haze

My world Of Vulgarities

i m so fuckin fed up with everything in my life...

imagine.. suddenly ur Perfect life are tumbled down by a nagging father.. today i was holding my sis hand to cross the road.. n wat happened? my dad shouted at me in front of everyone to not hold her hand.

n everytime he asked me a question.. well.. first thing is i answer n try to help.. n then he would suddenly fucking tell me i m wrong n that i m stupid.. n he would put on his god forsaken face to make me upset.


y the fucking ask when u dun wanna know.

n when he asked for directions.. i phoned chin kuan to as bout it.. n when she gave me directions.. he told me to go the other way n that she is wrong. yea.. he is always right.

guys is always right n girls are always stupid. n when girls try to prove otherwise, guys say that we are unfeminine n like to talk back.

fuck them all.


my temper is blowing so ofen that i have a hard time keeping it down..

my father is kind enough to remind me of how disorganize i m bout the mmu intake things.. kept going over n over again bout how i plan everything but did nothing... again n again.

yea. i know. AS a daughter, AS a girl i can't talk back.

but i can't take it anymore..

i in turn reminded him how he was the same too... planned n write n emailed him bout wat to do.. but now? he did nothing too.

n he kept quiet n subtly change the topic... how endearing... huh.



n i was stupid enough.. stupid enough to remember its his bday in april.. stepmoms' bday in april.. sis bday too.


n also stupid enough to tell my dad that i still ahve the SG dollars 450 bucks. which i actualy put in his wallet when i m in sg.

its rm 1000 here.. how the hell m i going to get 1000 bucks in a few days time...!!!

he wants them back..how???


wanna ask from cheng yee.. but she's broke?.. i dunno.. probably give her interest or something.


me n my big mouth..



though was happy to see them today ... but my mind isn't that calm... troubled by my own guilt n conscience .. of wat i posted in this very blog yesterday.

why must all the people in this world be like this..

is it me.or them?




listening to Once IN a Blue MOon..by taro Iwashiro..right now.. felt as if every chord is pulling my heart in its music n rhythm.. imagine.. a violin stick grazing its way thru ur heart... up n down.. not stopping even when it bleeds.. producing the worst music u can't even bear to listen.. then tell me, is it not better to just die .. than to feel this pain every single damn day