ANGELS BROUGHT ME HERE
its been a long n winding journey but i m finally here tonight, picking up the pieces ....walking back into the light to the sunset of ur glory where my heart...n future lies..
theres nothing like that feeling when i look into your eyes.
my dreams came true when i found you, i found u..my miracle.
if u could see what i see, u r the answer to my prayers n if u can feel the tenderness i feel...u would know it would be clear that angels brought me here.
stanging here before u, feels like i have been born again..every breath is ur love..every heartbeat speaks ur name.
my dreams came trus right here in front of you..my miracle.
the angels brought me here to be with you, i'll be forever grateful..
ANGELS BROUGHT ME HERE
when pain comes, its only then you'll know that you are in love.
when love comes, its only then you'll know that you are going to be in pain.
i should be finishing my perspective.. oh god.. my feck up schedule is too tight.
check this out.
now.. perspective drawing..
11.45 am.. practice piano for choir
1.00 pm - 11 pm... go for choir practice
12 am.... perspective drawing
tomoro.. perspective drawings n CG sketchs.
tuesday.. DA assignment..practice for maths quiz.
wednesday... practice for maths quiz.
..n of cos.. by then.. there will be new assignments up.. wo!!..
now this is wat i call a hectic life.!! n i love it!!!
yesterday i did the naughtiest thing. of cos its not going to be here..
it causes me beauty sleep n late perspective drawings..
i feel like a dead fish. <(# o #).-=>
there is certain things to be taken care of. i dun care.
THE LONELINESS OF EARLY MORNING
woke up too early..thought i could practice thes piano for the choir..haven't even touch the piano when wai seng came in n tell me i can't if there's no permission.
so made my way back to my room.. doing my interior lines sketch now..listening to songs.. remembering.
i m trying my best to give as much as i gave previously.. yet somehow the past has shaped my present. afraid of hurting myself. again.. but i m trying.. no.. i mean i m doing it.
a day few days ago marks the beginning n the end. growing out of the old n adapting to the new. somehow things are different..
of cos they are..
**listening to jim brickman's MY VALENTINE. yea. same song i posted here often.. if there were no words.. .. etcetc.
well. i better get back to my work.
every single cloud brings back memories of rejection, memories of a living person.
when we brushed against other, the tinest shortest moment. i understood everything have changed.
when i turn who can put back everything in place just like in the past?
eventhough the relationship is so recent n new, but still it ended.
its over, whats there to change?
the world is still turning.. unaware.
seeing love and snow all around me...wats there to wish for?
i m not sad nor upset anymore. i just wish you happiness with all my sincerity when i understand u only live in my memory.
i don't hate you anymore.. i forgave your brutal reasons.
when i understand the art of not loving, memories seem to heal me instead.
i don't hate you anymore, i m just grateful i still can't forget you.. n the memories.. i have kept them.
when i saw in your eyes, i don't see any recognition at all.. i m again a stranger.
i do not want to tell everyone i m innocent.. sometimes the guilty have feelings too.
~ETUDE IN E MAJOR.
THE BEAUTY OF PURPLE LIGHTNING
in cyberjaya..where hills are little.. trees are little but beautifully foliaged against the gradients of the sky...moon n stars could be seen clearly.. especially when the night goes deeper n deeper, the clouds disappears...showing stars n the beautiful luminuous moon under its curtain..
n when it rains.. you can see the floor turns purple or blue... n if u r lucky..u can catch the lightning flash across the sky, with blue or purple neon around those crisp lines.. n then..after a while.. the growl of lightning come... deep n strong..it makes u tremble.
ok.. today's the most hectic n happening day..
hmm..lets do roman this time..ok?
i. classes at 11-1 pm.. english.. misunderstood..thought its til 12.. so i booked piano in the STAD from 12 -1 n 4- 6..
ii. after class at 1, went to STAD..only to find out its locked for LUNCH HOUR. ok . fine. so i have my lunch at MY cafe with darryl. no western food.. ish.. ish. ish.. have to do with fried rice.. crappisiikillish.. need to finish in 10 mins time cuz need to go for next lecture.. was late.. to my surprise.. audrey n fel is even later... few students were there..many of them r attending the ptptn loan briefing.even audrey n fel.. sob. left me out.. sob sob.. :(
iii. after the next class which was DA.. went back to piano at STAD.. realized darryl's book still in my bag.. argh.. but i stayed there played til i got fed up with myself... n the damn hard piano. ok. CLANINOVA or something. electric piano.
iv. left after a few lame attempts at playing the piano..went off.. wanna go playground.. so went up put things first..met fel on the way out...then realized i forgot my hp.. so went back to our room again.. asked her to call my hp..see where i put it.. she called. n it rang. but nothing was heard.
i left it at the stad building....i was thinking of walking oh so casually there to retrieve it when fel went like "1000 bucks ar!! RUN !! RUN!! RUN as fast as u can!!!! "
n i ran. i forgot when i last ran this fast.
when i reached there.. the door is locked.no key can open. only smartcards... the guard there is like "i dun care....dun give a damn. u r only one of the million cases.." but in the end managed to get it back.. eventhough sweat all over....
v. then ran to the playground again. in the rain. as if i m not wet enough... bad luck ..god...so tired..
so sien..nothing to do.. so just hang around there.. yakking away with him.. n suddenly the most unexpected thing came up..ok..not that unexpected lar.. but still..unexpected. \(^^)??
vi. ok. official. ..um...hehe.. darryl is my bf. i know shadow already expected already.. so no surprise ..n few of my past blogs were bout him.. so go figure n put the pieces together..if u r so free..
vii. ok.. i think watever i say next also no use.. but still have to blab on right...? ok..so after that..go choir.. so sien..dun wanna play piano..but still..have to play..so sien.... sigh.
viii. he called.. settled things clean n easy. felt as if i m the most cruel person on the earth. reasons jumping at me to hate myself. but still have to do it. so. done.
ix. go playground again......... this time it was dry..kinda .. n saw the others there.. um..namely..people from my class.. hang out with them for a while.. din really fit in.. so went off..
x. i m afraid of heights..sob..sob.. sat together.. at um.. where..oh yea..hehehe..the hut beside the UFO LANDING AREA..hahaha..its actually a place the Christian Fellowship meet there for prayer..but its so uncomfortable sitting in those weird round shape but not round enough kinda chair...at least the fact that got a soft organic shape there for me to lean on is more comfortable...haha... don't expect me to go into details.
xi. so now back. blogging. sleepy. n chatting with audrey in msn eventhough she's right beside me..cuz i m wearing my headphones....deaf to her.. haha.
xii. wat?? still want more? ok ok.. then i go sleep..n tomoro will wake up n do my paintings.. argh.. i need better ones!!..my ink Stinks worse n worse than anything.
