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they left for genting. n the last words i had for them was a sob n the bang of a door. *slumps* ( _ _ )

i drove 2 humps back to mmu hostel. *proud* (^ ^)

the 2 ah b's got wounds on their left knee. *pus* z(~_~)z

finally finally have my own watch. *happy* \(^o^)/

money are hard to come by. *sighs* (_ _)..ooOO

went out with ck to watch harry potter. drove to her house, to lm, to house again n back to mine. lasted from 6 til 3 am. pasar malam was wonderful. food & tea house was amazing n harry potter was nice. thank u!! *content* (' v ')

ah b din sleep yesterday night cuz i got gastric. he put tiger palm. no. balm tiger. tiger balm. anything la. on my tummy. n hold me til i sleep. i wanna have more gastric. *lovey dovey* %(% v %)%

alone in living room cuz everyone playing dota. lesly havent come back. dennis doing work. *cry* !(` o `)!


spend all ur time waiting for that second chance... for a break that would make it ok..

theres always one reason to feel not good enough..n its hard at the end of the day.

i need some distraction..beautiful release..

memory seeps from my veins.. let me be empty.. n weightless n maybe i'll find some peace tonight in the arms of an angel

fly away from here.. from this dark cold room and the endlessness that you fear.

you are pulled from the wreckage of ur silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel.. may you find some comfort there..

so tired of the straight line.. n everywhere you turn..

theres vultures n theives at your back and the storm keeps on twisting..

u keep on building the lie that you make up for all that you lack..

it makes no difference escaping one last time..

its easier to believe int his sweet madness

this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees


i want a car here. not allowed.

i thought i do not need a hp. was wrong.

wanna go back. no key.

just wanna find some warmth.


stomach pain
i have had enough of waiting.
all your so-called plannings... when... when .when will they work out.
and u. u wanted me to go your way all the time. planning slow...
i wanted to depend on u so much.. yet ur never here.
arent we supposed to be happy. instead all we have are emptiness...
always alone during my holidays.. no one to watch the sea with me..
i think... u understood wat i really wanted all along.. u just chose to pretend u did not understand..
you told me again n again u couldnt let go of all the sufferings i made u go thru.
i finally saw. finally understood that this love wont work.
too many obstacles.
but yet u cannot let go . did not let go. crying. begging me to stay.
finally saw. finally understood that this love wont work.
too many obstacles. u still wont let go off my hand.
u rather be a slump... trying to make me stay out of pity.
u wanted me to obey all ur wishes.. planning the future slowly..
but then again. wheres the fucking future?
remember how u plan our past.. all the trust u should have.. caused all the tears again n again.
my face were always pale when with u.. even now thinking of our past i still am pale..
ll the sweetness that were there werent really there.
but the feelings gone. all the expectations i have.. hopes of u changing. been broken again n again.
n u wanted me to piece them all again.. n stay n suffer with u..
finally understood loves not here anymore... n of cos.. u understood this fact too late..too late..
u pushed away my hand.. yet u cry n beg me to stay.
i knew that this love is gone. no more...
too many obstacles...
u cant let me go.. wanting me to sympathy all that u lacked..
sis is acting weird
knew that it wont work.. too late for u to be understanding now..
i finally blurted it out... n u beg...

broke my promise
din make it
feeling awful
pinku dechu why everyone likes pink


dedicated to u. everytime i think of u i seriously think i must be mental last time. mental

this gotta be in my blog

miao miao mermaid

sorry.. i really really have to put this.. innocents.. dont scroll down please


too many mistakes
too many times i've said its forever
ashamed, afraid i'm about to be wronged again
but i cannot help proclaiming positively
i cannot help feeling sure..

i learnt that life is sweet if u say it is.
n that life is bitter if u say it is.
learnt that u r good enough if u believe in urself.
and whether attention comes or not, u can still stand tall.

love can grow.. so can it be diminished
love can be faked, so can it become true
tears can be faked, words too..even intention.
what's real is the continuous presence of someone though u are alone.

beauty's what captivate others.
but heart is what keep them with u.
everything can be earned, n lost
everything can be broken, n burned

friends can be envious or jealous of each other
words can complicate even the simplest feeling
even we think n feel according to the words we have learnt.
the dictionary tells that crying is sad and smiling is happy.

strangers walked past each other in life many times
only chance and will keep people apart
too many hands that could be held
too many lonely hearts that could be healed n loved

choose someone. hold someone. love someone
wat bout others thats better, bigger, higher
hold on for a reason, for a feeling, for life
throw away for a reason, feeling or life.

beneath all these obstacles, ugliness, complications
despite the tedious, fake, painful cycle.
i've found someone true.
someone dear.

someone i can be honest and fake with, and still be able to understand whats real and whats not
someone i can trust and doubt, n still be sure i wont be alone
someone i can love and hate, n still end up in each others arms
someone i can teach and learn from, n still feel that i m lucky to have found someone so good
someone i can be serious or crappy with, n still feel happy every second

beautiful.... so beautiful...


practicing for tomoro

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i know.. i know..

