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i was foolish.. too easy on promises..making promises n giving answers too definitely n too quickly... thought i would mean them..

now when i think back.. all those i promised.. are broken. n all those that is predicted that will happen..happened.

its not that i do not like breaking old promises that have already been released by that person when we end things... its just that i feel awkward knowing wat is predicted came true.

4 months ago.. i thought i had everything i ever wanted...thought i was happy.. thought i belonged... thought everything is perfect... will have a happy ending.

1 month ago.. i thought i can have watever i want...thought i will be happier... thought that there are better places to belong to.. thought that everything will be even better than perfect.. will have a better ending..

2 days ago.. i thought i had all i want.. thought i m numb.. feelingless.. thought i m just hanging around to indulge myself until i get bored.. thought that everything is just an act, saying words i do not mean.. do not even care bout the ending.

today... i know i m happy... content n satisfied. the happiness that 3 years ago i thought i should have=felt it. felt it so strong i kept on smiling. the intimacy that i thought i should have when i m near someone .. i felt it. so different unlike all the other times. so very different. all so sudden.. when i didn't even expect it... suddenly i m depending on someone.. finally i m depending on someone.

it is finally worth it.. .. finally.

but something happened too... to tell me that its just going to be painful again.. for i felt pain today... n thru this pain i realized that my feelings is true.. n not just some act i put up.

uncertain..bout wats going to happen.. will this last? or will it fade away.. just like all the other times because the effects wear out?.. will things be unconsistent again?....

i m not ready.. but hell.. yes i want it.

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