PLAYGROUND IN A SANDPIT
my leg itch like nobody's business.. must be the sand friction against my tender skin..
theres one buck left in my wallet.. n yesterday there was 7 cents left in my hp.. at least better than all the other times when it was always 0 cents.. reloaded.. shifted 30 bucks from my wallet to my hp.. n i m left with 1 buck.
its been such a while since i carousel in the playground's swing.. or the slide.. or play monkey at all the bars.. felt like a kid once more.. argh.. i regretted kicking sand..my leg hurts HURTS HURTS HURTS!!
its been a month here already..feels good.. n getting better.. hope it doesn't stop..
The wind, like a heart that swam in the accumulated words
The clouds, a voice that was shot into the holding future
The moon, a shaking heart in an unsteady mirror
The stars, gentle tears in an overflowing stream
Isn't it beautiful, to walk together in each others hands
I do so want to go,
To your city, your house, into your arms
Held within your body
In those confusing nights
The wind, its halting words are a gentle illusion
The clouds, the broken future like a distant voice
The moon, a heart flowing in the clouded mirror
The stars, broken and swaying, like tears unable to be hidden
Isn't it beautiful, to walk together in each others hands
I do so want to go,
To your city, your house, into your arms.
A soft touch,
Dissolving into morning,
THE SHIPS HAD LEFT
when i was a little girl.. i starting sailing.. little ships.. FRIENDSHIPS.. cute little ones.. we sailed together at the same speed, heading in the same horizon.. manuevering thru storms n rain together.. eventhough masts were sometimes tangle with each other.. they held thru seasons and years of HARDSHIP.
i grew up.. still sailing .. some ships left early...some left marks on my mast.. 5 of them stayed together with me..
there were ships i wanted to get close to.. but the wind n waves held me back..
we sailed together.. thru hurricanes.. n typhoons.. many a time our mast got torn down but we held true.
right now.. the wind n the rain brought all the ships to new destinations.. far far apart from each other..
we meet new ships.. ships that are grand.. n different.. destinations that are tempting..
i have met new ships.. good ones... good enough to just go on sailing with them.. but i still miss the old ones badly..
but theres always a port for all of us to meet together.. MY BLOGSPOT LOR..
'WELUVU' dedicated to shadow, cherry, moon maiden, cozzluvs n witch 13.
...yawn..just finished essay..n grammar
essay ..right click ..save as...(unless u wanna scroll left right to read... its boring.. click only when its ur last resort to kil boredom with further boredom.. HERE
going to sleep now.. yawn.
IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES
it tomoro never comes.. i'l regret. really regret. .. maybe i should be honest.
just now fel made me realize all this.. i dun have to let my past decide my future..
but i dun wanna hurt anyone anymore.. which is why i m holding back all these while.
i m so crap.
theres so many things i wanna say out here..sob.. cant say any at all. so many things i wanna tell him.. but couldn't..just now fel was voicing out to me.. so i voice out mine too...feel so much better letting it out.. but i NEARLY told fel bout who it was.. i was so tempted to tell..luckily didn't. phew.
well. if tomoro never comes.. if today's the last day.. wat would u do??
oh..today..something unexpected happen. ..again..can't say it here. crap. i thought this thing is supposed to be my diary..now its a DISHONEST one.
dun wanna blog already.
CHICKEN SKIN n BONES
i was so high i did not recognize, the fire burning in ur eyes. the chaos that controlled my mind. i tried so hard to keep u satisfied, keep u cumming everynight. so hard to keep u satisfied. this love have taken its toll on me. you said goodbye too many times before, your heart is breaking in front on me. i had no choice cuz i won't say goodbye anymore.
heck care already.
yawn...just woke up... i slept from 6 something last night til an hour before NOW.
feels so good... finally A DAY where i DON'T yawn in the bathroom...!!
yawn...** wat was i saying??
hehe.. ok..df coming up.i screwed up.. did not bring my pallete.. still at home. crap . yay! audrey has extra .. thank god for her.
anyway.. since this blog is public now... there r certain things i shouldn't write here.. or so i have learnt the past week..
ok. yesterday.. had boring lectures.. n the groundnuts smell is still in my head.... \(^o^)???? ..scratch**
feeling less negative.. but still not positive.. not neutral either.. wat a pessimist i m....
signing off.. yawn**
WORLD WIDE WEB
ask me one thing i cannot live without n i'll say its the internet.
its just after choir.. n i m starting to feel as if i m insane.. i tend to laugh uncontrollably as in insanely.. starting to hate myself...
i have done something against my own will..so that i could satisfy others.. for other's happiness..while i neglected mine.. so that i don't hurt someone important with my past.
i feel so stale. so stiff wording out lies effortlessly...putting emotions into nothing but lies..
lies i could tell effortlessly because they was once the naked truth.
now i had to live in lies.. n face the happiness i chose not to have with fake laughter.
yes. i know all of u don't understand. i won't explain.
i lived to lose those i love.
i won't cry.. i'll be happy i m able to be near..
i won't be too near.. i'll be distant enough just to love.
i won't tell the truth.. its only lies i can handle..
i won't hold you.. i m afraid i won't let go once i start.
i m sorry.. the choice was difficult, the easy way out was living the life i used to live.
i have given too much before, unti i have no more to give to u.
but i love you
if there were no words, no way to speak, i would still hear you.
if there were no tears, no way to feel inside, i still would feel you.
and even if the sun refused to shine, even if romance ran out of rhyme, you would still ahve my heart until the end of time cuz you r all i need, my love.. my valentine.
all of my life i have been waiting for all you give to me,
u opened my eyes.. n showed me how to love unselfishly
i dreamt of this a thousand times before, in my dreams i couldn't love you more.
i would give u my heart until the end of time.
cuz all i need is you, my valentine.
