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i can see the pain living in ur eyes n i know how hard u tried, u deserve to have so much more..i can feel ur heart n i sympathise n i'll never critisize. i dun wanna let u down, i dun wanna lead u on.u deserve a chance at a kinda love i m not sure i m worthy of..

its been a while since i last blog...mainly because i m busy..but thats an excuse... reason being i can't put wat i feel into words lately.. much too complicated...

i had tried to give what i wanna give.. but it had gotten so hard that i just gave up...sorry.. its just that i m so used to being in the first place that i find it hard for me to be second for once.

anyway..people..i went ON AIR..yea.. interviewed as a DJ in radio mmu... made a fool of myself of cos........u all know my voice sucks...big time.. but cool...vv cool..

well.. u all know i m HAZE in mmu.. n a day after my interview... farah marrissa.. i wonder if u all still remember her in our school days.. she was interviewed... n one of the djs there actually REMEMBERED me.. n talked bout me to her.. n she went.."oooh... haze..thats LONG YEN YEN!!"

wa.... i wanna dig a hole n bury myself alive. after all my effort.

oh.. bout the choir performance.. its both funny n disastrous..but vv fun all the same....

i just hope people here in mmu would be less childish when it comes to judging others... there are so many comments bout people i know already..not all good. for christ sake..if u have nothing good to say bout others, then shut up!

i m sorry i turned your life upside down.. n even more sorry i can put it right STRAIGHT where it usually is. sorry.

so marks the end.

by myself once more..not complaining..not regretting..grateful actually.


if i give up on u, i give up on me.. if we fight wat's true..will we ever be?
even god himself got no faith i knew..shouldn't hold me back. shouldn't keep me from u.
i can feel the blood rushing thru my veins when i hear ur voice..driving me insane. hour after hour...day after day..every lonely night that i sleep n pray.
we live our lives on different sides but we keep together you n i..we'll live our lives..we'll take the punches everyday..i know we'll gonna find our way. i believe in u..even if no one understands.. i believe in u.. n i dun really give a damn.

i remembered everything he said.. i tried to make him move on just like how i made myself to move on.. thought that it would be better for both of us.. for our own sakes n our happiness...but in the end..all i did was hurt him again... deeper with each stroke.

its really ridiculous..thinking back...we never really have anything REAL..but yet the feelings are there all these while....it always hurt so bad when i miss him...

well...true love doesn't have a happy ending..because it never ends. never does.

i still remembered how he pulled me into the bathroom.. fumbled with the soap wrapper.. in the end i had to open it for him..n he turned on the tap water which fell down softly on the white basin... he held my hands..n rub the soappy water on them gently.. n then pulling my hands n putting them under the running water.. washing them clean... while i just look down the whole time..

n how he wiped away my tears..

n how he held on to me faithfully n endlessly eventhough i hurt him.. deeper n deeper with each stroke..

.. of cos.. how his love for me still grow stronger each day even when both of us are apart..... n how he still find room in his heart to forgive me n take me back despite all the mistakes i had done...how he still give me his vvv best n his everything even when i m giving nothing..

n obviously... how he still forgive me for all the bad things i had written bout him here in my blog..sorry.. my anger..

n finally..how he held on eventhough i have had someone else.

i'll never hurt him again.. even if i had to die, i won't hurt him anymore.

i swear.everyone n anyone who reads my blog be my witness. if i hurt him may i die pierced with a spear up my womb.

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