*shields myself*


silent birth

for those oblivious to the entertainment industry.. tom cruise is now hooked up with katie holmes.


for those not so oblivious to the entertainment industry.. katie holmes is pregnant


.. n she's going to have wat they called a silent birth.
apparently tom cruise's religion of scientology is forcing her to compromise with the otherwise cruel birth later on.

define+silent birth+
.... silent birth is the delivery of a baby without aneathesiezer and without any sort of verbal panic by the mother. meaning she cannot scream at all and theres no pain killer and even teh hospital nurses n doctors must undergo this process silently too.
the practicioners of this process claimed that birth of a child is completely natural and painless..it will save both the baby and the mohter and be both relaxing and painless..the baby should be delivered in the atmostphere of a silent, quiet without any groans, screams of argument between nurses.

this does not mean that all the people involved in the procedure will be 'shhhh'-ing each other..everyone should just be calm.. and after the delivery. the baby will be wrapped tightly in a cloth n be left alone for 2 days.

silent birth my neck. sometimes i shit also scream like hell. u want her to give birth without cutting her hole bigger, n without giving her pain killers, and even do not allow her to scream??
this is torture. tom cruise i hate u

anyway... travolta and preston delivered the baby this way...........um.. until preston cannot tahan last minute and begged n begged to change hospital.

we shall see how katie does... shall we.


3d modelling

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*rub rub* genie genie grant me 3 wishes.
1.make me forget and forgive
2.give me a life that i love
3.set urself free

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dedicated to cherry... i m sorry.. i really am..
pls forgive me.. i love u n i always will..

yeh ruin it all fucker. go ahead.
i dun give a fuck anymore.

tears that dun mean nothing.
just wanna get out of here.

u wont stop til i m killed u sick fuck.
all that i did are meaningless.

n i'll stop being meaningless.

i swear to u god. i rather be in hell than to be here.
won't u make things better. wont u just make him see.

i hate it here . I HATE IT HERE.

can everyone stop trying to fucking control me n just let me be.
n i just want to stop crying n be stoned. cuz he wont cry for me. n he dun give a fuck.

i dun want to ever come back here. forget all thats here. n forget who i m.

a couple of random stuffs

i m tired of reading blogs that are not personal anymore because of xiaxue.
seems that every GIRL / woman/ laydee out there who blogs wants to blow in her style. rude, loud, egoistic, and opiniated.

where are your personalities???xiaxue is famous for hers.. so dun be a copycat.


don't their chin looks weird??


prince william. wassup with the fluffy congressman bald look???


victoria's secret latest fashion show.
yes.. that's gisele bundchen in the middle.


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ah b's new dog.... diamond.


wonders of photoshop.. more at glenn feron's portfolio
no need to put before n after i suppose


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i want a nose job


and that concludes today


in conjunction with my baby brother's birthday.. my blog is revamped .. !!

anyways... we just celebrated it among the family with a lil cake.

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and the birthday boy..
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things which annoy me lately (meaning i m begging u not to do it too)

generalised version
xxx - go where ar

me - out lor

xxx - how u go wor

me - drive lor

xxx - oh. got bang ar?

AAARRGH. i can drive OK?



woke up wash car go leisure mall buy present come back make up for sis go to her concert get drenched in the rain acme back go out have assam laksa now blogging.

the end

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sweet n innocent

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sampat and idiotic

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graduation day

ooh la la. sexy

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hip hop r n' b

and now


drums please

today's highlights..

presenting to u..

miao miao

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look at her shaking that ass..

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i wanna

i wanna

i wanna pinch her fat!!


haze is so hazed.

something wrong is with me i tell u

something very wrong

white n blue n yellow
i woke up decided for once i will brush my teeth in my room i went down n get my white n blue toothbrush which i left there cuz of the one week which i could not use my own toilet.

n i brushed my teeth..

my stepmom asked much much later... ur dad lost his toothbrush. its white n blue. have u seen it?

n hence started the debate bout it being MY toothbrush.
but its ok. really

it is. cuz no matter whose toothbrush it belongs to.. one thing for sure. i was sharing toothbrush with my dad for more than 2 weeks.

