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The Last Post

Take my hand.. lead me through the fire.

You will be my long awaited answer to a long and painful fight.

Truth be told I tried my best, but somewhere along the way I got caught up in all there was to offer and the cost was so much more than I could bear.

We all begin with good intent when love was raw and young.
We believe that we can change ourselves, the past can be undone but we carry on our back our burden.
A burden time always reveals.

In the lonely and quiet night and the wound that will never heal
Its the bitter taste of losing everything. everyone.
that i've held so dear.

I have nowhere left to turn but you.
I'm lost to those I thought were friends to everyone I knew.
They turn their heads away, pretend they don't see me.
It's one missed step one slip before I know it and there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed.

Though I tried to be strong I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Tried to handle this the best I could to deter it from traumatizing me.
It's all I could do to not drown in their passing shadows.

and when I found myself and you in some far off place.
It causes me to rethink some things, I start to sense that I have became someone else.

Things that have been lost on me are now clear as a bell.
When I go thru life so sure of where I am heading and I wind up lost and its the worse thing that could have happened.

The dreams I built for myself are not dreams I could achieve, I lost my way and I find myself weak and incapable of becoming perfect dreams.
The chilling night freeze my beating heart, enveloping it in despair and loneliness.

I breathe in the beautiful world out my window.
When I reached happiness, a silent part inside me wants to burn the earth up in flames.
Its a bitter confidence of knowing a burn is not as painful as what you have caused me.

Living is so hard to do when all I know is trapped inside your eyes but this aching heart ain't broken yet.
Maybe it's time for miracles.



i hate this part right here. the only thing that comforts me is assurance.

the only thing chasing me away is uncertainties.
uncertainties makes me feel unsure, unwanted, and like i m being played a fool.
who am i.



new life

its been a long journey since i started blushberry.

i found friends. lost friends. got hurt. hurt others.
i learnt the hard way.. things I couldnt handle.. people i tried to handle.
i have grown.
after one full circle, i met new friends again... broke up. reconcile with old friends. n recovered.

(ok. in about 1 week's time. this blog is gonna be private as i will be putting up my version 2 .. n my personal blog will be there. this blog is a tad too personal to be public.)

so either you get to read this or you don't.

i m happy now. i have been compensating for another person's humor, life, happiness and temper.. if i slack for 2 out of 10 times.. i get berated by everyone around me, my family, friends his friends, him and myself as well.
"what about me. how come its always him that is being protected."

i was a coward, not daring to move or leave the comfort zone. i left. m fucking scared but I am moving on.

i am single but not looking.
the reason why I am not looking is just simple : i know exactly who i want.

n the time and tide is not right. until it is... i'll be single.

"thanks.. patience is virtue"

yes i lost my mac book pro. my friends. my relationship. my life basically. but i have gained something invaluable in return..
fml i misspelled something as someone fml. -_-

and i stopped smoking for 1 day already. clean. its amazing how much my skin cleared up.

back to topic.. i have gained a full understanding of my potential and the realization of the life I want.
i want a room full of apple products. imac. mbp. iphone.
i want a car.
after that i wanna travel.
then i want a house.

i realized my perk of getting up and driving late at night is not so weird...n the fact that i can just be silenced by the vastness of the sky and the beauty of the night is not that difficult to project to other people. just depending on who. maybe.

if you see this. thanks for reading so far. its been 6 years since this blog has started. its time to move on. the next time you are here.. u will be redirected to another website.