haze

my reputation do not matter..
my studies don't too
my future doesn't..as long as it has u.
my family n everything else is below u.

but your God is above me. n i had learnt to accept n make it the same for me as well

u seemed to want so much. did so much. said so much. now it doesn't make sense
.

"please love me.. " thats wat u put in ur card.




4 months ago.

now things have changed.

ur freedom is above me. wat bout my freedom?

i wanna eat whenever i wanaeat/.. sleep at the correct time. not at ur time.
study when i come back. research. get myself to the top. be the best. look good.

i gave them all up. all of them didn't even matter.


is ok... guys want freedom. i understand. i accept...

then there was her.


no matter how people ask u.. u stayed glued to the chair next to her during the game. n i dunno y u pretended not to understand when i asked u these.

i have temptations too. its not hard 2 timing someone. but unlike u... the one i thinkof everynight is not them. its u.

so nowi m below another person. regardless of wat i have done..n gave

..but its alright. its ok. as long as u rstill here.



u needed me so much. how could i leave. but thats not y i stayed.
i helped u all i could. lost sleep n beauty. but its ok. as long as u r with me.

then i realize i should leave. i should

n i make sure we part whenever we both felt the same bout leaving each other.


n then i found out. the time came. it was yesterday.u plotted the same thing i plotted.

i thought i'll feel relieved... because i won't be the one to walk away.
but then i realize i m not happy about it at all. not one bit.
n i dun wanna part. not in a months time.


u did not realize.


Will I always be there for you?
When you need someone, will I be that one you need?
Will I do all my best to, to protect you?
When the tears get near your eyes
Will I be the one that’s by your side?
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Will I take tender tender care of you?
Take your darkest night and make it bright for you
Will I be there to make you strong and to lean on?
When this world has turned so cold
Will I be the one that’s there to hold?

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Yeah
And I love you more every day
And nothing will take that love away
When you need someone
I promise I’ll be there for you (there for you)
I promise

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your light?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

And I promise (and I promise)
I promise (oh I promise you)
I will be there when you call me (when you call me)
I promise (I promise)
I promise I will


it was playing. n i remembered when u givien up.. n i was singingalong to this to u. trying to do as it says. trying to make u strong.

n i know in the time to come. i will never be there anymore. n u won't be there either. i won't let u rub away my tears. like i didn't make a sound when they fall yesterday. i didn't want u to see. how much u mean to me.



maybe its good this way. i have always consoled myself. so that i'll love u more everyday. n appreciate u.. n never take u for granted. because umight leave anyday. maybe today. maybe now.

security is important to me. eternity too. they are important to girls. to us.


.. but i pushed them aside to be with u. just like u pushed God aside to be with me.



i m so mad. n angry. why. did u ask to 'please love me' n now that i do, u r gonna reject it. i know. because then u had loved me. n now u don't.
i m also so fucked up. y n how u could still be with me ..smiling. pretending u care. pretending u r mine. when u are everybody elses... when u already planned to leave.. y start things when on the first day itself, u know u will end it soon. wats the point.


will i ask u to understand me. i won't. cuz i don't understand u either. i won't.

we are wrong for each other. we will fuck each other up. n destroy each other. i knew too. i knew n was reminded everyday about it when i see u doing funny stuffs that i still do not like.

but do u know. though i hate the way u are. but when i look into ur eyes. the feeling's still there.
n do u know. that ur eyes says that u feel nothing. right from the first day itself.

how do i pretend i m urs. how do i still let u hold me. n kiss me when i know u r not mine .. n u will not plan to be. n u are already leaving. how.


i m not like u. i can't hold people that i don't love. i can't tell people that i love them when i don't. n i know those rare times that u do tell me it isn't true. dun make it a point to make me happy. i won't be.

cuz haze as i m, i m not stupid .. i do see things ur way.

dun try to be with me. or console me. or sacrifice more. one day i'll learn not to put anything about u in my blog. n u won't know. no one will.

i know u can be happy wherever u go. as long as u dun see my face.. that says everything eventhough my mouth's closed.

i have learnt to smile when u hurt me. so that u'll continue talking. so that i'll know the truth.
i have also elarnt to cry without telling you. so that u'll continue talking.. so that the pain's mine. not urs.



i have also plan. to leave. to disappear. cuz u dun understand. that it hurts ...just liek the way it hurts when ur pig face has the speakers u love. n u wanted it. n u get kjealous. .
only its much worse.

u ran away .. nows my turn.

yesterday is a promise that u have broken

this is ur life. n today is all u have got now...

n today is all u'll ever have

this is ur life... r u who u wanna be..

this is ur life.. izzit everything u dreamt that it would be.

yesterday is dead n over

drown urself in games.. n sleep. n God... before i drown both of us to hell just because i love u more than Him.