...n i wondered why my teeth were so yellow 3 days before..


ok. besides that i watched tv...

n wondered....today's the 9th.

why havent my period come... n instinctively i wanted to check right there n then.. but i resisted as my mom was there.

n suddenly a flow of pain surge thru my fallopios.. threatening to dispotent me of my fertility.

my period is here alright.


i decided to have a drive. and as i m really is a nutcase.

today i drove sullenly. i do not know why. but really i was like jay chou in initial d. my hand was on the window. n i m a noob.
n lagger.
n leaver.

first it was raining. n the road is packed with cars. n theres an grand lorry unfortunately belonging to an idiot.. who left the door open.

n bless the lord, when another idiot drives thru.. which is me. the greatest idiot on road.
i naturally will bang.

my mirror hit the door.
to my own surprise i did not react to it at all. i was cool.

cold. more like it.

n wats worse. i parked in front of an altar. with a tree next to it.

after dinner came the discussion of the coming one month absense of my maid.. when she leaves for surabaya. n... horrendically, i offered to babysit my baby bro n sis.

during my holidays.
everyfreaking hour n day.

wow. n i was kind enouhg to rush up my room n check the mmu calendar..

bye bye holidays. bye bye shopping. bye bye dates.

n even worse.

malacca blues
i came back. n noticed.. the email i receive this moring was from malacca... there i go. applied for a course in 2nd trimester.. without realizing its held in malacca campus.

n this morning i was happy. the kind of happiness u get after waiting for a reply for 1 week.. checking mailbox everyday. that kind. like a secret love letter that kinda wonderful liquidifying happiness..

went to ashes.

n wats worse i could not sleep.

i m hearing things.

knocks. knocks. wanted to rush back to pc n tell ah b. but he offline liao..

knocks knocks..


i opened the door.

no one there...

n i decided to be brave n investigate... it was near my window.. i reached for the curtains.. hoping its some fireworks.. but when i open them. the noises are gone.

i close back..

thud thud
thud thud thud..


i swear it is the thing from that altar next to the trees that coming to get me.
i swear.

fine fine.. i read my novel. distracting myself but suddenly theres a great overwhelming urge to eat toast bread.

its not the kind u ignore.. its worse than pregnancy whines. its the kinda urge u feel on a hot day n then u think of cold cold icy tongue-stiffing lemonade.

so i walked down the kitchen.. grab the loaf of bread. n rummaged in teh store room for the un-used toaster... n brought it up to my room n burn some bread. with peanut butter on the bed.

i feel nice n cosy....^-^

but i still couldnt sleep.. i came back to the pc.. n my friend was back on.

it was nothing other than stars n moons but we knew better..

n naturally. as i miss ah b.. i opened up ym.. n suddenly the box.. therockmmu is offline.

poke its face in the corner of my monitor.


n suddenly the speakers hummed the familiar frequencies u get when u are about to get a sms or phone call.

n my hp ranged with sms.

it was a looong sms. which i have to reply. but have no credit. n it do.
yes it do get on my nerves. pity.. yeh.. but it makes me realize.

we are all lonely.... arent we..

the more people pretend they aren't..the more they are holding on to something which is not tangible, cannot be seen or touched. like memories. fantasies. dreams. pain. love.

wishing strong couples beautiful days ahead..
wishing drifting-apart couples a reason for them to go stronger together
wishing temperamental couples a reason for them to laugh at their own anger..
wishing singles who are lonely tonight a fateful meeting tomoro...
wishing depressed-but-hiding-it-behind-lies singles to see that we are all like you.

everybody's thinking of somebody tonight..
so m i.. i miss ah b... its funny. cuz although theres the net, the msn, the ym the phone. the hp. the car. when i do really really miss him. like now. i like to keep it to myself n enjoy having lil crazy laughs thinking of the silly things he did.

now. i m going to toast more bread. n drink with some wine. listening to the ghost outside my window knocking.

at least i have company.



what women really want

one day.....king arture was ambushed!!


n imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom...

but since heroes dont die that easily.. arthur of cos was given a 2nd chance.

the monarch will grant him freedom as long as he could answer a vvvvvvvvvv difficult qeustion..

for the suspense.. of cos.. arthur is given a year to figure out the answer
n death is the penalty..naturally...

what do women really want?

thats teh question.

so the arthur who was young then..returned to his kingdom n began surveying everybody.
princesses. harlots.sluts.bitches. geniuses. court jesters. prostitutes.

n no one could give him the answer because if someone does, the story is meaningless.

oh anyway many people advised him to consult the old witch.. convinced that she knew the answer.
n she is famous for charging exorbitant prices for her services.

the last day of the year drew near. n arthur arrived at the witch'es doorstep.much to the liking of the audience.

the witch agreed to answer his question. on one condition.

she wish to marry Gawain, arthur's best night n best mate.

so arthur seemingly flabbergasted.

