haze

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

cantuseecantuhearcantubealilmorekindcantuseecantuhear
cantustopmakingabigdealoutofeverythingwhenmypainismore
nevensoineedtofuckingconsoleueverytimeugetoutofcontrol
doueventhinkishouldbeproudofcreatingallthiscatastrophey
nbeproudthatimanagedtoturnuawayfromurfamily
doueventhinkthaticannotseethatitisallsofuckingfakethtiwannacry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
doufuckingthinkthatidonothavefeelingsnhavenoreactionswatsoeverto
wateverfuckingthinguutteriwannabemyselfbutican'tnooneletmebe
imnotstressdonottellmewhattodowhenyouyourselfissofuckedup
doeseverythinghastogoyourwayyesithastobegoingyourway
whenikeepquietudunlikeitimakenoiseudunlikeit
cantuhelpcantuhelpcanthelpwhatisyourscanneverbeminenomatter
howgoodimnomatterhowmuchilovetheyryoursallyours
iwannabeagoodgftoucareforuhelpumakeulaughbutcanubegoodforme
canuchangeformethewayichangeforunoucantthatsnotbeingu
soimnotmyselfbutyetuwannachangeme
cantusupportcantutalkgentlyputhingsgentlyinsteadoffiringmeblamingme
tellingmeimwrongnotgoodenoughnotgonnamakeitcantuseethatconfidence
isnotsomethingicangivemyselfbutisthewayothersgiveittome
ifeltlikeagoodfornothingbeegarscannotbechoosersicannoticannot
icannotbeGOODENOUGHsostopushingstoplamentingstoptelling
mehowbadimstoptellingmeitsalljustajokewhenumeanit
uwillneverunderstanduwillneveracceptnothingnoonecanmakeusee
urworldisshuttightuwon'tchangeuratherdiebeingurselfnkilloffeveryone
elsethemeantimehurteveryonesowatthefuckruyellingatfrustratedat
howtheworldisfrustratedatwatimsayingatwatididatwhatothersexpect
ofuisn'titnecauseuwannachange
dunshoutnowdunthrowthingsnowudoingthatdoesnotmeanurangrier
thanmewhenimangryihadtocalmdowncuzitmakesuangrynihadtoconsole
ucantijustfuckingbemyselfwithoutanytantrumsfromuuonlycarewhether
amealisgoodenoughforuthewayueatitnocatsnoknivesurstyleimdifferent
sodunspoilthefuckingatmosphereeverytimeamerecatisaround
iwillneverbeneverbenoonewilleverbegoodenoughforyoubecauseuknow
whybecausebeforeyouwanttolistdownthaturnextgfhavetobeprettykind
smartlovinghonesthardheadedbeforeallthatfuckingshityouhavetobe
goodenoughforherfirstbutruareu
uthinkthaturtrueselfisthebestevengodchangewithtime
eventhosewhohavesexbeforemarriagewillgiveabusseattothegrandma
holdablindmanacrossthestreetdoeshavingsexmeansthatuhavelessgoodvaluesinu
itdoesntitdoesn'tchangewhotheyr
changingaccordingtotimeaccordingtohowgooduwannabedoesn'tmeanura
changedpersonurstillustillu
nowimnotstupidiknowustillthinkthatistillthinkthatsexbeforemarriageisgood
itisjustafreakingexample
iusedtolookacrosstheclassroomenvisioningthatcuteguyholdingmyhand
theniusedtolookacrosstheclassroomnseethatnooneisbetterthantheoneihaverightnow
nowiusedtolookacrosstheclassroomwonderingifthatguywillbeagoodbftome
thatshowmuchuchaangedmenidunlikeitnotatallimnotdesperateidunwanttobedesperate
idonotgohuntingdownloveneitherdoigothrowingawaylovethatihave

butnowirealizeicanlivewithoutuallthosetimeswehadicanhavethemwithothersn
icanstillbehappyloveisnevernaturalitiscreatedallbyourselves
icanloveothersaseasilyasiloveyoubecauserememberthisidonotloveyouoryouwhen
everythingstarteditgrewnifitgrowsitcanstopnsomehowrightnowihateyouwithallmyheart
nirealizedthatifgodwantedustobreakuphewouldhavemakemefeelallthesesooner
butiguesshedidn'twantustobreakupwerstillholdingon
butnowidun
idontihavealifeofmyownnihaveasayineverysinglechoiceimake
sodontgimmethatlookwhenidunwannabeinurgroupcuzu
nevertakeclassseriouslynevercometoclassneverytime
werinagroupimonlyremindedofhowbadimhowlousyhowstupidhowunskillful
nurremindedthatucandobetterthanmeifuhavethetimenthemood
sometimesiwishicouldtelluILLPROVEITTOYOUICANDOIT
buticantcuziknowmybestwillneverbegoodenoughsomehowgetting
4.0willneversatisfymecuzionlywannasatisfyyoustandardnow
butiguessineverwill
icannotdoitihavebecomelikeu
cantdoworkbecauseiknowitwillneverbegoodenough
ruhappynow.

goonscreamyellthrowthingspunchhurturselfitwillneverbeashurtful
ashowimfeelingnow

imnotagoodgirlicannotkeepquietiknowkeepingquietwillmakeustaylonger
iknowmakingnoisewillletufeelthaturbadformenotgoodenough
buticannotstandit

notidunwannatellubutwhenitelluthingsucannotacceptuloseurtemper
alwaysdoesucanneverbecalm
dunblamemeforpreparingtoletgoblameurselfforwantingtoletgoncausing
alltheseinsecuritiesinmeinthefirstplace
dunuevendareevaluatemepsychologicallyimdifferentfromallthebloody
patientsimnotsuicidalnotasadcaseihaveliveoutofthedamnlifeiusedtolive
ihavegrewupsonothingofthatshitappliestome
unlikeuwhowillneverliveoutofurmistakesurhabitsurweakness
ilivedoutofminedoesn'tmeanimstrongitscauseimdyingtoplease
dyingtopleasethatpersonupthere.thatpersoninmyhome
everybody.itsbecauseicarebouttheirhappiness
uthinkurnotstrongenoughbutdeepdowninsideuknowucandoit
ifuwantedtoujustwantedtogetallthebloodyattentionucanget
fromeveryoneelsewannashowhowhurturallthetime
wantingtoshoweveryonethatucannotchangeuhavetobelikethis
urwholedamnlifebutuknowucan
howmanytimesareacts
howmanytimesrreal
idonotknowufromthepersonwhoactsnothingtodowithcontrol
alltodowithmaturity
ihateuihateuforbeingsoexplosivesotemperamentalsodaringto
showittoeverybodybutyetufuckingfallforagirlwhodoesallthework
sufferallbyherselfbehindthescenes.

why??????cuzucantbelikeher?

fuckyou
duncomecallingmetellmeimwrongexplaintomewhoruwhatruhowru
howwereuwatwereucuzashonestasuritsjustanactlikeeverythingelse
ucangetangryifuwantbehappyifuwantbeaworkaholicifuwant
soysayucannotdothisordothatwhenursuchagoodactor
maybelovingmeisjustanacttoo

whatthehellru.