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haze is so hazed.

something wrong is with me i tell u

something very wrong

white n blue n yellow
i woke up decided for once i will brush my teeth in my room i went down n get my white n blue toothbrush which i left there cuz of the one week which i could not use my own toilet.

n i brushed my teeth..

my stepmom asked much much later... ur dad lost his toothbrush. its white n blue. have u seen it?

n hence started the debate bout it being MY toothbrush.
but its ok. really

it is. cuz no matter whose toothbrush it belongs to.. one thing for sure. i was sharing toothbrush with my dad for more than 2 weeks.

...n i wondered why my teeth were so yellow 3 days before..


ok. besides that i watched tv...

n wondered....today's the 9th.

why havent my period come... n instinctively i wanted to check right there n then.. but i resisted as my mom was there.

n suddenly a flow of pain surge thru my fallopios.. threatening to dispotent me of my fertility.

my period is here alright.


i decided to have a drive. and as i m really is a nutcase.

today i drove sullenly. i do not know why. but really i was like jay chou in initial d. my hand was on the window. n i m a noob.
n lagger.
n leaver.

first it was raining. n the road is packed with cars. n theres an grand lorry unfortunately belonging to an idiot.. who left the door open.

n bless the lord, when another idiot drives thru.. which is me. the greatest idiot on road.
i naturally will bang.

my mirror hit the door.
to my own surprise i did not react to it at all. i was cool.

cold. more like it.

n wats worse. i parked in front of an altar. with a tree next to it.

after dinner came the discussion of the coming one month absense of my maid.. when she leaves for surabaya. n... horrendically, i offered to babysit my baby bro n sis.

during my holidays.
everyfreaking hour n day.

wow. n i was kind enouhg to rush up my room n check the mmu calendar..

bye bye holidays. bye bye shopping. bye bye dates.

n even worse.

malacca blues
i came back. n noticed.. the email i receive this moring was from malacca... there i go. applied for a course in 2nd trimester.. without realizing its held in malacca campus.

n this morning i was happy. the kind of happiness u get after waiting for a reply for 1 week.. checking mailbox everyday. that kind. like a secret love letter that kinda wonderful liquidifying happiness..

went to ashes.

n wats worse i could not sleep.

i m hearing things.

knocks. knocks. wanted to rush back to pc n tell ah b. but he offline liao..

knocks knocks..


i opened the door.

no one there...

n i decided to be brave n investigate... it was near my window.. i reached for the curtains.. hoping its some fireworks.. but when i open them. the noises are gone.

i close back..

thud thud
thud thud thud..


i swear it is the thing from that altar next to the trees that coming to get me.
i swear.

fine fine.. i read my novel. distracting myself but suddenly theres a great overwhelming urge to eat toast bread.

its not the kind u ignore.. its worse than pregnancy whines. its the kinda urge u feel on a hot day n then u think of cold cold icy tongue-stiffing lemonade.

so i walked down the kitchen.. grab the loaf of bread. n rummaged in teh store room for the un-used toaster... n brought it up to my room n burn some bread. with peanut butter on the bed.

i feel nice n cosy....^-^

but i still couldnt sleep.. i came back to the pc.. n my friend was back on.

it was nothing other than stars n moons but we knew better..

n naturally. as i miss ah b.. i opened up ym.. n suddenly the box.. therockmmu is offline.

poke its face in the corner of my monitor.


n suddenly the speakers hummed the familiar frequencies u get when u are about to get a sms or phone call.

n my hp ranged with sms.

it was a looong sms. which i have to reply. but have no credit. n it do.
yes it do get on my nerves. pity.. yeh.. but it makes me realize.

we are all lonely.... arent we..

the more people pretend they aren't..the more they are holding on to something which is not tangible, cannot be seen or touched. like memories. fantasies. dreams. pain. love.

wishing strong couples beautiful days ahead..
wishing drifting-apart couples a reason for them to go stronger together
wishing temperamental couples a reason for them to laugh at their own anger..
wishing singles who are lonely tonight a fateful meeting tomoro...
wishing depressed-but-hiding-it-behind-lies singles to see that we are all like you.

everybody's thinking of somebody tonight..
so m i.. i miss ah b... its funny. cuz although theres the net, the msn, the ym the phone. the hp. the car. when i do really really miss him. like now. i like to keep it to myself n enjoy having lil crazy laughs thinking of the silly things he did.

now. i m going to toast more bread. n drink with some wine. listening to the ghost outside my window knocking.

at least i have company.


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