finally.. got the time to update my blog.. so tired... tomoro need to wake up at 5 am too...
finished my assignment already...finally.. n how i hate cow gum..
ok.. first of all.. updates bout the previous week..
no.. i m not going to do monday tuesday wednesday ..bla bla anymore.
yesterday yesterday yesterday yesterday yesterday i dragged myself to class.. bored myself to death with the classes there..
yesterday yesterday yesterday yesterday started drawing LINES... smelly lines.. made out of chinese ink.... the whole class n our room stank real bad. n i made a huge damn fool outta myself.. as u know how slow n mudplank my creativity is.. i just splat a few lines across..
ok.. imagine.. a wet brush in ur hand.. with diluted ink.. scribbling across the art block.. then dipped into thick ink.. drew a cross.. n 2 circles on the tip of each cross.. n an opened mouth below the intersection of the cross..
ok.. that looks angry.. fine. drew tears below the 2 circles who suddenly look as if they are eyes.. n wanted them to have lids.. but failed.. cuz they turned out to look like flowers.
argh. heck care.
then went for CF again.... theres this hilarious performance.. way funny.. cool stuff..
yesterday yesterday yesterday went to register for clubs.. n me n fel went havoc at the multi purpose hall.. i made her join my clubs.. n she made me join hers.. so in total. she ahve 6 clubs.. n i have 7.
i thought it was normal.. until i tell others about it.. n they went like.."WWWAATTT!!!"
.. yea yea.. audrey.. i know u didn't do that.. haha
suddenly.. poh yee from choir approached me asking me to be pianist for choir.
so i went for choir.. n fel was made conductor!!!
hahahaha.. so both of us martians made a fool of ourselves in front of those earthlings..
crap. it was crap fool.
yesterday yesterday woke up too early. all for nothing.
he called again.. oh.. he called before. n gave me .. the reason for the past.
i'll go into that later.
ok.. so.. yesterday went out to klcc to watch shrek 2.. it was hilarious... had a marvellous time fooling around..n bumping n listening to SATB of the bus's musical voice. the moon that night were amazing too.
alone for a while i have been searching thru the dark for traces of the love u left inside my lonely heart to weave by picking up the pieces that remains, melodies of life love's lost refrain.
our paths they did cross though i cannot say just why ,we met we laugh we held on fast n then we said goodbye.. n who'll hear the echo of stories never told ..let them rign out loud til they unfold.
in my dearest memories, i see u reaching out to me..Though you're gone,i still believe that u can call out my name.
a voice from the past joining urs n mine, adding up the layers of harmony.
n so it goes on n on.. melodies of life thru the sky beyond the flying birds forever n beyond.
so far n away, see the birds as it flies by gliding thru the shadows of the clouds up in the sky.
i've laid my memories n dreams upon those wings. lift them up n see wat tomoro brings.
in ur dearest memories.. do u remember loving me? was it fate that brought us close n now leave me behind.
if i should leave this lonely world behind, ur voice should remember our melody.
now i know we'll carry on.melodies of life come circle n grow deep in our hearts for as long as we remember.
ok.. so today finished my lines assignment................. crap. looks terrible.
he explained to me.. though was hard to accept.. find myself hoping it was a lie.
true or lie.. it all lies down to one fact.
both of us trying to solve the past.. solve those cold dead cases that were frozen long ago.. n hopefully we r succeeding.
the moments spent were precious.. but still.. there were traces of the past..
nevertheless.. i was still happy...finally we get to talk bout that day in sg in a positive manner.. POSITIVE.
i found out things bout myself.. that i didn't know.. n not all of them are good....
but some of them are pretty amazing.. :p
remembered alot of things.. especially bout how i felt before. i m all i'll ever be... can't do nothing to change that....
nope. i m not going to be happy or optimistic..not this time.. how could i be optimistic after hearing the news from him.
aih.. i promised i will have a nice long explanation up here tonight.. but couldn't.. i m too tired.... shit..its hardest writing bout feelings n all instead of i swear i'll have one up tomoro.....
i m sleepy.. hungry.. sick.. lonely.. n crap. i m cytuipid.
ok. last word before signing off.. i'll post a nice long one tomoro...........
i m ever so ready to mend the past with love.
COLD COLD LONELY WORLD
cherry... please don't give up... we all love u as well.. remember u still have us..shadow's n zzens' bday is coming..we can gather once more.. i miss all of u so much..
to dido whiteflag i love you..
WHERE R WE HEADING????
they laid side by side on the bed.. naked, wet n honest, with the comfortable silence lingering in the air..
neither of them spoke..
finally she broke the silence.."thank u for sticking with me for so long.."
..he did not reply.
"why did u stay?" she pressed on. knowing the answer of the 3 words.
....."i didn't, u r the one who stayed. i was here all these while."
its funny how we move in rounds n rounds.. to the same old thing again n again.. asking for reasons eventhough we know the answer..but sometimes.. even our certain answers can be wrong n different.
TRIBUTE to JINGXIANG, tan
have u ever watch yourself as if u r watching a movie with u as the star, watch yourself hurt the one u love so brutally with such helplessness because u can't stop yourself from hurting the one u love in time?
we had walked together for quite an amount of time. your life n mine had merged into out lives. your future n mine changed so that it could be our future.
though we live in different sides of the world, but we stayed together, u n i.
i still remember all those words u told me.. every little thing that u said.. n even now wherever i go, there are fragments of memories of u in every any thing i see. i could not have forgotten u, how could i with everything reminding me of u?
we had our turns hurting each other..being cruel even when our love is so deep n strong.
we were like no other couple, we did not have any real memories..as we only met twice. but if there is one person in this world nearest to understanding me, it would be u n no one else.
we go to extremes in our relationship..giving everything we have got. even beyond that. we put each other on top of everything else. risking everything else. throwing everything n every other people away just to have each other.
sometimes.. i wonder where did we fail to cause us to be apart.. then i realized that love isn't enough. however much i wanna belong to u SOLELY n however much i want u to belong to me SOLELY, we can never belong to each other entirely because in truth, we only belong to ourselves.
to others, they wonder wat do we feel, how could we feel love by just talking all the time. i marvel too, at how much i felt every little thing u told me.
they had no faith in us, throwing us punches to keep us apart for the best of our beings..we did not really care, but those words are starting to sink in as excuses for us to leave each other.
