.
meeqa's nails damn blardy long.
he played inside for a long time then i bring him back out cuz room too hot di...

i fed him baby food.. banana cereal.. he misses it.. it was his original diet back at his old owners n lapped it up hungrily..
then he slept like a baby.. n i bring his coconut to my room ...


My new pet!!!!!
Meeqa (pronounced mi-ka is a sugar glider(flying squirrel??) VV CUTE YA


portraits for mdp illustration board
my maid is the photographer.. after like 10 shots.. she suddenly became professional n started ordering me around. kamu punya eye look up sikit!! smile sikit! macam gik sum ar!


thank u

pillar of strength
someone with the right mind


handwriting analysis
try it out here

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Haze has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Haze fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Haze has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Haze seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Haze seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.

Haze is very self-sufficient. She is trying not to need anyone. She is capable of making it on her own. She probably wants and enjoys people, but she doesn't "need" them. She can be a loner.

Haze is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Haze's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Haze that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Haze also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Haze is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Haze's self-concept is artificially low. Haze will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Haze to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Haze is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Because Haze has zigzag'ed shaped 'm' and 'n' hump, Haze is an analytical thinker. Her mind sifts and examines facts. She interprets all facts by separating them, breaking them down, and organizing them from a critical point of view. This pattern of clarifying facts contributes to her strong reasoning ability. Haze's mind is constantly analyzing all situations that she encounters.

Haze will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

Haze uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when Haze does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise. Haze will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally. Haze is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Haze doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.


oh well. another wasted effort

outburst cannot tahan

.. i know i betrayed u. made u sad.
n i m ignoring u now.
i just want u to know how it feels like when u have nothing.
i just want u to stay.

emo emo emo emo.

all u see is flaws in me even after so long. after everything is over. now u know why i couldnt go on.

if i m ur gf or bf. n u love me so much u spend everyday n all ur hours n minutes with me.. i gave u friends. gifts. a good education. but still. u did not spend time with them u just spend time with me. or doing things for me. do u think i still want to give u friends. and all the things i m giving u now. there are things i want u to enjoy too. or else why i give u all those. don't abandon ur friends and ur assignments because of me. i cannot give u an A.. nor can i bring ur friends back.. when it is U who abandon them now.


thank u ah b for being understanding. especially when i always comment negatively bout men in general. i really dunno what would i do without u.
i m sorry that day i irritate u until u ..; * mimicks pulling hair out ** hahahaahahahahahaha
damn funny
sorry u din manage to play futsal...n i did not go pray to my ancestors n my mom with my family..but everybody gotta make sacrifices.
like in the writer's journey, a hero is only a hero when he makes sacrifices. audience does not like heroes who do not sacrifice anything important.

i suppose the hint is enough.


weekend of hell

it was perfect really. the timing. why did i bother to make it back to go to the party on friday night. n find out bout it all. that i m not worth staying for. the whole family's not worth staying for. that u r leaving us.
n this is the first time u cried. the first time i see how weak and i m disgusted by u. the first time i feel that i m smarter and more intelligent than everybody else including u. who is older than me by 40 years. n i m actually give YOU love advice.
telling u not to give a fuck bout this GIRL who is older than me by 3 years ONLY. she will grow up though u took her virginity away. wtf man wtf.
be a man.

i couldnt take it n i told her everything. after so long. so blardy long. n then both of us could not sleep the whole night.
the next day i went shooting.

blur, battered, cheated and cold.

n she went to her daughter's sports day.
blur, battered, cheated n cold.

n he went to his parents and his old wife.
unhappy, old, pathetic and in tears.

why did i tell her. cuz if i don't he will never stop.
cuz if i try to stop him myself. he would have lied to me.

n i realize that every man cheats. n men will group together to butcher a wife verbally with lies.
everyone she ask, theres a diff story.

shooting was actually busy enough to keep me off these things..
rain where there wasnt supposed to be any.
happy accident. haha

miscommunication.... back stabbing. arguments.
plus my family stuffs.

somehow din feel anything at all. not the least troubled.
gotten used to chaos since i was little.


wat to expect
frame 197.

what if i want to go my own path instead of yours
sure a young woman. business. money.
attractive deal. no worries.

but what bout wat i want.

i'll be far far away.
when i finally see what i should deserve.

but just maybe now is my happiest moment of my life. if i choose that road.

east n west.

mandarin. fuck.

i'll do well in what i wanna do. maybe slowly. but at least its my life.

n do u think that she will let u give everything to me.
u giving this. traps me in this family. making me stay.

to ensure i'll take care of your sex's products.

i m not young anymore. i can see thru all your decisions.

when will i be free from you. from all of you.
for the meantime i'll just pretend to be dumb n play along. i can always choose to play the villian in the end.
n i can always find excuses why i should be the villian.

rendering maya....600 frames.
1 frame render 5 minutes.
1 hour render 12 frames
50 hours to render 600 frames.
someone save me.

i can now draw portraits without references!!!
out of my head!
i m godlike!


2 l8
u r juz b9