haze

the struggle to get back on my feet

surprisingly.. i did not bellow or cry or wallow or watever this time.. no sleepless nights.. basically i knew wat i had to do this time.

get myself busy so that i would not think.

though it worked most of the time.. but the nights n the memories can be tough.. to handle.


i m so sick of myself being a sissy n all.. i solemnly swear that this will be the last time i write bout my love life.. unless of cuz... something comes up.


its like.. now my life moved on..well.. i got back all my contacts...icq n all.. but my heart stayed on.. n no matter how much i indulge in all this daily activities.. there's still a small corner in me that's making me stay the way he want me to be...

um..for example.. haven't clear my desk.. thats full of his stuffs.. his smses still in my hp.. old emails still in laptop..


n even now i try not to use vulgarities... cuz he doesn't want me too.

not that i still cares bout his demands..just that.. i m used to be like this.. used to obeying him.
n still now i dun send my pics to guys.. huh..


but i hope i can finally let all these go.


i m surprised... though.. its just been a few days since i come back n though nothing happened.. n when i say nothing.. it really means nothing. no news.. no sms..no email.no nothing.. no suicidal notes.. no break ups no nothing..

n i m acting as if he left.


... i dunno y i m like this either.. maybe cuz.. i know..that this time he won't be back.


funny... really funny..though i let no one else know bout this except for ca po, i told her that when i get back to malaysia i will not contact him anymore.. depending on how he treated me during my sg trip..

n of cos.. u can tell that i decided to contact him.. but in return, he is the one who's not going to contact me anymore.

girls are softhearted.. i won't deny that if he suddenly pops back in my life, i would jump at him eagerly n willingly... maybe its considered cheap?...i dunno..


but i hope my head wins over my heart this time.

n i sure wanna understand all the reasons that led to this.




well.. back to fresher n newer stuffs.. explained everything to laurent just now.. felt as if a boulder have been lifted from my shoulder.. catch up with him a little.. happy for him.. got a new gf now.. lifes going up..

hope mine's the same.

things changed..alot these 2 years.. for everyone of us... lie yuen.. well.. u know.
cheng yee.. of cos..
me... yea.. changed...
him.. he changed together with me.. we walked together for quite some time... now.

everyone.

changed.

moving on.

me..left behind.




Wherever u r tonight, I'll see u in my dreams
Wherever I go tomorrow, u be here next to me

n though we r a world apart I know u'll never b that far

cuz here in my heart there's a picture of us together, forever
unfaded and unbroken

Wherever you are your love covers me
Forever more you'll be here in my heart

Whenever I miss you so much it's more than I can bear
I won't cry, I'll just close my eyes and know you'll be there

Your kiss and your touch I'll never forget
'Cause you're as close as my very next breath

My heart



...
feels so much warmer after listening to this songs.. memories that kept me warm