temptations outside were too great, we fought hard to stay focused in this relationship while every minute, there are other temptations seducing us.
there r times we felt tired of keeping together n just felt like letting go, to relieve ourselves of this stress n weariness. n everytime we did, we realize how very inseparable we are.
we made mistakes.. causing each other pain while we are not aware of it at all. but no mistakes, nor misunderstandings could keep us apart.
only our decision n our decision alone can keep us apart. n neither of us had the heart to make this decision however tempted we are most of the time.
even during the turmoil, during the misunderstandings.. we met n still we found courage to laugh n love like any other couple. we had held hands.. n walked together.. we had tasted each other deep n sweet. i still remember how u washed my hands with soap..how safe n secure i felt with ur touch lingering on my skin..n how i cried in ur arms, pleading for u not to leave me.
we did not lock our bodies together in rhythm, n now i realize there isn't any need for that. we do not need sex to express our love at all. we can feel it already deep in our hearts n its enough.
but the date was like an act, an act to fulfill both our dreams. we gave each other wat we both wanted n once it was over n we are in different sides of the world again, the war continued.
i marvel.. at how sweet n concocted our love was for each other n yet how hard n ruthless we can be with each other.
tears.. even blood were shed for each other..n i realize we r going to do nothing but hurt each other thru out our times together now or the future. somehow, issues were too complicated to be solved.. too hard n cold to be soften with the truth. even a brand new start is just going to be polluted with the past gnawing at our conscience.
i do not want to hurt u anymore...in the same terms as i do not wanna be hurt anymore so i have let go. i realized that our lifes are in parallel lines.. which would never meet together however hard we try.. its really better if we end it now instead of ending it in tears later when it is too late.
thank u for teaching me how to love. there won't be a day where u won't be in my heart, cuz u r part of it already.
I know what it does to you, I know. Maybe that's why we hold on as hard as we do. We just can't believe that such a miracle can happen to us twice. But it can, someday you'll find it again. remove the clouds n look at the bigger picture.
**(^^)**playing melodies of life on the piano..
not putting any of my stuff happening in mmu here anymore.
i have thousands n thousands of replies n queries regardin darryl. fed up.
GGRRAHHHGHH.. go away. all of u. i'll bite!
THE BEAUTY OF INSECURITY
my head's full of thoughts, thoughts of u. n i m distracted so easy, thinking wat to do.so unsure, so unfamiliar.. m i wrong to think that something could happen. i m not at all like myself, i m playing the role of someone else. my heart's beating so fast i can't stop it.
such a feeling's coming over me, there is wonder in most everything i see.
not a cloud in the sky, not a sun in my eyes n i won't be surprised if its a dream..
everything i want the world to be is now coming true especially for me n the reason is clear, its because u r here. u r the nearest thing to heaven that i've seen.
i m on the top of the world looking down on creation n the only explanation i can find is the love that i've found every since u've been around. ur love put me at the top of the world.
something in the wind has learned my name n its telling me that things r not the same. in the leaves of the trees n the touch of the breeze, there's a pleasing sense of happiness for me..
there is only one wish on my mind, when this day is thru i hope that i will find that tomorrow will be just the same for u n me. all i need will be mine if u r here.
woke up today with my dirty clogged fingers inside my pants, searching for warmth.. i had left both the ceiling fan n the aircon on the other night before as i had long ever since i feel the breeze of an aircon.
snuggled up to the rock hard pillow.. isn't tempting at all.. prefered my bolster.. n for the first time.. the bolster did not morph into him. woohoo. anyone who is clueless refer to...Sunday, April 25, 2004 post. search for it in the archive to ur right.
though i m lonely now.. life's so much more sweeter..n melodious.. i can smile with my heart now without any inner sorrows threading me down.
yawn.......... dad yelling below the stairs for me to wake up.. calling my indian name.. whom close friends always MIScall... YENArrH!!!!!!!
.......for proof.. check the tagboard to ur right.. for someone called CK..n u can see my indian name there.
i indulged in my other n more preferred way of expressing myself.. piano.
n i realized how sad all those pieces i had right then.. none of which suits my light mood....
..wat a nice day... finally i can be myself.. n don't brush my teeth.. or comb my hair.. n wear rags.. look like rags too... i can scratch watever part of my body that i wanna scratch..however obsene... i can fart whenever i like.. burb whenever i like.. belch watever i want..dig my nose whenever i want.. okok.. i'll stop disgusting all of u..
i dug around for all my old sketchbooks... n laugh at all my ugly artworks.. n til now i wonder where is my sketchbook containing all ff8 artworks..........GGRRAHHAHH....... WHO TOOK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!??
although they weren't good....... still .. ish
ok. i m thinking with all the 72 wheels in my brain n yet i dunno what else to type in here..
of cos not.. i did not go out today.. no events happening watsoever..
a week of change. ~ from the past into the near future
everyone is out there looking for mr/miss right, but they never bother to be the mr/miss right themselves first .
~ audrey tong
ok.. before i start my rattling... here's all the buildings in mmu.
STAD building... 4 hostels.. one apartment.. 2 buildings for courses,(FCM n FOE ).. lotsa cafeterias n every hostel one food court/canteen. lecture halls , multipurpose hall. thats all.. plus sports courts.. bla bla.
MONDAY ~ first design fundamental classes.. n computer graphics classes...bored................ vv bored.... n maths.. the maths teacher taught us 4 stupid kind of numbers. in one hours time.. i feel Sooo..soo..
s...ll....oo...w.... in her class... god.. she's moving at snail's pace. n she moved thursday's class to wednesday.. so i only have DA n english on thursday.