shes hunch back. hideous. with warts. smelling like sewage full of shitz!! n make obscene noises all the time!! burp!! fart!! belch!! snake for hair. stone for eye! 3 fingers each hand!!! railway track teeth!!!!
oops. sorry. got carried away...

and the usual womenly rejection began.. arthur couldnt bear to wreck poor gawain's life with the marriage..
gawain couldnt bear to see arthur dead at the end of the year.
and arthur, proclaimed the wedding cuz actually he valued his life more than his friend's happiness..

now...on the wedding day.. the witch answered arthur's question.

what a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life

well...as we all knew that arthur does not die at the end of the year.. that was supposed to be the truth..
n so it was!!

arthur got his freedom back


the end.

oh wait. actually got somore.

during the wedding .. gawain was gentle.. handsome. courteous. proper.. polite. everything a woman wants in a man.

wherelse.. the witch put forth her worst manners on display... n made everyone feel like its funeral.

and after that. gawain had to have sex with the horrifying witch.n reluctantly walked into the room.. expecting a horrific experience ahead of him..

but lo n behold!!!!!!!!!!!!

the most beautiful girl is waiting for him inside!!

gawain asked.. wat happened???

the beauty replied... oh. since u were so kind to me when i was a witch, i would henceforth be horrible n deformed half the time.. and the other half.. i would be my most beautiful self.
so. which do u want me to be during the day and which during the night???

showing off a gorgeous babe to ur friends?
night.. a living hell of a night mare??


bask in the misery and embarrassment in public
sleepless heavenly nights??

so wat will u choose leh




gawain replied.. its your wish. its up to u...

when the witch hear this. she announced... i would be beautiful all the time... because you respect me enough to let me be in charge of my life.

The moral is: If a woman doesn't get her own way, things get ugly.

actually..nowadays guys use that tactic as reverse psychology..knowing girls will react similiar to the witch's. or react in teh way they want her to.
but its true what women want.

ok. so..

the point of this storyis..

i want...


wat i actually want
1. ice skating rink
2. grand piano. white pls
3. sports car.
4. swimming pool
5. swimsuits
6. king size bed
7. doggy style
8. gang bang
9. cash. cash cash...

wat i realistically want
1. more brains
2. more beauty
3. more personality
4. more kindness in me
5. more love from others
6. more cash...


ee! miao miao

that day saw this soft toy at sunway pyramid .. so cute.. i had to model it out..

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no1 movie at the Sundance Film Festival

this movies rawks

its about this guy... who has short term memory loss..due to an injury he sustained while his wife was raped n killed by a man... n what he did was he write notes on the photos .. n notes on papers.. to remind himself what he has to do every single second.

his whole body is tattooed with reminders. reminders to do stuffs.. n cellotapes stuck on his body to remind himself to shave.. or bath. n reminders to find the killer n kill him.

wats so amazing is that the movie is in 2 parts.
black n white.. and the coloured.. the black n white goes chronologically.. from past to future.. wherelse the coloured goes from future to past.

n as both part plays... each part has its own climax... in the end.. the black n white part meets the coloured part.. bringing the present. n amazingly.. it has its own climax.

yes. it does means that the beginning of the movie is the ending of the story, but amazingly. that did not take the excitement away. n as the plot unfolds. more n more endings came in. until u realize, wat the director's msg actually is.

that was wat makes this movie so replayable. again n again. sometimes u watch it goes from past to future.. n then u need to go from future to back. again. n again. just to understand it. like him. going again n again from past to future cuz he had short term memory loss.

nope. its not a love story. neither izit an action movie. n u will not applaude it when it ends. cuz ur too stunned to do anything after such a performance.

its not predictable. n its a movie u cannot tear ur eyes away from it. cuz its damn damn damn hard to understand n piece together those lil pieces of memories.

this is the kind of movie that leaves u satisfied but unsatisfied. wanting to watch it again n again. n the kinda movie that u would still rather watch if u got stuck sitting front row in the theatre with no jacket n hps ringing all round u.

n i thought movies are shallow n pointless. boy. was i wrong.

i have never had a favourite or best movie. but i did tell lesly that i like deep stuffs.
memento is my fave n best movie now.

but i wont recommend this to unfocused/dumb/stupid/unintelligent people. u'll probably fall asleep.

must force ah b to watch with me again. if i ever reformat my pc..i'll tattoo on my breasts " download memento"

i wanna make movies like this. better movies compared to this.



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i m this bored.. so bored..

downloading movies that i have not watched n the book.. chronicles of narnia.



z chen concert in cathay's carpark..

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my leg hurts like nobody business cuz of that chair dropping on it..

listening to jay chou's new album..... aih.. so happy..
vv nice