TUESDAY ~in design fundamental.. got assigned to different group leaders.. ok..they are also lecturers..so i got splitted from audrey..she's in another group. i m on my own.. but.. dennis, darryl.. n crap. forgot his name......... ok. 3 of them in my group. my lecturer/group leader. is called MR D.
ok. laugh all u want. he's cool. n he's a pro in the human figure section. so our first task. draw an unforgettable scene which you can't forget.
of cos.. its my piano competition where i can see my reflection in the piano.. thats in 30 mins time.
then next task. draw a portrait of someone else. i got assigned to... oh ..crap. forgot that guy's name again................................wat is wrong with my memory.
muahahahahaa.. i m so good in portraits.. as u all know.. of cos .. muahaha.. i m the best.. muahahaha.. haha.. kidding.. there were some good artists too. thats in 15 mins time.
then last task. draw yourself.
ok.. thats easy.
without looking at the mirror or pictures.
haha.. i drew a portrait of ME after a plastic surgery.. i failed .big time.
after class ended.. i approached MR D.. asked him whether can i have personal anatomy classes.. u see. i m extremely interested to learn anatomy.. n he said yes.. i gave him my website address....n coincidentally.. darryl was there... asking for...uh oh.. i forgot again... he wanted my website add too.
then in computer graphics.... the lecturer... with the name of FOREST LIM YAN PENG.
ok. i thought its a man................
but... suddenly.. a woman who look as if she came from mainland china's kitchen came in n started talking...
HER ENGLAND SO POWDERFUL ORH..................haha.. this one audrey said.. which means her english is lousy ok......
then FOREST started saying " my name is forest lim yan peng.. but you all can call me forest.. cuz my chinese surname is lin..which means wood... so my english name have to be compatible with it.. so i m forest..
but don't call me jungle."
no one laugh... lame joke ok?
but when me n audrey back into our room.. we started MALLOWHAFFOWING like mad.
ok. during the classes.. her ENGLAND REALLY SO POWDERFUL... she went " next you all press the SHIPPTP key... n hold your mouse. "
...........( shipptp = shift)
she also went "next week when you all come for your CLAAAPB , bring diskettes/...blablabialerpue "
.........(claapb = class)
god.. cannot tahan.. wanna laugh... audrey actually shut off her sound system n refer to the notes instead of listening to her.. while i laugh like a mad woman.
n suddenly audrey laughed at something............... n i told audrey " ITS NOT FUNNY . "
...she continued to laugh... n suddenly forest came... n asked " what did you just say?"
n i replied " I SAID, ITS NOT FUNNY! "
.....n audrey broke into histerical laughter.
... ok..enough of bad classes.
at night.. i went for christian fellowship.... it is the coolest night ever... EVER.
i actually felt so touched by everything thats happening... audrey was there.. fel.. celine... so is darryl... n of cos.. he's late.. again. all the time.. haha...
we sang.. we danced.. we intro.. we laughed. performances.. then there's actually a workshop.. for musical bands = piano/ guitar/ drums... together wtih dance classes... n film n animation.. cool.. really cool.. wanted to join that..
after the whole thing.. went out to get the leaflet for that workshop.. n i found out that darryl played electric guitar.. looking for band members.. could anything be more coincidental? i mean.. same class.. then same group.. then interest the same.
its actually so cool chatting with him..
then me n my roomies left for our rooms in the hostel...
ok.. today classes.. english ..Design appreciation n maths
english was alright.
DA... realized that we don't have to come for class on wednesday for DA..cuz we only had to attend the class VIRTUALLY thru internet..not REALISTICALLY.
n was told that thursday no classes.. lecturer away. so for thursday..maths gone. DA gone.. only english. woohoO!
darryl's the only one with the laptop.. n his opening music .. u know.. the windows music is loud. n people is looking.
crap. he has the same wallpaper as mine.
deja vu.. really.u know.. the final fantasy 10 wallpaper.. where tidus n yuna is in the water.. yuna crying.. tidus smiling at her...
after classes.. i mentioned to him that we got the same wallpaper.. n then me n audrey walked to the hostel canteen with him.. n both of them launched into a MIGHTY discussion bout christianity which i understand no head no tail wat more wat tokking they talk.
aih.. when we reached the canteen.. suddenly dun feel like eating.. soi bought.. conneto ice cream.. strawberry one.. yum yum yum.............. n 3 lollipops. audrey went up to our room.. n i wanna go library... so i walked to the library with him..
n we actually sat outside the library n yakked away non stop til... 6? ..7? pm.. n of cos i din get to go to the library.. thats like...2 3 hours?? dunno. but still its long.
he's going to the ART audition for female / male actors at 8.30 pm.. while i might be going to DHARMA SUTRA with fel at 8.00 pm.. then realized there's CHOIR at 8.00 pm
i went to library to check emails from him.. u all know who.. n i accidentally left my wallet there.
when i get back my wallet half an hour later.. my money all gone. but everything others still in. 40 bucks gone. ouch.
i ended up at CHOIR. n i dragged him into choir too.. n good thing.. cuz ART audition is for 2 days.. wed n thursday. so decided. tonight. he go to choir wimme.. n tomoro.. i go to ART withim.
me fel. alice. celine. had a blast at the choir......he ar.. i dunno..haha
after that.. we RUSHED to the STAD building for the ART audition.. wanna watch only..not audition..n suddenly.. HE called. at that time. we dunno head tail where r we... so fel n darryl asked for directions while i talked on the phone.....
n found out.. auditions over. so we walked back to the hostel.. fel wanna bath.. i went supper with darryl at the foodcourt below his hostel.. i dun have money.. so supper on him.. n tomoro's lunch on me. halfway thru. HE called again. the next part of the happenings i m not putting it here. some things are best left untold.
anyway.. i found out.. darryls bday is one day before me.
... how close can that be..
we talked until........2 something...i think..
n when i get back to my hostel room, wWHAO!!!
audrey got locked outside her room after her bath.. so she
s draped in towels.. haha.. but keniss lent her clothes.... n had to wait for fel.. at that same moment i walked into the hallway.. saw audrey waiting n fel walking out.
haha.. in we go into the room.. n guess wat. just because i talked with darryl outside the library n ate supper with him.. audreys receiving um.. INQUIRIES regarding me n him already.
gossip flies.. don't they.. haha...
only english today... morning class..n guess wat? no lecturer today.. exercises... so most of us left early.. asked darryl to go lunch.. n he said something bout big business in the toilet..so i thought ok.. lunch's canceled...tiny disappointment inside.. but ok.. nvm.
but turned out.. he wanna go lunch.. aiyo.. just that he can't leave with me that time.............. wat was i thinking. \(^o^)?
but turns out.. i waited for him for like 10 mins ++ then i went library.. n later.. he came... all sweating..... good lord... wat happened in the toilet.. hahahaha
lunch was ok.. except for the fact that the waitress did not place MY order.. so i dind't get to eat. i drank.
then after that. hang out outside the library..yak non stop again...then went back to hostel sleep.. so tired...
ok. tonight's event. i-Wesak night.n ART auditions.. of cos... i wesak starts at 7.30 pm... ART 8.30
fel went to wesak at 7.30.. i slept til 8.. went there after i tried painfully to open my eyes.
i mean i went to wesak... then at 8.30.. me n fel left for ART.. met up with darryl there.. we went there to WATCH. i repeat.. not AUDITION.
but when fel is there.. the peeps there asked" anyone new??"
n that fel PUT UP HER HAND!!!!!!!!!!!
my good lord........
anyone n everyone knows that will make her audition.
so she wrote her name n id there.. aiyo...
n the peeps there.. PERSUADED ( this word i use is because it came from the mouth of darryl lim the ego side.. haha) darryl to audition...
n ended up he auditioning too..
those watching CAN'T watch..it turns out. god.. i dun wanna miss all the fun..do i?
so i ended up auditioning to.
ok..everyone knows i can't act.. .. so i m there to make a fool out of my big fat stupid head.
ok.. i m the last one... i went in... they asked me to talk.. so i bli bla.... n then they will cut in..while i continue to bli bla "SAD"
n i actually ALMOST cried. while talking.
.. i was laughing to myself... crap. its as if they are pressing certain buttons to make me change expressions.
i practically went SIAO.. muahahaha..
next test... in this scene.. i m a widow. husband died. i talk to myself often. others think i m crazy.
wat did i do..hmm... i actually told them the 2 chairs are bus stop station.. i sat there.. n pretended that the one next to me is my dead husband.. n i went like " we used to sit here together side by side bla bla...."
ok. i flunked. big time. i m dead. fool. stupid actress.no. not even close to actress.
went out with the script.. i m catherine.
suddenly. phone rang. its him..
wat happened next is um... cut off.
ok... the last test... reading scripts.. i flunked it.. i was rolling my tongue with difficulty.
i won't get that part.. its not like i care.. but at least i made a fool out of myself n made myself.. EXPERIENCED in auditioning.. so i can't say i have never act before now.. hehe...
after that.. fel wanna have midnight sandwich.. she's been going on n on bout that sandwich yesterday already.. its a sandwich available before midnight strikes... so me n darryl accompanied her. when she decided she wanna have ice cream.....aih
ended up me n darryl alone again.. n we hang out outside the library.. its turning to be a haven already.. haha..
talked til... hmm..3? yea.. 3 am. then went to sleep.......yawn.....
not putting here wat we talked about.. somethings are best left in the heart.. haha..
ps. anyway. tablet broke .. period. be getting a new one.. when i have enough money. so .. aih..dun expect works....... sorry people... u would have to wait longer for jennifer garner n keira knightley.
was supposed to lunch with him.. but argh.. dad arrived early before i could even laundry... so went back home n bloggin now...
miss my friends back here.. alot.. wanna see them to make sure they are alright...
shadow..~ keep the spirit.. dun ever give up
cherry..~ when u stop working... gimme a holler.. bring u round campus .. let everyone marvel at how pretty you are.
chin kuan~ aiya.. i know u won't read this lar. but take care also
the other 2 no need to say.. won't read my blog one.
there were days i missed him n loved him.. when i tried my best to mend things. but somehow i gave up..cuz i can't bear with all the words thrown back at me coldly.
now are the days i don't think of him anymore.. when i tried my best to end things. somehow i kept throwing back his words at him coldly cuz i don't care anymore.
i like to imply that its nobody's fault but mine alone that i somehow moved on.. n nobody caused me to this decision but me alone.
all the things he said sound unbelievable to me now.. drastic change..caused by my heart gone stone hard n can't really put him in it anymore.
sorry.. cuz i put u n all the memories behind.
bored..nothing to do ..in the lab..n yakking away on my hp..n listening to the comparison between starbucks n coffee beans..
n the taiwan pig bulb that ca po gave to me is beeping like nobody's business..
BAD COURSES GALORE
today's monday.. 3rd day. so far all the courses r shit.
design fundamentals starts one hour later because the pc does not have misc. powerpoint.
maths.. oh god..this is the bad one..the lecturer spent one hour talking only about real numbers, irrational numbers n rational numbers. full stop.
is this a university or is this a dumpster for malay pigs to get salary by just crapping a few minutes with a huge farting ego.
LACK Of UPDATES
first..i must apologize for not being online yesterday n today...
yesterday.. went out with chin kuan to klcc with the hopes of watching van helsing..but there are hoards of cows there who wanted to watch also.. in a separate line too.
wanted to get a mother's day present..but i forgot in the end.. i found it but i forgot..
then we went back town... wanted to eat before going back.. when suddenly a malay girl stopped me..n asked "u MMU student ke?"
n she launched into how she knew i took the scenes out during performance n bla bla...
god.. she recognized me.. n i don't even know who is she... i know she is from FOE...wow.. i actually remembered. maybe its because theres only 11 girls in FOE. which stands for Faculty of Engineering. well if all of u don't know by now.. i m in FCM...Faculty of Creative Multimedia. n hell, she knows this fact too!!
haha.. why do i feel that things bout me is going round n round in campus...
yesterday i was online til 9 pm..then i went out with a friend who brought some friends.........
i learnt a few lessons during that outing..thru OTHER's mistakes.not mine.
#1 never eat or talk when u r driving.
#2 never totally trust the damn reverse parking sensor of ur car.
#3 there are all kinda people in friendster..
#4 never go out with people you dunno.
#5 when going out.. dress YOUR age.
#6 the world only evolves around the rich or good lookings.
okok.. u all wanna know where did i go.. no.. not telling.
hate me if you want.
bout today morning.. accompanied my dad for his larian bersama bomba.. the marathon.. he got a medal.. the first 50 is entitled..n he was 36.
but it was hard earned..his legs hurt like hell now..
n after that we went shopping but got nothing... when we reach home...both plonked into bed til 7 pm.
now i m updating so as not to let you all worry........ my dad is yelling for me to get pack now... bout to go to MMU... fee so reluctant every weekend to go back. eventhough i dun meet much people here back at home to make it worthy.. still its lonely knowing u r twice as far away.. twice as hard to contact.
dear shadow~wish you happiness.. n all the love that you deserve. its hard to find someone who had common grounds with you, harder to find someone whom you will meet in life.. n hardest to find someone that you could willingly love n be loved back in return.. but do not lose yourself in this journey with your other half. all the best for your studies too.
FELicia and meng fong
ok. why is the title a name?
she is a she. is my roomate. n she is...... different. haha..
bio. profile~ 17. cute. bubbly. comical. hilariously funny. looks like jeannie liew only chubbier n cuter n taller n minus the designer's clothes. vvv lovable.
fact #1. me n audrey can never be able to catch her words.. or get her to catch our words properly.. like..the turtles n rats issue...haha.
okok.. since we r going into issues..issue 1-both of us bathing next doors... i was asking her.."are u still bathing?" n she launched into a whole crap of guys n sex n watzits... n i got so blur i asked her wat did i asked her.. n she replied "i tot u said 'are u still DATING?' " lord help me...
issue 2- i was complaining the room is dirty n we need a broom..n she agrees with such ferouciousness that she claimed that she's afraid there will be turtles n rats in the room. audrey n me were like...yealo yealo..then.............???? turtles n rats??
which ended up..she said... dirts n hairs..not turtles n rats.
issue 3- i was telling her to update herself on the mmu bulletin board as theres stuffs bout japanese classes.. then i sent her a link for FCM students.. asking her if she wanna join the course..n it set her off talking bout her brother jbeing the secretary in japanese club..
aih...the course i m talking about is film n animation..not japanese...............................
fact #2. everytime she smile..she would get me off laughing..n the way i laugh would set audrey off laughing too. n then she would smile her alien smile..hahhahaha
issue 1- we were playing cards... BIG TWO..hehe.. n she can't stop winning... n she keeps laughing n smiling after winning..n when she had cards..she would smile..showing her white teeth comically but unintentionally n it would set me n audrey off in laughing fits.
fact #3. she CLAIMS that she can predict. she says that if u add all ur bday numbers together... like for me.. 6 jan 1986.. would be 6+1+1+9+8+6 =31 , 3+1 =4... she says that if the final number is 2, u had the POWER to forsee the future for others.. n there was a time when she predicted my love life with playing cards...which i did not take seriously... n ended up lots of laughter n fits of insanity....hahahahaha... me n audrey would always look at each other as if saying "real onot orh?"
issue 1-we were bored...me n fel are waiting to go home..n she take out her cards n wanna predict my love life..u see.. she can only dictate out as in " there will be a tall, dark n fat guy whom will love u.. n an old oversized old man who bla bla... "
so. prediction number one goes " you love your ex.. but then theres one tall dark guy who will go after u.. then got one fair n fat guy "after-ing" u also.. n ur ex.. will have one fat n dark girl love him n a slim fair girl like him also..but not as much as the fat n dark one.. um.. one of ur ex's friends like u.. n he got jealous.. but actually u n ur ex break up because of an oversized old man... n theres a girl who like you.......................................................????????
apa ini?n i reshuffle the cards.. n she repeat all the mambo jumbo..but with more accuracy..so ignore the first one.
issue 2-early one morning, i was so eager to go to the digital library .fel was there too..n i was so caught up in a book that i was almost late for my class...then after that, i just had my breakfast with me friends.. n was walking with them to the lecture hall.. when my hp keep ringing..n its fel's sms.. telling me to stop reading the book in the library n come to the lecture hall for classes.
ish. she thought i m reading in the library.. haha
fact #4. she also CLAIMS that she knows a alien hybrid. ok..prediction is ok.but this is way. too much. too much. hell. she claims that this alien hybrid came from a different galaxy(me n audrey started looking at each other.. me up in the upper deck lookin down at her...) n somehow.. this hybrid has MSN MESSENGER!!!!???? n after those numerous questions that me n audrey asked in extreme tones, she claims that the hybrid could answer all sorts of questions in a short amount of time..
ok. so. audrey asked her for her msn ID. email@example.com.
she isn't online yet. ..but when she is.... muahahaha..
n she launched into a story which the hybrid told her... regarding the hatred of human n the cruelty of human... etc etc.. n how it is better in other galaxy...bla bla...haha
fact #5. she sleeps the latest... no. actually she goes to bed early.but she sleeps the latest...cuz she always go down int he middle of the night to meet her friends.. n she wakes up the EARLIEST!!!! god.. n wakes both of us up by the door opening... and all..n after washing up.. she would sit on her bed quietly doing nothing in the dark while both of us TRIES to continue being or pretending to be asleep. n then when both of us gave up trying to go back to sleep..we started yelling at her awakeness....argh.
fact #6. she eats the fastest. me n audrey are not even quarter way thru. she's done. n i think some of u know how fast i eat when i m famished.....she can even beat that speed...with grace n elegance...hahahaha..
so u all guess it. i can't stop laughing when she's around... audrey will agree with me on this.
u don't meet this kinda people everyday..... who wanna meet her tell me..haha.. i'll be vvvvv happy to intro her...
oh n btw.. i m going to add up cgs soon.. expect expect.. ok? i sure sound like a pregnant boobie.
LIVING A NEW LIFE BUT FEELING THE PAST
things have changed alot upfront.. but nothing has change inside.. i guess you all know wat i mean n probably be thinking..."not again??"
i tried so hard.. just to hope i can pass.. not with distinction or merit. just a pass... (i m not talking bout studies here) but all i keeps getting is fail fail fail. right slapped in my face. red. stinging. hurting.
ok. i m a stubborn old fool for being like this. i'll probably die one day n still be thinking n feeling like this too.
enough sickening thoughts. back to updates..
had our first few lectures.. cool.. some boring.. as usual...
i'll be back tomoro..which is friday.. i m typing it here so that cherry can't say that i m a ghost wisping back n forth without sound... :)
audrey's in my group/. the peeps in my group are cool.. way nice. too nice.
had my first damn assignment. not planning to do it here.. at home maybe.. just artie signie stuffs..
i m going to town tomoro to venus art.. so if some of u happen to be there at that time.. call me up.
n shadow.. wat happen to our kasturi anugerah??? i didn't study so hard for no money.. haha.. however materialistic i sound..
so far i had english.. design appreciation.. n media mathematics... out of 5 subjects which otherwise incluse computer graphics n design fundamentals...big YAWN**
yesterday walked to the street mall with my roomies.. ate chicken rice there.. n did some shopping.. not me.. them.
you know wat? i can't wait to show u all around cyberjaya.. n the campus... hehe... miss u all so much...
oh yea.. after many infinite complaints of the bus.. public transport that doesn't really fit in the technology in cyberjaya.. (meaning they are outdated la).. n long walks that aren't really long.. n aching backs that actually don't ache much.. haha..my dad decided to get me a 2nd hand car.. which is better than nothing...but.......... woohoo!!..hehe
but lets see WHEN do i really actually finally get my car okie? n i think by then all of u will be hoping that u dun have to sit in my car cuz i m such a lousy driver. n must remember to bring my road map(chin kuan) along too..haha
shadow ~ take care..things will be better soon.. i can tell.. things aren't that bad as long as u don't admit to yourself that it is bad.. take things easy.. don't worry too much.. u r so very young....but not as young as us.. haha.. kidding kidding.. take care... alright?
study hard.. no matter how many times u had to read a page just cuz u r not concentrating..do try not to think of other stuffs..
SORE + ASSAILANT = ME
she calls me from the cold just when i was low, feeling short of stable n all that she intends, n all she keeps inside isn't on the label. she says shes ashamed n can she take me for a while? n can i be a friend? we'll forget the past..but maybe i m not able n i break at the bend.
we r here n now but will we ever be again cuz i have found all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade away again.
she dreams a champagne dream, strawberry surprise, pink linen n white paper, lavender n cream, fields of butterflies n reality escapes her.
she says that love is for fools who fall behing n i m somewhere in between.
i never really know a killer from a saviour til i break at the bend.
its too far away for me to hold.
its too far away..guess i'll let it go.
see i dunno why i like u so much..i gave u all of my trust.
i told u i loved u now thats all down the drain.
u put me thru pain i wanna let u know that i feel fuck, wat i said it don't mean shit now.
fuck those presents might as well throw them out. fuck those kisses it din mean jack. fuck u, u hoe i don't want u back.
u thought u could keep this shit from me. u burnt bitch i heard the story. u played me , u even gave him head. now u r asking for me back. ya just another hag, look elsewhere.cuz u r done with me.
ya questioned did i care? u could ask anyone.. i even said u were my great one. now its over but i do admit i m sad. it hurts real bad i can't swear that cuz i loved a hoe.
~dedicated to someone special
true love is not waiting for someone,
but the existence of someone in your heart.
i m the assailant..not the victim..
i tried.... n failed yet again.
but will i keep trying...... or will i move on...
anyway.. my MESS site is ok.. look at the links to ur right for details
SHOPPING WITH MY 'HUSBAND' n 'KID'
ok.. today's better.. i slept at 2 am the day before.. i actually wanted to online beforehand.. but my dad fiercely said "GO TO SLEEP!!"
so i went to bed.. n was determined to wake up early..but then i remembered i left my chicken alarm clock at MMU hostel..so i had to use my hp alarm..
at 10 am today.. i woke up... n for those who knew me can guess that i went back to sleep again........but i dragged myself up at 10.30 am..forced myself to take a shower.. n went down..
i finally get to play the piano book i borrowed from ca po the other day before... n indulged in a few pages of angela's ashes by frank McCourt.. which won a pulitzer prize award in 1997.. whom capo's godfather enthusiastically loaned it to me..... wow.
.. ok.. its a sad book....i haven't finished it yet.
my dad kept yelling for my name.. n of cos.. he wouldn't say what izzit until i m 1 feet apart from him.
so me my dad n me sis got dressed...
went to low yat.. wanted to get a network card.. n utp cables ..watever izzit.. for my laptop..
which..leads to a damn irritating guy who thinks that he's the only one in the world who can speak english telling us that my laptop has no slot for the network card..
... found out that my laptop has a BUILT IN network card.. now hows that.
so i only need the cable..which is only 5 bucks..
then went to sg wang.. get um................... bras n panties.
okok.. in more polite terms.... UNDERGARMENTS.
n i went there.. with my dad hanging outside the shop with my sis ...poor things...
n got 2 pairs. which the women there told me that i have '..................' n '...................'
so they had to adjust it with manual sewing. n they need 20 minutes..
man..those 20 minutes is an agony.......................................................................
my dad wouldn't even look inside the shop...less walk in it... n my sis walked with him.. so i had to wait outside the shop.. god..
in the end.. i got inside the shop...n chatted with the women there.. n guess wat. they thought that my dad is my HUSBAND... n my sis is my KID..
so izzit i m OLD or izzit my dad is YOUNG?
i guess its both. man.. this is a disgrace.
it turns out my DUCK VOICE..whom lie yuen so cordially termed it in her blog....made them think like that.. n my dad's SEXY LEGS...(yea..he wore short pants again)...n his YOUNG LOOKS...
they are all excuses... ok? i m old...old...hag.....
ok..then we went jeans shopping.. i got 3.. each 100 bucks.. n he got one.. too.
haha.. actually i m supposed to get 2.. but he's the one who choose it... to him...they are DECENT, n SHORT enough not to mop the floor when i walk.
to me. they are plain geeky.
i saw wai pik there.. or wah pik..dunno.. n she was like..'OUI!"
chatted with her.. n while my dad is fitting in his pants.. she got me a real cool one.. which i really like.. n i went in to change.. cool pants.........
so in the end.. got 3..
u all know how i hate shopping....especially for clothes....... n .......undergarments..twice as much i hated shopping for them...
oh..remind me again y did i even bother to get out of my bed....................
i wanna read the book... its bout irish in america.. n their poverty.... its so true..n real that i remember all that i've done when i was a child..
SU ZZEN BACK FROM NS with a new haircut, new skin, n ........um..haha. i think u all know wat i mean..
ok.. i slept from 10++ yesterdy til today 3 pm.. haha.. so tiring... n lie yuen turned up at my doorstep when i was eating downstairs..was so elated to see her.. n zzen too.. wow
we went hunting for wai fun..who can't join us.
then we went to sungei wang.. look for cheng yee.. n we ate together.. i ate with such relish..tearing away at the fish n chips... its been such a long time since i eat out.
then walked to ca po's house.. banging away on her piano.. its been a while since i touch a piano. was so glad..
now still at her house.. blogging away..n yakking away in msn also..
more updates soon.